Proud of being stuck in one's ways?

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I am most definitely a loner by nature and I enjoy it, but of course it gets lonely. For me it's a downward spiral, because once I choose to be reclusive I basically stop using all of the social skills and charm that I have and am ultimately completely friendless, because I drive people away.

So, I usually decide not to be a recluse. It's not really easy and sometimes I really have zero desire to talk to people or even TRY to understand what they're talking about because I'm just so out of touch with them that I can't do it/don't care BUT I do it anyway, because I feel like it's good for me to do in the long run.

I guess my point is that I don't really understand my fellow loners who seem to be dead set against meeting new people and having some kind of *network*. TBH I don't get that much out of it and I don't think it'll ever *feel* completely natural but logically I know that it is more natural than spending the rest of my life barely speaking and having no real relationships, which I could probably easily do If I allowed myself to go down that path. I'm just not *proud* of being apathetic and uninterested in other people and I feel like I'd be doing myself a huge disservice by not even trying to experience what other people experience in life.

I probably sound like I've just discovered something huge about myself and have crossed over to the other side but isn't so LOL. I made this decision years ago, I just fall in and out of my loner patterns, sometimes I have to be in my natural state to think clearly.

I'm really not trying to sound patronizing with this post and I really have no idea if that's how it might be coming across but I know it probably sounds offensive somehow, I am genuinely curious, am I missing something huge here? Are some people really satisfied not trying to experienece things in life that are outise of their safety zone or is that they truly have no desire and are happy they way they are? This is NOT just Aspies or autistics, either. I see NTs who are this way all the time, very proud to be stuck in their own ways. I don't fit into any kind of mold and sometimes I DO wish I had ways to be stuck in so I'm really wondering, is this a beneficial way to be?

I also have no real fear of venturing out of my comfort zones because I feel like i have no self. This is actually an awful feeling for me and it just seems to be getting worse so I think if this is what makes me so baffled by those that are stuck in their ways that they may be the sane ones, really. If I ever find a self I may become this way, for all I know.

Sorry for the rambling. I like to be as succinct as possible but I've been a complete headcase lately .

I think people just have different ways of coping. Some might say "well, who needs it anyway? this is who I am and the heck with it." I'm one of those people. But to tell you the truth, I'm not content with it at all. It's just a defense mechanism. I think everyone has different way of dealing with being isolated, and there's no such thing as a sane, normal or correct response, just what response works for you and you need to figure that out for yourself.

I'm very proud to be stuck in my own ways, now that I've found myself, after 14 years. I've picked up, where I've left off, at the age, of 21. The funny thing is, that I actually feel like I'm 21. I love being stuck, in my own ways. It makes me happy.

My wife just spent the day meeting with two friends in town for a reunion. It took her about a month to work herself up for it. Had a good time, but she will take at least a week to recover.


The strange thing is, I handle social contact better than she does - for me, it would be a curve one week up and two days down - but I find it easier to handle being reclusive.

Diffderent needs and capacities. We do what we can and try to do what we have to.