Went to an aspie support group today, got me a lil scared

Post Reply New Topic

The group was nice (though 4 of the 6 seemed alot more severe then me though one was quite sick, as in the literal sense.) All of the severe people were either in assisted living on in one case in a homeless shelter, and the two not so severe ones, one was an elderly lady that got married and got a chance to get a good job going then eventually went on SSI and the others still married. This got me to wondering what if I have to go on SSI after college or even go into supported living, I mean heck my old roommate is on SSI and hes just physically disabled (not that severely either in he can walk just not that easily.)

This is probably my biggest fear. I want to make it to public office one day (as in through an election) and I cant imagine the kinda bad publicity that would give me, the world doesnt look that well on disabled people. Right now my living skills suck (cant cook, rarely can decide when I need to eat until Im starving (cant tell you how many times Ive been at my dads house and waited until they got home at like 10 before I ate) also cleaning and other living skills suck) so supported living looks likely :-/. And while I think Ill be able to get a good job out of college I don't know what would happen if I didn't, would I have to go on SSI for a while . Any words of advice or support???

_________________
"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.

Vote for me in 2020

Is SSI about supported living?
I think you can make it one day, living independently, and really good too!

I hate these support "groups", do NTs think that what ever mental state you are that you are going to be open the most in a group of other people like most NTs are !?!?!

Endersdragon,support workers are able to teach the person those skills so it is worth finding out about.
There might be college courses that teach the basics to,it all depends on how well the person learns/recalls the skills,it could take a while or not.
Supported housing can mean just having a support worker going into the flat for a few hours a week to help.
It can also mean residential services,where they have live in staff for support when needed,promote independance and teach living skills,some offer little support,others can offer more.


If SSI is a disability living allowance type equivilent,there is nothing wrong with getting it [or any other type benefit],the person will contribute back to society when eventually working [whether voluntary or paid],being on a benefit doesn't mean the person is less worthy.

i am currelty in a foster care arrangment, buit the plan was that i would more onto suppoted living, however my current careerer agrees that i m not suitible for supported living for a leasta couple of years yet. although i have afw of the basic skills, linking them together i would no be able to cope with...

anyway, on tuesday there is a metting to dicide where we go from here.

jammie

i'm beginning to have my doubts if i will ever be able to live "independantly"

ostensibly i have all the skills and knowledge i need to support myself.

whenever i try after some point in time i don't seem to make the necesary connections with the various skills to pull it off.

groups suck. they don't make any sense to me. especially an aspie group. why would you want to have a social forum for ppl disinclined to socialize?

besides, unless the aspies have a common point of interest nobody is going to have much to say with each other.

whenever i am in a group setting i often come across as much lower functioning than i actually am because i have to stim alot to cope with the social stress.

i finally have a one on one counselor; had to wait over a year. i can work one on one okay with ppl

seems using the computer is a much less stressful way for me to communicate

I have to say this first. At least in the US, I have noticed that Aspies seem to the the group of people most adverse to taking disability assistance (called SSI or Social Security depending on whether you worked or are supported by someone who has died/retired or not). I know many NTs who spend their whole lives trying to get SSI and yet from what I have experienced, most aspies have to be convinced to get SSI and even then, are adverse to it.

With that said, just because I am independent does not mean I do not have problems. I have to write down reminders for stuff like washing bedding, do not do dishes until my neighbors can see them through the kitchen window, and various tricks to make sure I wash stuff. I do not eat when hungry and had to pratically teach myself to cook because I had no interest in it as a teen.

If your college does not offer a basic skills class, see if a state agency will assist you. If not, see if you can get a friend to help you out.

As far as support groups, I think that if done properly, they work well. The Twin Cities area of Minnesota as not one but two successful AS/HFA support groups. One is ran through the local autism society and the other is through a private citizen. The society one has 2 NTs as facilitators but they do not get involved expect to keep the topic moving and making sure that everyone who has something to say gets a chance to say it. They do not dominate the meeting or try to make us adapt to them. The reason for 2 facilitators is that the meeting is so popular that we have grown too large for one facilitator. The private group uses a token setup so that all persons get a chance to speak. I have also seen every area of employment in the group meetings, from those on SSI to those who either work fulltime for an employer or have their own business.

It sounds like Enders that the group is small now but do not let that bother you. The only way groups like this grow is for people to attend and for the word to get out that such groups exist.

Even if you were, or are able, would you even want to work in a political system that would exclude disabled people on SSI anyway? Those kind of political systems tend to exclude anyone who has a difference. What kind of politics is that?

There are lots of "political offices" available to people with disabilities, although they might not be the type of offices you want. For example, you could become an advocate within a non-profit organization.

I've been roundly attacked on this site before for writing what I am about to write, including many accusations that I do not have Asperger's Syndrome, or that I am lying, so I will preface this by saying that I am not likely to pay attention to replies. I am providing this information for purely altruistic reasons, as the last line of the initial post requested support.

I wish to argue, using my own life as an example, that your position is not a hopeless one.

My parents looked into group homes for me when I reached the theoretical age of majority. I lacked all basic skills, from cooking and basic hygene to the ability to regulate my own sleeping schedule and the ability to clean my living area, even in disasterous circumstances.

I am still unusual, but I clean my apartment, cook several healthful meals, and have lost nearly one hundred pounds since that time. I am a senior-level Mathematics major at a nearby private university and also study Electrical Engineering. I am still a very frightening person to be around, an angry recluse who is considered arrogant and abusive, but I now have all of the basic skills that I had failed to develop in my first twenty years, and am quite successful.

This adaptive ability is not at all unusual in human company or in people with our common condition. You may discover that, as an adult, you are capable of doing on your own terms what your 'qualified therapists' were unable to do for/to you. Assisted living and disability support are likely, but please remember that your brain is a remarkably versatile instrument, and our knowledge of Autism is still in it's infancy. Do not assume that twenty years of failure predicts a similar future, and do not assume that accepting disability support signifies the end of your improvement or a limitation on your future.

The key to my success was to choose an area of focus and work in very small steps to improve that ability which some here was referred to as 'Executive Function', which I refer to as self-discipline, the ability to impress my intentions upon my own mind. To do so, I had to discard most of the well-meaning beliefs that had been taught to me in my youth, starting with the self-indentification as a 'disabled person'. I had to then focus on an obsession of mine as my life's work and commit my entire life to self-improvement, to the exclusion of all other concerns. Progress was painfully slow. If I knew more about how this process worked or could work for you, I would tell you.

Hope is a strange thing, and your future, no matter how disgusting it may become, may also be brighter than you imagine. Don't take your metaphorical eye from your goal, and to borrow the words of our neurotypical neighbors, 'Keep your chin up.'

- M

Or as I say "eyes on the prize!"

I went to a support group once, it was ladies in there mid to late 30's and I was 22 at the time. I was the only guy there, that sucked. I don't like support groups.

Face to face conversation, blah blah blah.

Very good for you! I have taught myself this sort of thing over the years including using the list, and actually earned my own living for several years (back-room girl at the University Postal Services.)

I don't define myself as any sort of disabled, I say "I have a few problems with ... " if I need any sort of accomodation (rare) or to explain something (more common.)

Just out of curiosity, what age group are you in? I'm working off a thoery developed by noticing how no-nonsense my kids' contemporaries are (though they were also the very worst on the planet for school bullying and criticizing others.) I'm of an age where my contemporaries tend to be fuzzy-wuzzy but were reared no-nonsense by Depression-Era parents. ("the kids are revolting!" "I can't stand them either!")

I don't think an AS support group (at least one like the one you've described) would be helpful to many people with AS, except for the most extreme... I think you need to focus on basic living, and getting your life together that way, you need to be able to do the basics before you can run for office... Just worry about what you have to do today, worrying about the future constantly is not going to help you at all. If you can live and be successful one day at a time, then you can accomplish anything you want in life.

I went to an aspie group last month, and am going again this coming week. I found out about a method to use into getting myself in a DVR program for supported employment. I have little skills when it comes to independent living.

For me, it's not the cleaning or cooking part of it. That part, I can handle relatively well, as long as I remember to do this and that. But, there are more frightening aspects to living independently, like taxes and managing finances. This, I would need some sort of help in, I think. I am sort of terrible at managing money, though my financial discipline in terms of spending is like really good.

As far as an aspie group ... It would be nice, I think, to have at least one friend who has a similar condition, who understands you, that you can communicate with from time to time. This might just be an acquaintance and not a relationship, unless both of you are willing to take that route. I know that I probably would decline.

- Ray M -

Having friends who are autistic, and being in a support group, are different though.

I don't tend to get along in support groups, not least because I find giving and receiving that kind of so-called "support" from strangers to be both pointless and questionable in the ethical department.

I do like to hang out with other autistic people sometimes, and I don't like the common concept that if we hang out with people like ourselves then it's a support group or some kind of therapy. It's just friendship.

I was more worried about the positions of the other aspies then being there, 3 of the other aspies there seemed cool. The more I think about it assissted living wouldnt be that bad heck group home probably wouldnt be but I want to be able to live without SSI.

_________________
"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.

Vote for me in 2020