This Empathy Thing

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All this talk about how people express empathy is soo complicated. Not long ago, I went to a psychologist to learn about body language, emotions, and empathy. Ironically my psychologist told me that I can still have empathy towards people but practicing it is soo hard. I don't see the point how NTs find it easy to express other peoples emotions. Think about when someone close to you is soo upset. Normally people would feel sad and upset for the other person. For me, I have that kind of resistance of it. My reason being that I just do not want to be weaker then everybody else.

However, my psychologist told me that it is how people care for each other. Another example, I went to my grandma's husband funeral and somehow i did not cry or be utterly emotional. Again, people will bawl over this if someone they know is dead. And lastly, my psychologist told me to have a conversation about my dad at work. I was more interested into what my dad says then what he feels, kind of like reading a novel and saying "well that's an interesting story" instead of "wow, this story made me feel stressed out." Then the psychologist told me that empathy is the thing that makes us human and not expressing it is a sign that Im not caring or selfish.

Like hello? I can still be human, Im not even selfish, and I can be caring too. It bothers me that I can't feel one's empathy like everyone else. People should be more educated on this stuff that people with AS are caring and not selfish despite their inability. See what I did, Ironically its empathy. I am human, I am a person. anybody feel the same thing Im having???

I have issues with empathy too, and it is something that I have had to explain to my husband numerous time. It's getting a little better and I try to express empathy in a way that he recognizes it best.

I am like you, I can 'feel' empathy, but 'showing' it is hard. Now if someone close to me dies, I will cry, but I prefer to do it alone and dislikes it if someone tries to comfort me with hugs and a pat on the back. Trying to return empathy in the way NT's express it is tough, but I take baby steps. For example if someone is upset, I will try to use words, the only physical thing I can do is a pat on the back... but small things like that means a lot to NT's so I am just going to stick with it.

A friend of mine just had his uncle die after hitting a snowplow half an hour ago. My first reaction is to want to tell him, "Sh!t happens." I just can't bring myself to tell him all those mushy stereotypical things that so many others like to say at such a time.

Yeah, I have an impaired feeling of empathy also. I remember when my grandmother was talking about how her mother died before she could meet me when I was a kid (and she wanted to a lot) I said 'Stop talking about negative things'. I said that not because I felt empathy - I did, but because I didn't know how to express empathy.

I do have a capacity for empathy but it is quite limited compared to the average NT's. Most often I catch myself mirroring other people's emotions, which may look like empathy on the surface but is very different in essence, as people around me have already learned the hard way.
I do agree that showing empathy is a basic skill when you try to get along with people but then don't we all have the right to choose what people you want to get along with? Or the right to our own emotions, no matter if we recognise them or not? I won't cry at a funeral if I don't feel sad and I won't show a happy face at Christmas just because somebody said I must.

I actually know how to recognise feelings (sympathy), experience somebody elses' feelings (empathy) and how to express feelings (emotion) only I get overloaded fairly quick - I get more signals in then I can process, which results in a throbbing forehead and drained from energy.
Same that I rarely get more energy out of those encounters then I put in.

I used to not been able in the ways of empathy, I always had vague feelings I couldn't really place. Four years ago I had a chemotherapy where these vague feelings amped out of proportion for me to suppress and I started sorting them out (took me two years to be able to handle it, the last two years have been alot easier).

I suggest you read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy#Au ... _disorders



At some people the empathic ability simply isn't there, sympathizing where you can and expressing what people want to hear might be an option to compensate the inability.


People diagnosed with autism and esspecially AS are known for the absence/lack of empathy as one of the possible symptoms, this comment of her is completely out of place and shows a lack of proffessional insight.
Besides empathy isn't stricly reserved for humans, have you ever met an animal specy as a whole who doesn't react on expressed feelings (anger, fear, excitement, joy, etc.) from oneanother?

It might be seen in social acceptable terms that you don't seem to care or that you are selfish, but this doesn't mean you are selfish and uncaring because you are not expressing.


Lastly being empathic or just saying what people want to hear from time to time (or knowing when to shut-up) does make getting along and making conversation with people alot more easy (talking out of own experience here).

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

Last edited by Wallourdes on 11 Dec 2010, 9:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I show more empathy, than the people in my family. If someone that one of my family members or relatives cared about were to pass away, I'd be right by their side, comforting them with kind words.

I detach myself for example my sister had fell I was blunt "Well she could be paralyzed" Mom understood that COULD be true (She isn't she's fine BTW) anyway there my sister was laying on the stretcher crying/mom crying etc. I stood off to the side. and yet when my little sister busted her lip and it was bleeding I went into panic mode LOL! Go figure.