Hello all, I'm new, and not diagnosed or anything, but after learning about AS recently, I've come to believe that there is a possibility that I may have it.
Right now, I'm just about 25, and I've always felt rather different from most. Someone had mentionned having AS in a journal entry I read, and wondering what it was, I looked it up. Just about everything I read about it related to me in such a close way, I couldn't believe it (probably the same for many others here too). Anyway, the more I read, the more I felt this must be the reason for my problems growing up.
Here are some of my reasons:
-Apparently, when I was very young, when I'd start to really focus on something, I'd start repeating "gatta gatta gatta". My parents thought it was cute, but then I found out that something like that is typical for a kid with AS.
-I've had many obsessions over the years. The main ones I've had ever since I was younger were drawing, insects, dinosaurs, animals, and astronomy. Lucky for me, there was a library not far from where I lived, so I would take out as many books as possible on my favourite subjects and go through them like candy.
-I've always been extremely shy and introverted. I'm terrible at small talk, and for most of my life avoided it like the plague. Recently, though, I've learned of its importance, and at least try to make some with people sometimes, as hard as it can be. I still find it increadibly difficult, and sometimes I'm afraid of just coming off as forced and disinterested in the person, therefore making them not like me anyways... ah well.
-School had always been hard, and the things I dreadded the most were group projects and gym class. I was always picked last in either case, especially when groups and teams were left up to the other students. I never raised my hand in class to ask questions, since I never really had any. Teachers always had a problem with this, and that confused me... I still am not sure if I should have tried hard to come up with questions, or what. I often did poor on things I didn't have any interest in, and really hated math. I've always been terrible in math.
-I've been a tomboy as far as I can remember. I would not allow my mom to dress me in feminine clothes. The friends I had when I was very young were all boys. When school came around, that changed to mostly girls, but the one or two friends I made were tomboys as well. At this point in time, all my friends are guys yet again. I find dealing with other girls too tireing, and well, I just don't usually share common interests with them.
-I can't stand physical contact with just about anyone.
-I'm a notorious packrat.
-I procrastinate, and loathe cooking and housework.
-There have been many occasions where I would speak before thinking. When I was younger, I used to correct adults all the time on facts dealing with my favourite subjects. I had been told by my parents to not do that, since it makes adults feel stupid to be corrected by a kid. That just shocked me, and I wondered why someone would want to keep believing things that were wrong.
-I'm a skilled artist, and have been working at it since I was able to pick up a pencil. It's a great way to spend time, I've found. It's a great excuse to not socialize when I don't have the energy to. Since I'm terrible at meeting people on my own, it's also a great way to do that as well. It's the main reason people innitiate conversations with me, and if it weren't for art, I couldn't even remotely imagine where I'd be right now...
Anyway, sorry for rambling. I've been wondering if I should get a professional diagnosis, since it could possibly help me. I currently make art for mobile games, and contributing ideas in meetings can be hard and frustrating for me. I do my best, but my managers have told me I don't do it enough. I would also like to be able to know for my parents' sake, since I'm very tired of being accused of being a cold and uncaring person. I KNOW I'm a good person, and being called that baffles me, and the few friends I have. It's not that I want an excuse, but for people to understand that I really am different, and my effort may not be as apparent as they might think...
15 May 2006, 3:52 pm
