Struggling at University

Post Reply New Topic

Since moving into halls at university it is getting harder and harder to control my symptoms. I am having an amazing time and I get on with most of my flatmates, however recently some of them have started getting annoyed with me. Sometimes I say things that come across as rude or arrogant. I don't mean it, the sentence just doesn't come out the way it is supposed to and then I feel awful afterwards. They don't like how quiet I am or how I talk about the same thing all of the time (I heard them whispering about this). They told me I was weird when I said I didn't like hugging people. They give each other frustrated looks when I accidentally interrupt them, even though I apologise. I have very briefly mentioned to them that I am autistic but some of them have a very stereotypical view or don't see the complexity of it and I don't think they associate some of my behaviour with it. Is there a way I can discreetly tell them that sometimes I can't help some of the things I do (like listening to music when I feel really anxious instead of joining in the conversation) without sounding like I'm just making excuses or causing a big confrontation? Also, I keep biting my lip when I am nervous, so much so that they are really sore and chapped. Is there a way I can stop this?

Welcome to WrongPlanet. You're not the only one that struggles with this. I too have lost friends as well as business acquaintances because of doing things that seem rude, without even being aware of it. It's called having Aspergers syndrome, and there's nothing you can do about it. The best thing you can do is be very, very careful about what you say, and if in doubt, don't say anything at all.

Hi Cazzap,
How long have you lived there and how many flatmates do you have?
When I was in shared house situations, I spent time alone in my own space when I needed to or when I felt that I was not in the right mood to be sociable...
In a university situation I assume none of you have much of a choice about who you live with? There are people in the world who won't understand you and some of them won't even want to, that doesn't make your way of being any less valid than theirs.
Maybe a way of bringing it up with them would be to play a good youtube clip that shows some of the issues/traits. If you apologise for things and they still want to judge you, don't let it get to you, some people just like drama...

If you are going to say you are autistic and have trouble expressing what your traits are maybe printing out a list of characteristics is a way to go.

http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php/about-aspergers
Scroll down the list to Characteristics. This list is about Aspergers but the traits as you will see are pretty much the same as mild or high functioning autism. If you were in a wheelchair people would not ask you to get up and walk, But with invisible disabilities people too often expect you to do all the accomidating. But that does not mean you should not meet them halfway. Thier interests could become your special interests who knows. Maybe they will accomadate you, maybe not. Like with any relationship if people are incapatable it is time to move on.

You should research what type of services and accomidations your university provides for thier autistic students.

Traits becoming more pronounced is a indication you need some time alone to destress and stim. People have been using toilet stalls for privacy for years. The library provides quiet and materials for special interests. Back in ancient times when I was in university we had a signal system such as leaving a sock on the door if a person needed privacy for whatever reason such as having a visit from a romantic partner. I am sure the signal system has evolved greatly since 1979 but the basic concept is still a good one.

Best wishes