I wish I was stupid

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Yeah. Ridiculous wish. But I need to vent.

So I'm sitting at lunch, with my head down, probably looking spaced out, maybe rocking a tiny bit, sort of working my fingers and hands or something, but my brain is grooving on Markov Chains, Baysian networks, scheduling algorithms and wondering if we could use these to optimize the data stream going in and out of the web portal used by our software.

On another channel I'm mapping a linear time sorting algorithm onto an N-ary tree, wondering of the transition from one level to the next is mappable to a binary tree because the steps required to move from one level to another must happen in digital logic even if the abstract representation is not. A side channel off of that is if the decision function for this level transition would work on a quantum computer without having to go through all the binary logic of standard computing.

On a third channel, I'm linking up these Baysian/Markov thingies, this sorting algorithm tree mapping AND generalized symbolic representations of knowledge wondering if there is ANY transition from one set of symbols to another that is not reducible to a binary tree and that any attempt to "speed things up" by using N-ary trees is futile.

Now, I'm pretty sure anyone looking at me thinks I'm just being shy or whatever because I'm not participating in the engaging conversation regarding company stuff, the latest smart phone, the condition of their lawns and the useless homeowner's association, etc, etc, but i truth I am burning up brain cells at a level of abstraction that is in a different universe, and STILL occasionally coming up for air with the socially obligatory comment or too that is in line with whatever it is everyone else is talking about.

Then lunch is over and I get to go back to work where I am privileged to be able to take a list of names and addresses in a spread sheet, run a few filters on it and insert it into a table in a database.

Sometimes I just want to stab my eyes out.

Or you wish you had a more challenging job?? (I know. It was just a vent.) That job does sound boring. Even without all those thoughts it sounds boring.

I know the feeling ... but at least my last employer understood and occasionally made use of some of my potential.

Sometimes I think I am insane (really - no sarcasm or facetiousness here). Too much of my head is in a place not even connected to what is going on around me. But I guess since I see the lack of connection that means I'm sane.

If I could just turn it off for a while.

Your OP actually aroused me.

Don't worry. Some of the best programming projects came out of people who were way too busy with boring jobs. Sometimes, it's the person who has no free time who ends up using it the best.

In fact, consider this: a mostly mindless job is the next best thing to a job that actually requires you to work on the things you are interested in. Suppose your job did not allow you the opportunity to think on your own, forcing you to instead devote all your intellect on something you distaste. In that case, you would have no time whatsoever to pursue your own reasoning. You'd come home every night intellectually exhausted, with no chance to work on your own ideas.

What better job could Einstein have had, then as a patent clerk XOR a theoretical physicist?

Yes, mindlessness does sometimes seems preferable ... but then I think that might actually drive me crazy.

Personally, I believe the "lack of connection" will eventually make sense ... or at least that it should. And if not, then why would it even exist? So then, I suspect the challenge for now is to try to remain sane during this period of perceived disparity between the present and some kind of future.

Boy, do I ever hear you there. If I could turn my thinking mode off for a while, I'd be able to work. Well, I probably can work, but I haven't yet found a job that I can stay in longer than a few months without winding up in the mental hospital. There's got to be one out there somewhere, but it's frustrating waiting for one to turn up.

I agree with previous posters though in that it's not crazy or insane to be able to think like that, just frustrating that we can't fit in no matter how much we try. I'm not a hundred percent sure that I even WANT to fit in, but it'd make it a thousand times easier to work if I could shut myself off while I work.

Anyway, something will turn up. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Just hang in there and keep hoping. That's how we all get through this life anyway, isn't it? It seems to work to some degree, so keep hoping something better will show up. Maybe it will.

I utterly know the feeling. Indeed, sometimes I feel that the way I portray myself and ask questions on Wrong Planet may sound stupid, but I behave in much the same fashion. I remember when I was in High School math class I just could never stay focused. They were wasting their time away with simple geometry when, in my head, I was doing high level mathematics in Octal-base just to satisfy my curiosity so to speak. I continually got into trouble in school because of the sorts of answers that I would give to simple questions.

I remember being quite offended when asked who the Emperor of Rome was, and responded with a long dissertation on the line of succession to the Roman Imperial Throne in the post-Republican period followed by a continued succession to the Eastern Roman Empire's See until it's absorption into the Ottoman Empire in the 15th century, only to be told 'Caesar' was what I was supposed to say. Incredulously, I responded with a discussion of how Caesar was an honorific term that referred to numerous historical figures, and was promptly threatened with a detention.

I used to get in trouble constantly, and still occasionally will get in trouble with my parents for such 'autistic moments.'

LOL. People get so offended when they think your trying to make them look stupid and all you are doing is being accurate.

The sad irony is that you probably knew more than the teacher did about the subject - which, of course, is the reason they had to silence you before everyone else figured that out.

Yeah, I think you really need a more mentally stimulating job. It's like forcing someone who's good at and enjoys physical activity to do a job where they sit at a desk all day--you like to think; no wonder you feel uncomfortable doing a job where you aren't required to think very much.

I don't think being worse at it would make you any less enthusiastic about learning though. I've met enthusiastic learners at all ability levels. Your best bet is to try to find a way to inject a little more brain work into your day somehow... When I had that problem, I used to analyze and redesign the procedures of the job to increase the efficiency. Two places where I used to work are still using my systems years later.

This is where I start to have trouble because of my utter cluelessness regarding the social side of business operations. I never seem to bring up these things at the right time and place because there is a certain flow to the decision making processes that informs what development is approved, deferred or abandoned. If I offer up an optimization that doesn't mesh with this flow then I get the "you ARE a freaking alien". But I can never figure out that flow. I've said the strangest things in meetings, not because they were actually strange, but they were so far outside the box that nobody could see the chain of reasoning that lead to it. Now i don't get invited to meetings. I'm relegated to a "less important" set of tasks.

Sometimes I'd rather be a janitor at some research place just so I could hang around PHDs

Ignorance is bliss.

Most people hate their jobs and are looking for something better.

I'm bored as hell too. Everywhere I turn is an NT nightmare where anything I want to do is compromised by an ugly NT reality.

ie Invent useful item
Useful item is bought by major corp then shelved away from the people

get on front page of local paper for an injustice
journalist twists story to fit major businesses or government agency concerned and align status quo against justice

scientist makes important discovery
intellectual rights sold stolen or murdered for, and any useful applications of new technology requires loyalty payment

Wakefreak58, I can totally relate to you. Most every job I've had has had me thinking like you do. Optimizing things and thinking of how so much could be done more efficiently, but my task was to do something menial.

Then I started my own web development company and if I can come up with a better and faster way of doing something, I'm either done faster or can charge more (or both!).

Plus, I can be home all the time.