don't know what to do

Post Reply New Topic

...ok so I haven't been able to find a job, or a place to stay. My current place is running out very soon. I have been looking for months now and hardly anybody responds to my emails on Craigslist and every shop or market that I go to always says they just hired somebody new/the person who hires is on vacation/ they won't know for another week( they say that every week).

I just don't know what to f*****g do. It is like everything is collapsing on me, and I am falling into a deep abyss.

I moved away from 5 years ago to go to school and a few years ago I dropped out and have been working. I quit that job, cant get it back and can't anything else.

every potential house-mate I meet from Craigslist usually wants never responds back as the exchange usually goes pretty bad, Just really awkward as f**k. Most people want a chill, outgoing social adult who has their sh!t together. I'm none of that, and it shows. That is something I can't fake.

worse yet, It still feels like my life has never really started. I have never had a gf or you know. This isn't in the Love and dating forum so there isn't any need to really go into that. I just feel so f*****g frustrated.

What is move? Where do I really begin? I am depressed as s**t and and if I was ever kidding myself that I am alright and I have some confidence, well its just not true. I have zero confidence. It seems like most people progress as they get older and gain confidence. I have done just the opposite. The older I get the more depressed hopeless and un-confident I feel and I am so uncomfortable in my own skin.

My parents are out of the question. They never even had the slightest idea what I am feeling. Its too frustrating trying to open up to them and then have to hear the "life is hard on everyone son" "everybody has problems" "life is not fair". f**k that I already knew that when I was 5.

I feel like I am just not functioning right.......my brain has a whole in it or something. Everything is disturbing unreal and wack. Everyone is strange when you don't have a friend. I can barely leave my house anymore. I don't feel comfortable anymore. I don't fit in anywhere never have, and probably never will.

I feel like a b***h always complaining about this and that. But what the f**k really? I feel empty as f**k and I have NOTHING. No PLANS No IDEA. no NOTHING . Is this REALLY my life? Where did I go so horribly wrong? This feels like a nightmare.

Doesn't your city have an autistic services you could contact for help finding a job?

That sounds rough. Unfortunately jobs are hard to find everywhere right now, for even experienced, skilled outgoing people. It's not really your fault. Is there any chance you can go back to school? Maybe finish up your degree? It'll give you a break from job hunting and hopefully improve your qualification and chance of landing a better job.

If its hard for sociable, amiable people with or without degrees, then how the hell do I stand a chance? I can't make a superstar impression without somebody else's confidence which I don't have.

I am tired of faking it. Pretending like I am alright. Pretending like I know what I am doing and knowing what I want.

That would be great to be in school but I am broke. And my parents aren't going to pay for both rent and tuition, just tuition, which I can get FAFSA and other grants to help with anyways.

SO......I have to find another job and a new house struggle with long enough to have enough money saved to get back into school. And then work when I am attending. I don't know where I want to go to school now.....the old school is out of the question...hardly made any friends, no girls, didnt belong don't know what I want to do for a career.

IF ONLY I HAD SOME s**t DOWN. If only I had a few things worked out in my life. A few insecurities smoothed over my life would be completely different right now. I would have a fighting chance. But no. Nothing is going for me. I have nothing. I am not a superhuman. I need superhuman strength to move past all of this.

It feels like I need to be 5 TIMES as CONFIDENT
5 TIMES as STRONG
5 TIMES as disciplined
5 TIMES as FOCUSED

just to be able to do anything some 17 year old can do right now without THAT much effort.

I am just sorry to say that I am kind of a Weak person. I mean I have always been somewhat strong, putting up with this and that. Growing up without any friends except for 1 or 2, always. Never fitting in. Always bad at sports. Loner. I mean yeah I always had chances because I was never mean or a spoiled runt. I didn't get bulled that much.

But it just seems like my whole life is a blur of could haves and this and that.

I really had some chances in college to break away from my mold but I just couldn't grow.

I can barely go anywhere or interact with people and I am on my computer alot. I have gone here and there to places and apply this and that, but in my situation and the way I feel I Know that any potential employers or girls for that matter can see that I am not really there. They are looking for something else

I am just not that strong.

It's hard when you feel depressed to focus on the good in your life, but there is alot of good.

Ask your parents to compromise? Explain about the grants and stuff if they no the situation they might be more willing to help.

If you tell yourself your not good enough then you won't be. Pick yourself up and tell yourself that you'll try your best at any interviews you get.

And remember, no pain no gain.

My whole life has been pain, but I haven't had much gain. My parents don't know s**t. They have no idea. I will try to explain my situation to them.

They see me as a good person with lots of potential, but lazy and unmotivated. They don't really have any clue what I am going through. So f**k them.

I don't really tell myself that I am not as good as everyone else. My failures tell me that when I can't do what I want. WHen I struggle with and fail to do something that someone else can do.

I have so many different insecurities right now and problems to worry about. What can I focus on thats good? I am really struggling to find anything there.

Theres a reason why I dont have any self-confidence right now. Theres a reason I didnt have much confidence growing up. I know a negative cycle breeds a negative cycle BUT GODDAMN IT ............IT DOESNT COME FROM THIN AIR THERES A REASON.....................

Im tired of keep propping myself up. I am too exhausted.......things arent going to be alright the way I am going......

aw i feel the same way sometimes:/. like theres too many things gone wrong and you dont know how or where to start improving things. makes me kind of unqualified and unable to give advice. but i hope things somehow get better for you.

Lightening (cool name btw),

I don't think you need to be 5 times as confident or 5 times as anything... sometimes, all that is needed is a quiet "I'll try again tomorrow." It doesn't need to be a strong, confident voice saying that... you can be discouraged and frustrated, and still try again. If you do that, you can survive. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Have you looked into the boarding houses in your area? In those situations, people will sometimes be less fussy about interpersonal compatibility than in roommate situations.

Good luck!