mom in denial, new psych doesn't understand anythinang and..

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first of all, I'm sorry this post is not written in proper english, but english is not my mother tongue, at the moment I'm too upset to pay attention to grammar and

I have a problem with my mom, she refuses to acknowledge the diagnosis of Aspegers; she recently made me change my psychologist, the new one is not specialized in autism and my mom is trying to make her change/"correct" my diagnois.

I had eleven sessions with her, she manages to upset me every single time, and she led me to a meltdown/shutdown twice
I feel horrible after talking with her and she doesn't help me at all

Have you had any similar experiences?
What should I do? (I know I should just make my mom reason but...)


another question, about interpreting the tone of voice
the new psych read me a quite stupid short text that said: "Dan is such a good friend, he gave me the box I wanted, and it was empty"
she exaggerated her tone of voice and asked me to interpret the text taking in consideration her tone of voice
I interpreted it correctly and told her I could do so because she was obviously exaggerating, she told me Autistics cannot understand at all different emotions of someone talking and cannot interpret the tone of voice of a person

I definitly disagree with her and
What do you think about this?

I think she's incompetent. Autistics can definitely learn to use tone of voice. Some autistics even do it just as well as NTs, and have other issues such as not being able to pay attention to word meaning and tone of voice at the same time. If she assumes that this simple test could have ruled out autism, especially if she exaggerated rather than using a video tape of someone speaking in a natural situation, then she doesn't know very much about autism.

I learned to read tone of voice by pretending it was music and paying attention to the patterns. Music, just like speech, has pitch and tempo. That I didn't learn it instinctively is more significant to my diagnosis than that I did eventually get the hang of it.

If someone wanted to rule out autism, they would be much better served asking about how you interacted with other people, how well you could read faces in everyday life, how you were at speaking, listening, and having conversations, whether you got stuck on one subject or had special interests, whether your sensory system was atypical... Unless she used dozens of tests of the sort that you describe, she is not justified in claiming that she can tell whether you have autism--not on the strength of a single skill in a very artificial environment.

It's like trying to gauge whether somebody is capable of being a good novelist by asking them to write a single sentence and judging everything based on that.

WOW! That's unfortunate. The whole tone of voice thing I've never heard that related to Autism IMO that's BS (it might be) but with Autism there are many traits and as someone here has and someone else has said (which I'll repeat) If you've met one Aspie you've met ONE Aspie. LOL! We are all different and have different traits of AS. The tone of voice that's the first I've heard of this issue though related to Autism. Why does your mom want you diagnosis changed? What does SHE think you have? Most people don't give a s**t!! ! Psychologist/Psychiatrist/Therapist etc. It's either (for me) take a pill (mentioning my family issues led to up the dose of the pills I'm on UH NO!) and therapy has been "Just be yourself." So there is not much help out there.

Your first question: yes I've had similar experiences. When I go to a therapist of any kind who does not understand autism, they send me into a fit of sobbing meltdown every single time. Every single session. The last time I tried (I knew I shouldn't go to a therapist who doesn't understand autism, but I really needed therapy badly and the only therapist in my town for adult autistics doesn't take my insurance and I can't afford her and I can't afford to travel out of town to see the doctor who diagnosed me so I convinced myself that it would be okay to see a therapist who doesn't know autism) it really scared me because the therapist put me into a sobbing meltdown and then told me she'd never seen someone so depressed as I was (her judgment of my "depression" was based solely on the meltdown reaction she caused) and that I shoudl consider going into a mental hospital for my own safety.

I was terrified that she was going to have me committed against my will!! After that, I have never been brave enough (or stupid enough) to try another therapist who doesn't know autism!

Your second question: I don't know what you should do, but if you are able to refuse to go to therapists who don't know autism, it would probably be healthier for you. If you have the resources to leave your mother's home and make your own decisions, it would probably be good for you. If that is not an option for you right now, you might want to have more discussions with your mother (try to stay calm) and try to get what you need and want out of therapy.

Your third question: I think the therapist you are seeing now is completely incompetent when it comes to people with autism.

I think that psychologist is an idiot. Apparently she has never read the DSM-IV which lists the criteria for autism spectrum disorders.

Where are you from ? Is Asperger well known in your country ? And what about Autism, is it hard to find competent specialists ?



As for your mother, parents tend to deny the fact that their child could have a disorder because they feel wrong about it, I think they either feel guilty or think that no one could have a problem in their family. If you succeed well in some intellectual areas, she probably want to think that you are only intelligent and that you have no problem apart from being lazy, she probably needs to reassure herself.

My parents tend to do that too, many teachers and school nurses had told them to see what was wrong with me because I did not act properly and had a delay in some areas (motor skills, though I walked early and could climb my bed which is why they insisted that nothing was wrong with me). I do not know if your parents think that way but it is highly probable that your mother is just afraid of Autism or of having failed at raising you or that she just wanted a perfect child, there are many reasons to feel like she feels, the main one is being uninformed.

Parents tend to imagine the future of their children and to live another life through them, they also want to be proud of them and want them to be happy (I guess), there are some traits of personality or disorders which are not accepted by people or are supposed to only cause despair and sadness like homosexuality (because "you will not have children" or because you will be prejudiced, things like that, not always because the parents are homophobic), religious choices (depending on where you live), some jobs and some disorders like Autism, mental retardation, bipolar, schyzophrenia.

However, some disorders are accepted and some parents are even proud of their children when they have it and insist on how hard it was for them to succeed like dyslexia or ADHD...

This is totally stupid and unjustified but this explains the behaviour of some persons, Autism sounds like "you child will never do anything on its own, they will fail, never have a job, never have a partner, never have friends and is stupid" (because most people think that of Autistic people, savants are rare therefore they assume that autists are either savant or ret*d, I've heard that more than once, as I have seen mother competeting over whose son was the more autistic and hard to live with), it does not sound like "giftedness" and it frightens people.

Thank you all for your replies, I really feel better now

no, she exaggerated her tone of voive, intonation, gestures and facial expressions
she read me that sentence three times, faking/exagerating:
anger
disbelief
enthusiasm

Stop Going.
Or stop talking when you go.
Just sit there and read a book.

When the therapist complains, tell your mom you want to go back to the other one.