Looking for opinions about afterschool activity

Post Reply New Topic

My 9 year old son is NT, but quite introverted, with a few AS traits. He's got quite a bit of anxiety about stuff like giving oral presentations, and that kind of thing. That's why I think your input might be valuable.

I see that he has certain talents, like being able to sing well, and being able to make people laugh. If he has some chances to work through some of his performance anxiety, more opportunities will open up for him in life. Personally, my fear of public speaking (even in small groups sometimes), kept a lot of doors closed to me, and I don't want to see that happen to him.

Anyway, there is an after-school chorus which is being offered. It's only once a week, and it seems like it would be beneficial to him. He insists he does NOT want to go. Ordinarily, I don't push my kids to do activities they aren't interested in, but in this case, I know he's got the talent, and it's his fear that is making him not want to do it. This sounds like a good way to help him get over the fear, so that it no longer has control of him.

So I thought I'd ask you guys what you think. Based on your own experiences, do you think it's better for me to just let him stay in his comfort zone, and not do this activity? Or is it better for me to sign him up for this chorus, even though he's got anxiety about it, in the hopes that it will offer him an opportunity for personal growth?

I was an NT kid who was stage-shy at that age too. My parents never pushed me into after school activities that I didn't want to do and I thank them for that. I know they got a lot of flak for that from other parents because I could sometimes overhear my mom defending her position (not to force me) on the phone.

It wasn't my parents who eventually dragged me out of my confort zone, which I woul;d have greatly resented and would have done my worst in the activity purely out of resentment. Instead it was my friends. They got me to join things I would never have joined without their push and that I would have intentionally been bad at out of anger at my parents if they had forced me. But I wanted to spend time with my friends and sometimes leaving my comfort zone to join them in their preferred activities was the only way.

My advice is don't force him into an after school activity he doesn't want. If he's in a comfort zone, let it be his friends who ultimately drag him out of it and into new challenges. He won't resent them and he will step up to the challenge. You he will resent and he won't give it his all. NT peer dynamics gets a lot of flak here but this is one of the ways in which it can be a positive thing. Peers can inspire kids to step up their game in ways that parents can't because parents only have forcing on their side rather than the desire to be with a peer.

Yes, he's introverted. But it still applies.

You can mention it to him, and see how he feels about it.

If I was left in my comfort zone, then I would never go out.

I don't know (for me, or for anyone else) which autistic traits never change, but I do know that it is possible to learn social skills and become more comfortable and less stressed in uncomfortable environments. Maybe it is something that you might have to push a bit to test whether it is just initial resistance, and whether his anxiety decreases after a while.