Verbal Traps

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OK, I don't know if this is just my husband or if it's NTs, but it seems to me that I'm having verbal traps set for me all the time. Like, he'll ask a question and I'll answer it to the best of my ability and he'll have set it up so that something I hadn't predicted will contradict something else and he'll start accusing me of sh*t. Now, I am an intelligent person, and I am not playing any mind games of my own, and this is something I've noticed other people doing, but only every once in a great while. He does it all the time. It's like I'm a sitting duck for this BS. I can't predict it.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to see it coming?

~Kate

There are two issues here. One is how NTs and Aspies answer questions.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt136648.html
Aspie vs. NT "Truth"

The other is teasing in a marriage—he may not realize how destructive this is. In our marriage we talk about such issues.

Can you give some examples? I can't run my NT Diagnostic Program without examples.

Yeah, happens here all the time. Just yesterday he asked if I'd mind him taking a job that required living away. Without clarifying any details or discussing boundaries I said I didn't mind. I had in mind a fly-in-fly-out mines job taking him away for a few weeks at a time because we had discussed it previously. Then he asked if he could apply for a job on a super yacht in the Carribean. Of course I said no, out of the question, to which he said I was a hypocryte and a big arguement ensued.

Our communication problems arise primarily from lack of details and clarification, but they're problems in all poor communication. We have the added complication of my forgetfulness, short temper and total misunderstanding of innuendo, body language, word selection, and intonation.

Many of our misunderstandings have something to do with relationship boundaries. All I know of relationships comes from self help and councelling books because I have no natural instincts when it comes to relating to other people. He'll ask me what I think about something then come up with something I said or did, during and before our own relationship, that totally contradicts my current stand on the issue. Apparently I'm not allowed to change my mind either, not without thorough, logical, researched and analysed reasoning.

Drives me crazy sometimes. But I think all couples of all ages have this problem from time to time. The main thing is that we get the opportunity to learn more about each other and develop a deeper, healthier understanding of each other's thoughts and feelings. He knows what he does and how it hurts me, it is a thought pattern he knows he needs to break, but our relationship is still young and we are helping each other walk an awakened path in a screwed up world.

The main things I have noticed as warning signs are his personal stress levels, fatigue, problems at work and just being tired. He has a 3 week hormone cycle so I've noticed for a few days each cycle he is exhausted, insecure and easily offended. That's when he comes out with false accusations and his own verbal traps. It's very much like women's PMT and he can do about as much to stop it as woman can stop their own hormonal mood swings.

Marriage certainly is a labour of love, isn't it?