Was I a Jerk for Saying This or Justified?

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Earlier today I helped my brother move some stuff into his girlfriend's basement and a hot water tank out. His girlfriend's friend for some reason was following me around listening to what I saying to my brother waiting for a chance to talk to me or something.

After we got through moving stuff she walked up and out of the blue decided to give me a few pointers on picking women up and finding a relationship. My brother kept telling her to leave me alone but she kept talking. I overheard my brother talking to his girlfriend about this women so I used what I heard as a weapon to punisher her for making me feel embarassed. After hearing her philosphy of picking up women and other non-sense so I told her "Who the f**k do you think you are walking up to me and give me advice especially when you are 24 and a single mother to three kids all with different daddies. If you know so much about realationships why can't you keep a man?"

My brother then explained to the other people that I do not give a s**t about people I don't know. The other people who were either pissed that I said what I said or were giggling I am certain now my brother is telling people about my Aspergers and other weirdness. How else did this idiot find out about me and my social anxiety. In my opinion this idiot had to be knocked down a peg or two if she thinks she has all the answers to hand out to a stranger who does not want to hear it. I never met this women before which really pisses me off. I told him I will not be going over there again no matter what even durring an emergancy.

Because of this moron I have been in a bad mood all day today.

Last edited by Todesking on 08 Sep 2010, 10:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think its more of a knee jerk reaction and she asked for it personally. It's none of her business, I hate know it alls.

She did this in front of people I think she was trying to make a fool out of me to make herself look good.

I still don't understand why highly social people who walk around approaching people, spouting inappropriate and odd things like that are not considered disordered, while the person who doesn't contribute to such nonsense is considered disordered.

When people offer advice, unsolicited or not, they usually do it because they have the good intention of helping.

So I'd have to say, the way you reacted was inappropriate.

All you really had to say was "I know you are trying to help but I really do not need your advice."

If she persisted you just needed to say louder and firmer, "I don't want to hear your advice. Please leave me alone." Even if you have to interrupt her to do it.

You should apologize for what you said to her. It was over the top.

It is at least possible she just was trying to be helpful in order to try to push some of her own pain aside a bit.

It's not right for people to give you advice out of the blue on a potentially sensitive topic. Whether she was condescending (and thus in need of a condemnation) or naively helpful (and thus in need of an explanation) would have changed things, and I assume her attitude appeared condescending.

As someone who has been accused of being a "know it all" I don't understand.

It's impossible for me, or anyone else to "know it all". I would have never have done what this girl did, but sometimes people call me a "know it all" in a rather nasty tone when I try to offer advice for an issue they asked for advice on, or was sharing in the course of a conversation what I thought to be useful information. At which point I get quite confused because for years when I did not share such information and people later found out I knew it, they become angry with me for not telling them.

So when people call me a "know it all" I get quite upset both because I don't why they think I think I know everything and I usually tried to distinguish with the best of my ability whether or not I should share my information or insight.

So I would appreciate if you could detail your perception of "know it all" better and what makes one a "know it all" and how not to be a "know it all".

Totally justified - clearly she's a b***h.

^ This.

Seriously, if she has three children, all with different fathers at age 24 she has no right to be giving advice on relationships. She should pull the log out of her eye before pointing out the stick in yours. :/

That your brother told about your condition is logical. When people see you, they probably notice a certain quirkiness so they ask questions...

About the unwanted advice... it is probably a good meant advice, to help you. But it is also against etiquette because it is a private matter. So you have a certain right to retort with a snide remark, but this was a bit too far... but it is a good thing you let her know your thoughts about it. So do not feel too guilty. Apologies? Maybe, but make it clear she is not too interfere with you like that again.

I think that your words are justified. You told the truth, and those people can't handle the truth.

100% justified.

You took no interest in listening to her "advice", your brother told her to quit it, and she still wouldn't let it go. She got what she deserved. With all that empathy that NTs are sooo full of, she should've taken the hint. Her intentions are irrelevant, not interested means not interested.
You didn't say anything that wasn't true, you have nothing to feel bad about.

Last edited by Skilpadde on 09 Sep 2010, 12:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

maybe apologize for losing your temper but certainly don't apologize for what you said if its true.

I think apologising for this is going a bit far, he just needs to tone it down a bit if it ever happens again. Its just making more drama out of it. I could be wrong of course, I don't know tones it was said in, I don't know why she said it or what she expected people to think by doing it in front of them.

All in all, regardless of whether its well meant, or whether she has the "right" to give it or not, whether she did it to feel "important" or "smart" in front of others, its absolutely none of her business. I wouldn't go upto someone I don't know and say that, its way out of line.

from books i have read, movies i've seen, tv i watched.....i have concluded that nt women of adult age like to make 'projects' of men who they perceive need their ----guidance----. they don't ask, they just do it.

i hope this was it, rather than her wanting to be cruel to you. so...how about asking your brother what she meant. he will probably know. that will give you the answer about the need to apologize.