What to do

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I apologize for the length of this post.

For a long time as I grew up, I went to school and went home. I interacted with a couple people at daycare in between to pass the time, but didn't do anything with them outside of that setting.

When I was at home, my special interests occupied my time.

But people (family, doctor, school officials) would tell me that I needed to be more socially active. I pretty much ignored them. I remember once quoting a Simon and Garfunkel song saying "I am a Rock. I am an Island...I have no need for friendship, friendship causes pain..."

Eventually, after much vexation, I finally started attempts at being more social. But even though I tried, I had a lot of trouble fitting in. The more situations I was in, the better I got. This was in part due to the fact that if I was with a regular group of people, they became used to my awkwardness. Nonetheless, I was still the 'unique' one.

Towards the end of high school, I found out that I had Aspergers. This helped me to identify specific problems and work on them.

Fast forward to college. I go to wrong planet everyday to try to get help with AS related symptoms. It's helped to an extent, but not as much as I would like.

I attempted to join a fraternity in the hope that it would help me become better at socialization. They voted after several weeks and I didn't get in. A lot of people in the fraternity wanted me in, but a super majority vote was required. My understanding is that the reason I didn't get in was that I wasn't interacting well. Nonetheless, I still love the fraternity more than anything (other than God). I mean both as an organization with its rich history and customs as well as loving most of the members and desiring to do anything I can to help them.

I'm well on my way to a good career, but I am not sure why I should try.

Humans are social creatures. People with Aspergers have a lot of trouble with this. Yes, I can find some people to hang out with, but ultimately, I'm still going to have the same problems that I've always had.

I'm not angry, depressed, or upset. I just don't know what to do. Alot of people on here keep to themselves and have a hard time finding stable work, relationships, etc. That's not really the life I want, but I think it's the life I will end up with. What should I do? I don't want to waste my life away and accomplish nothing.

I'm tempted to go back to the "I am a rock, I am an Island" mentality. But, I've been attempting to socialize with people for so long that I don't think that I can go back. So really, neither way has worked for me. What should I do?

I am a certified professional life coach. I specialize in helping those with autism sprectrum disorders. I am currently writing a book on how to improve social skills. You are at an exciting time in your life and you CAN navigate the social world and reach your goals of being successful in your career as well as relationships. I know I can help you. Please feel free to email me at [email protected] or you can call me at 615-310-0426. My name is Pam Angel. My business is Life Coaching Angels. My website is under construction at the moment.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Pam

I kinda know what you mean. Once you get a taste for social interaction, it's hard to go back to how you were before.

From the sounds of it though, you're doing pretty ok; I mean, so what if a fraternity didn't want you; those things are cliquey as hell and even the fact that some of the members wanted you in is a great sign .

p.s. be careful about 'Pamo'; don't give out any personal details (including phone numbers) over the internet. I suggest finding someone local in your area if you need a counsellor.

Enter text here.

It is wise to be careful about giving out personal info over the internet. That's why I gave you my info and didn't ask for yours. I am just offering one option. I am not a counelor, I am a life coach who specializes in those w/ ASD. I am also a speech and language therapist and I work with many people with autism. Life coaching is different from counseling. A life coach will help you set your goals and help you achieve them. You can absolutely find one in your local area. I would just make sure to ask them if they are skilled in coaching clients with AS who need coaching in social skills as well as career and relationships. Good luck to you. If I can be of any assistance please let me know.

...is that you keep moving in the direction of a career.

My career is dead b/c I was too flustered and awkward in interviews. Mine's gone, and I don't want to see that happen to you. You've got resources to move ahead, and I know it isn't easy, but I think you can do it -- if you believe in yourself. It might be corny, but I think it's true.

Hi Jumanji, things can get better.

I used to feel like I might be lost in life. I couldn't imagine what I was going to do with it. I went to Ohio University and stayed to myself---no friends. It was just me, books, and class. I couldn't stand to stay on campus---to much change. I commuted an hour and half both ways to Ohio University---everyday. I needed the familiarity of my room in my parents' house.

I finally went into education and became a high school English teacher. I have been asked why I, with autism, selected teaching. I have wondered the same thing. The best answer is---it is the routine I have always been used to. Ever since Kindergarten, I knew school. So teaching was a continuation of that routine. I am now the school's gifted intervention specialist. I struggled a bit with teaching English, so the change in jobs was good.

But---I found my niche---but it took time. Some things take awhile. So please have patience with your life.

I am 45 years old now. I still have no friends. But I am used to that. I do not like to socialize. I rarely speak to my neighbors. The WrongPlanet is my socialization. We on the autism spectrum adapt to the differences that autism has given to us. I choose to focus on positives in my life. I am grateful to autism for giving me my special intense interests. I love music and roller coasters. I am thankful to be a talent-type autistic savant. If I become fascinated with a musical instrument, I can play it with no lessons and in little time. You need to find your positives and focus on them. Have fun with those positives and interests.

Are there challenging times? Yes. But everyone has those---autistic or NT. We have to learn to deal with our challenges, and those often happen as we progress through life---we learn ways to deal with them. Today, I try to allow myself quiet time away from the family so I can absorb into my world of interests. That is relaxing and does me good. In the past I have practiced self-harm/ pain . I don't recommend that. I started a thread on self-harm/ pain on the Members Only discussion forum here on the WrongPlanet where we discussed this. But there are healthy ways to deal with our stresses and anxiety. I am working on my life story with autism in a book. I find working on that book as fun for me and relaxing. I have a music ministry where I travel to various churches and play music and speak of autism in my life. I have found fun things for me to do that keep my life interesting and entertaining.

You need to find those channels for you. What are your interests and how can you make them work for you? This answer may take time in coming. But it could guide your life and make it what you want your life to be---successful. My quote on my profile is "My journey has just begun." That was the motto I adopted when I stepped out of the clinic where I was diagnosed with AS as an adult. I had a new grasp on life from that point. I now had the start of understanding why I had always been eccentric and different from the world around me. I felt fresh in life---and I have embraced autism as a wonderful thing in my life.

Please keep posting, keep discussing.

There isn't anything on here that identifies me. Unless you already know me and my condition. Which are very few.

In any case, keep discussing please.