Wondering what women with autism think of this.

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Basically, I want to know what women with autism think of this post, and those related to it.

I am posting this on the general autism forum, rather than on the women's forum, as this will hopefully gather a greater variety of replies. I believe this pertains to autism because it has been said that women with autism exhibit a less intense form than men. I also have personal reasons for asking.

I think you put out troll food and they came *shrugs*. Maybe try phrasing your questions and opinions more diplomatically (like this thread) and people will reply more seriously in future.

Why do you think it pertains to autism by the way?

I agree with Lene that opinions need to be presented without making broad accusations. Anytime you say "women are this" or "women are responsible for that" you will get negative responses because you are making unfair generalizations. In point of fact all women are not "this" or "that" or whatever your gripe may be.

Having said that, I find the post with the giant laughing faces in response to your comments rather offensive. You do make some valid points in the post that is quoted, even though you derail yourself by making broad generalizations that can be seen as offensive. When you say "There are good reasons to blame certain problems on women when the causes of these problems relate to behaviours characteristic of women rather than men," I can't in good conscience come to your defense.

But when you say "I will illustrate an example in which predominantly women, rather than men, cause problems to men: the loss of one's children, property and income following malicious no-fault divorce," I completely agree with you and I find that to be tragic, because it happens a lot. My ex-boyfriend lost seven years of almost no contact with his son after his divorce because his ex wife wanted it that way and the courts just shrugged.

I also think that we should be supportive of the particular problems that men with AS face when trying to form a relationship, but it needs to be done without implying that AS women have it easy, though some may have it easier than some men in that particular arena.

Personally, I feel for all the lonely people here on WP, both men and women, and I would like the discussion on the topic to be more supportive and less divisive.

I think your LOL is mesmerizing. Boingy boingy boingy boingy boingy boingy...

I further think hale_bopp's signature has broken code. The --primaloath construction would work better.

I think this is a hornets' nest I'm not certain I want to step-- boingy boingy boingy STOP THAT.

Your thread was doomed from the start. All I think about it is that oopsie, you may have stepped on some people's toes. People who aren't afraid to step on yours right back. I'm not taking sides because I don't frequent Love and Dating often enough to know how accurately the OP's summing up of the situation reflects the reality on the ground. And because I'm not an idiot and disapprove of flame wars.

The symptoms are not "less severe", really, they just blend in with activities that are (sexistly) attributed to female behavior. Like obsessive habits or collecting. A man collecting rocks can be identified easily as autistic. 'Male' things that they could collect, like cars and guns, are things I find people with autism generally aren't very interested in or are too costly. However, women collecting hundreds of recipes in books, or dolls, or mountains of books of pressed flowers, or books, isn't really looked at as anything *but* mildly, but not alarmingly obsessive. Women tend to blend in slightly better and mask things better--- it's not that we don't have to think about it (in fact, I plan out all of the dialogue to conversations I'm anticipating having before I even have them), it's just that when it comes to method, we generally seem to have a better grasp on how to blend in and pretend. But the symptoms are all still there under the skin, just as severely as it is for men. I saw a video about a small girl who was only recently diagnosed with autism, and the mother admitted "When our boys would these constant tantrums, we knew something was up" (roughly) whereas "When Kaede had the tantrums, we just thought 'what a little drama queen.'"

Maybe that helps. The behaviors of autism can also be attributed, just like that, to natural female behavior such as, say, wanting to dominate conversations and be know-it-alls (sometimes how neurotypicals view me, and would add 'just like a woman'). Or being obsessive while not empathizing, constantly asking 'Are you okay?' in relationships or friendships. . . well I see a lot of girls do that, albeit I think it's for different reasons, and so that type of obsessive behavior also gets overlooked as normal.

First of all, trolls are sockpuppets who are meant to get people on the internet riled up. People do not become trolls by simply disagreeing with you and/or pointing out what an ass you are.

Second of all, what kind of response exactly were you expecting when you wrote statements like that? I'm sure some people are patient enough to debate with you point by point and no doubt that always goes somewhere, but frankly I don't blame hale_bopp for posting the emoticons. Sometimes when an argument is so wrong you don't even know where to begin, either you bang your head against a wall or you laugh in frustration.

The issue I wanted to raise in this post isn't how I should present myself, or how people should address the points I raised there - what made me wonder is that people with autism have been making such replies in the first place. I cannot see why autistics would gang together to ridicule someone using non-verbal comments, as I assume this goes against the nature of autism. I myself am incapable of ridicule, simply because it seems inherently lowly to me, so I (being self-diagnosed) wonder whether the capacity to ridicule is a trait that appears in both autistics and NTs, or a trait that appears only in autistic women and NTs (so that an inability to ridicule would only manifest in more intense forms of autism).

One thing I don't understand is why people become offended when I mention bad character traits that women generally have. Yes, they do exist. If someone were to genuinely post about the bad character traits of males, whites, people who like Brahms etc, I would either agree with the person (and if I were a male, white Brahms-fan, consider how I could improve) or provide reasonable arguments for why I thought the claim was unreasonable.

My personal interest, regarding this thread, is that I have always wanted to find "my people" and be part of them, and my readings on autism seemed to suggest that the qualities I seem to have been cultivating forever (honesty, integrity, obsessive interests, absolute rather than relative compassion, a disregard for social status and lack of inherent manipulation skills) are also characteristic of autism. I'm not sure what to say now; maybe my people are just a subset of autistics, or maybe obsessive interests and a lack of inherent manipulation skills are all that I share with (all or a subset of) autistics.

UnderINK, thank you for your reply; while this may seem like an awkard question, do you find yourself ridiculing people at times? If so, for what reasons?

I rarely do, but I do have a grotesque aversion to morbidly obese people, or people who are so religious they're quacks, and have ridiculed them in my life. Not always intentionally. I'm really just speaking my thoughts without any social 'shut up, that's offensive' filter on my mouth.

Was the question removed?
I don't see the purpose or topic of this thread.

I couldn't really read it because of the distracting images. So I am copying it here. The quoted portions were in quote marks in the original post, and followed by large bouncing "LOL" graphics, so I assume they were not the poster's opinion.

primaloath wrote:

People with Asperger's are emotionally vulnerable and often subject to psychological abuse. This is particularly true of men with Asperger's, who cannot rely on social networks such as those that have been estabished by feminism over the course of the last 70 years in order to understand the mentalities of those who might seek to prey on them. The last thing we need is for a group of trolls to dissuade genuine, helpful, informative discussion in a forum that could help protect men with Asperger's against abuse.

primaloath wrote:

There are good reasons to blame certain problems on women when the causes of these problems relate to behaviours characteristic of women rather than men

primaloath wrote:

I will illustrate an example in which predominantly women, rather than men, cause problems to men: the loss of one's children, property and income following malicious no-fault divorce.

Erisad wrote:

Friskeygirl wrote:

Quote:

female troll squad in love & dating

oh my god, its normally just woman hating misogynists trolls in there

I know right?


Anyone can be abusive, regardless of age, gender, race, sexuality, etc. I don't know why this is such a difficult concept for people.

Ah. Thank you Surfman. Makes much more sense now.
I will, however, reserve my opinion on the topic - I don't want to piss anyone off

i don't understand the tendency of some members to try to undiagnose other members based on their disagreements on an online forum. even accusing someone else of being less intensely autistic is not fair to them.

perhaps women band together against you because you insult masses of people from said group?

wrong thread

This I wrote 3 weeks ago on another forum

The long term girlfriend kept on arriving at my house drunk or intoxicated on drugs ( I was a tee total at the time) and would invariably get nasty and throw her latest conquests in my face, be cruel and mentally and emotionally very very manipulative and nasty as. She damaged my 100year old front door, and windows and deck roof while breaking into my home.

She had major issues, but because she was 20 years younger and attractive I put up with her s**t. My having undiagnosed autism didnt help me either.

I called 111 on 8 separate occasions because she would not leave my property when asked. Each time police removed her, twice she did a night in the cells, once she stripped off and ran up and down the road naked, all to the neighbours delight. She was never charged, even after 8 removals

Eventually during a struggle she suffered a fat lip, as she often attacked me physically as well as verbally.

This time she called 111 and I was locked up for the night, and charged with male assaults female, which was dropped by police. I think the cops were pretty sick and tired of being called out to my home by then. So finally after the maf charge was dropped, I refused the relationship and she made 2 suicide calls to me, one time the police found her on the roof of her mothers 2 level townhouse

2 years later after causing all sorts of grief for all sorts of people, she was charged with criminal harassment by police, for screwing her best friends man and then writing hate letters to people pretending to be her ex best friend....

Anyway......

The shame amongst my peers that I went through, because of my being in love with this pathologically dishonest woman.....the ugly campaign she began to ruin my reputation amongst common friends and acquaintances, the corruption of others through her lies and dishonesty and unwillingness to take responsibility for her own poor behaviour.....

Is probably quite common fare by my reckoning....

She was expelled from St c***s and Takapuna Grammer, and had a primary teacher fired for disciplining her. Her mother defends her constantly(lives with the mother), and is largely responsible for validating her poor behaviour.


The really bad bit about all this: is that I caught encephalitis from this woman (4years ago) and my autism has got markedly worse since