Today.

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Don't know what will happen (when do we ever) but I'm waiting for someone to pick me up. We're going to drive a couple hours & find where my ex has put his trailer. He's my son's father & I'm pretty close to his youngest daughter, she called me last night (from her mother's) to tell me that she got a cryptic text message from a kid she doesn't know very well that her dad was very sick, maybe kidney failure.

Anyway, this is the person I was (aspergishly) obsessed with, for over 20 years 1988 to about a year ago. Like I had a child with him, after he broke up with me to be with someone else, while he was still with her, which I knew about ~ that type of obsession. The kind of obsession that would make you get "back together" with someone who clearly doesn't love you ~ but I actually did this, 15 years after the very disrespectful breakup. We were "together" on and off 2007-2009, I actually broke up with him one time!! ! (We did get back together after a long winter -- it was difficult, I had to see him a lot b/c our 15yo son lived w/him that year. And then, a while later, I *finally* got what was going on and broke it off for good.)

A few months before I came to my senses and left him, he found out (because I "dragged" him to the doctor, as he said) that he has cirrhosis, a fatal liver disease. Doctor told him to quit drinking and he did. For a few months. During that time we broke up, because I was finally able to see through my obsession to the person he really was. I was gone for a couple months & came back to find him drinking, and he has been ever since.

As I said, I'm about to go find out what's up. Got to drive to a small country town (I live in the country too, but I'm a city girl living in the country) and see if he's dead, dying, sick, even sitting up at the table having a beer & a cigarette, I don't know.

My one friend is going with me. Sadly my car is out of commission, I noticed metal poking out from the two front tires yesterday. Potential blowout there. I'm only driving it as far as the service station to get tires. But not today.

Actually that might be a blessing. Probably I wouldn't have called her if I'd been able to take my car (she's kinda annoying) But she's way more likely to be able to figure out what needs to be done. I do most of my living in the ethereal plane I think, and she's very earthly for the most part, striving to be spiritual. But she's an animal person, has ministered to many, it's a good thing she's coming.

You know what's weird? (Besides, like, every single thing about me & my life....) Yesterday my youngest son's father told me that our son's new teacher knows my other ex (the one I'm going to see today). Last night was open house at the the school, meet the teacher night or whatever (I HATE those events passionately, but my son wanted me to go of course). My son happens to sit on the front row & parents sat in their children's seats, and so I was the closest to her while she was giving her little talk to the parents. And he had just told me that, and I was wondering how that had come up in the first week of 4th grade.... but anyway, I was in the front row and she Kept. Looking. Me. in the Eyes while she was talking, and idk, was it a puzzled look? (Or was that me who was puzzled, lol.) I strongly feel that she's one of his flings from a while back. And he is not one to be forgotten.... idk.

My friend's partner is supposed to have picked me up an hour ago, but she's really slow, in every sense of the word, so I'm still waiting. Errgggh! OK just got the call she's coming right now. Triple errgggh!!

Good luck with all that.