Are Written Communications Easier Than Speech - How Common?

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I have a question for the Aspie community regarding communications. How common is it for Aspies who have significant difficulty with spoken communications to more easily understand written communications? And I suppose the parallel question might also be asked of how common is it for Aspies who have significant difficulty expressing themselves in speech to more easily express themselves in writing? I am less interested in the answer to the second question than to the first question as you will see below. I have read that written communications are often easier for Aspies than spoken communications. This is true with me but I don't know how common it is.

In my case, I am strongly affected by the social isolation, obsessions and strict routines, but much less affected in the various communications areas, and less so now than in my earlier years when I was silent as a brick wall. Long ago, somebody suggested that if I ever tried to put my thoughts into writing, then it might be something worth reading. I tried this and it worked well enough that writing became my best method of expression. The key to it seems to be the fact that the delays involved in writing are longer than the perception and comprehension delays that happen with AS, so you can stay ahead of the words rather than behind them as is the case with spoken words. In time this also helped my speech and I am no longer quite as silent as I used to be.

About 10 months ago, I met a new neighbor who is very silent and lives as much of a solitary life as I do. In time I suspected that he might be an Aspie and indeed it was only because of my efforts to try to understand him better that I realized I was an Aspie myself (eventually leading to my recent diagnosis). This guy has severe communications difficulties though, and although he always seems overjoyed to see me and treats me like his very best friend in this world while avoiding everybody else, I have never been able to start any kind of real conversation with him. The few words he has said to me have all appeared to be pre-thought, scripted responses so that he can say something rather than nothing at all as he often does. From the first time I met him, I've had an instinctive feeling of connection and sameness, almost as if we were joined at the hip. I would really like to get to know this guy if it is even possible at all, but the communications problems keep interfering (among other things). Spoken words are too much for him, so the thought occurred to me that maybe if I handed him a short written note (hello, my name is so and so, if you ever want to chat you can reach me at this phone or email address, plus a thanks for his friendship) it might give him enough time to try to understand my words at his own pace.

I would like to try to build some kind of consensus on the question of just how common it is for Aspies with severe communications problems to be able to deal with written communications significantly better. This will help me to know just how well this method might work and what other things I might be able to try. I should probably turn this into a poll since I see that option down there, but I am new here and have not figured out how that works yet. So your comments should tell me enough. My thanks to all for taking the time to read this and giving me your feedback.

your interesting aspie neighbor would love you to pieces if you could make some sort of written communications regime for him and you, and perhaps him and other folk as well. is he on the wrong planet? just curious. if he is not, well then he needs to be clued in to it.

The majority of aspies who I have met have found it much easier to write than speak and are more articulate writing than speaking. Unfortunately I am the reverse and am quite verbose in real life but struggle very much in my writing. I have great difficulty spelling and often have to not use the word I want as I cant spell it. I find it very stressful writing and hate pm's and emails really much. Ive done online tests for dyslexia and come out as haveing moderate dyslexia and I think that may explain my reversal from peoples common experience. I dont like speaking with people and struggle with real life social interactions but I do find expressing myself in writing even worse than 'in the flesh'.

I am a very good writer, & a very bad speaker. I often write down what I want to say to someone & give it to them to read because I know it will make much more sense & they will be able to understand what I'm trying to say much better if they read it than if I try to speak it.

Writing is much easier. I find I write a lot of lists, ideas, feelings. I even write down what I meant to say after an awkward conversation incase the same conversation is repeated in the future. The puzzling thing is when writing stories, fiction, journals, poetry, letters, etc, words come naturally but when speaking, I know the words but can't find them when I need them. Much harder with strangers, associates and friends than with family.

Sometimes I stop talking to everyone, even turning off my phone for days.

I've quit jobs by text message and email just so I didn't need to sit down face to face and look/sound like an idiot. Not proud of it but I have dumped people by text message. Not smart, just cowardly.

I almost never speak at all,if do it is only to my GF when i have one or when i discuss topics related to my work.
I feel that some of the reasons u gave are valid but there might be others reasons such as the spoken word is much more closer to a real touch and much more personal than the written one/
As a child i was considered a very gifted writer and everyone was sure i am going to be an author of some kind but i was never interested in writing as a career or vocation or whatever ,
I'm still considered as an effective,interesting writer (in Hebrew) but my relations with words or any form of expression is still very problematic to say the least/

I am an effective writer - I have published a lot and have awards for some of my work. I also used to teach and give lectures without serious problems, but I had real difficulty handling questions and responding to unplanned interaction with the audience.

In speech I am amazed at how people (deliberately, in my mind) manage to misunderstand many things I say, and say many things that I can't follow. A lot of the time it seems that we have had two entirely different conversations, and I always try to get written agreements or records of what was said for important things. Even with the doctor, I take a pen and paper and write down her diagnosis in front of her, like "so this is an ear infection and I need to take this antibiotic? And that is the only thing?" Incidentally, on a very few occasions where there was a tape of the conversation, the words were as I remember them, but the other person "didn't mean it that way", or said that I am "taking things out of context", or even outright denied that the tape was accurate. (The writing a record action will uncover these things straight away, and can be done in a friendly way - sometimes I tell people I am scatter-brained and forget things if I don't write them down).

I am actually involved in a dispute right now with a school manager who claims that I am breaching an agreement, but the written copy (sent by this person to a few hundred people at the time) is exactly what I recall. This person claims that the written copy "is not what was agreed".

Spoken words very often seem to mean different things, and all this unspoken context (which the autistic mind has trouble seeing) has to be taken into account. Even with the doctor, they expect you to understand the unspoken message of "there is nothing seriously wrong with you that these pills will not fix" or "these pills will calm you because I am very concerned that this will get worse".

I'm sure this is a case of "the grass on the other side is always greener," but I'd give anything to be in your shoes. Not only is it frustrating to open your mouth and not be understood half of the time, but it's also annoying (and embarrassing) when the problem then is assumed to be having English as your second language rather than something else. (Hello, people, ask my family and they'll tell you they have a hard time understanding me when I'm speaking my native language just as much as you do.) Plus, even if you only know how to speak well you can come across as "smart" or "articulate," whereas the best thing that can happen to you if you only know how to write well is receive an A on your English paper.

http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/auditory.html
http://www.ericdigests.org/2003-5/auditory.htm

Most of the time I understand words and sentences that people say. What is often difficult for me is to know the real meaning/intentions behind what they say. Half the time people say one thing and mean something completely different. I can detect that in certain obvious contexts, but have no idea how to recognize that in certain other contexts. I'm terrible at non-verbal communication, so it can be hard for me to know what people intend with what they say. For example, when someone says to me "you should come by for a visit sometime", I have no idea whether they're just saying that to be polite and don't actually want/expect me to visit, or whether they mean that I really am welcome to visit them and they'd like that.

In face to face communication there is so much non-verbal communication being used that I cannot pick up, but that neurotypicals expect/assume that I will pick up. When people communicate in writing, there is much less non-verbal communication to worry about.

In face to face communication there is also so much to think about in terms of social rules, so while processing what the person said and coming up with a response I still have to remember a bunch of social rules to follow, to avoid saying or doing something they'll find inappropriate.

I also think it's easier to take turns when the communication is in writing, because then you take turns replying to what the other person said and both get their turn and have the other person's undivided attention while they read the response. I feel like people pay more attention to what I have to say when it's in writing, because then they're not fighting to get their word in while I'm still talking. I also don't forget to ask them back or give them a chance to talk too. Writing makes all this easier.

With face to face communication there is so much to process and such short time to process it. The other person says something and I have to process the words, try to figure out what they truly meant with what they said, figure out what kind of a response is expected and formulate something to say back. All this has to happen in like one second, which is hard for me. With written communication there is much more time to process the information and formulate a good response and there is much less pressure and stress involved, since there is little non-verbal communication involved and less time pressure.

I feel that I understand other people more easily in writing, especially if it isn't always clear right away what they mean, and I can also express myself much better in writing than face to face.

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to give your neighbor your e-mail address and offer him to write you or suggest that you exchange written notes sometimes to get to know each other better. He may possibly find it easier to communicate in writing. You could still keep meeting or hanging out together without talking much, but you could also talk in writing sometimes. I think it's worth a try.

I am a very terrible speaker. With writing, well, my handwriting is horrible and barely legible, but if typing counts as writing, then I prefer typing. If not, then writing.

yes I have had aspies say that to me before. I still dont understand social situations though and so get in lots of trouble with people. My life is very horrible and I dont think you would like it. We all have 'our cross to bear' and must make the best of what we have, without begrudging or dismissing others struggles. Its hard for all of us.

Thanks... that is what I suspected and was hoping. So far it looks like the consensus is 100% with the exception of lotusblossom's case, which is somewhat different in its own way.

> is he on the wrong planet?

Hmmm, I interpret this with two possible meanings so I will answer both.

1) Is he on the wrong planet as on this website? I have absolutely no idea. I am so new here that I don't know how to look for users and/or posts in a particular geographic area if that is even possible. The thought occurred to me, but I still haven't gotten around to trying to find out yet.

2) Is he on the wrong planet as in being autistic to some degree? (I think this is what you mean because of the word "the" before "wrong planet"). I suspect that he probably does know about himself, but I don't know for sure. A better description of him will illustrate this (and maybe if he is here he might even recognize himself and realize I am trying to reach out to him). This guy is unusually tall, skinny as a string bean with long brown hair in a pony tail. He is a walking contradiction and has confused me countless times, although I am slowly beginning to make logical sense of it all. The first time I saw him I got the impression of a gung-ho, super-NT Steven Seagal like character about 30 years old who would probably not even give me the time of day. Then when I met him several weeks later his warm friendly greeting (only the word "Hello") and big smile at me told me the exact opposite and I also realized he was probably about 22-23. The contradiction comes from the fact that he rode the high school bus each day but he would not be in an apartment alone if he were only HS age. I think he was probably delayed starting school by several years due to his comm difficulties and is just now getting out on his own while still in HS. After that warm greeting, I knew something was different about this guy when he gave me a highly focused totally silent stare as I spoke to him, almost as if he were trying to absorb every last fine detail about each word that I said, but without really understanding them (which seems incredibly difficult for him). As I walked away that day, the thought popped into my mind, "gee, this guy is more like me than I am myself" and I still believe this. (Try that one out for a paradox).

Occasionally I have also seen a guy about my age (also with a pony tail) who seems to come around about once or twice a week. I think this guy may be his dad who comes around to clean up and take care of the things his son cannot do for himself (check mail, dump trash, laundry, restock food etc). I only need to take one look at the Aspie mess of abandoned / postponed efforts from 15 years in my apartment to understand this completely. The interesting thing is that this guy often leaves before his son gets home. This impressed me as being very unselfish and told me that he truly understands his son's need for solitude to function well. This is also a sign that he has probably known that his son is an Aspie for a very long time. So this seems to answer your question of whether he knows he is on the wrong planet by the second interpretation.

My current problem is trying to catch up with my friend. Last Spring it was very easy when he usually rode the bus and arrived at a predictable time. I could time my walk to the same area to coincide with his time in that spot and in effect manufacture a chance to interact with him (but not too often so as to not make it look unnaturally obvious). He has now moved from a 1 BR apt into a 2 BR apt (I originally thought he moved away), the location of which is not as convenient for the same walks I did before. Complicating the issue is the fact that he now takes one of two separate routes to his apt with one of three arrival methods and one of two entry paths into the complex so he is not as totally predictable as before. He seems to try to avoid that HS bus more often now (too much noise and distractions I suppose) and either rides the city bus or walks (I think down the railroad tracks, which is dangerous, but offers flatter terrain and a shorter route home... not to mention peace and quiet). This makes his arrival time totally unpredictable now. So I am now back to looking for patterns in his behavior so I can get back to my efforts to talk to him like I was trying to do last Spring. Another good idea I had was to order and wear an autism awareness T-Shirt when I finally get to the point of once again being in the same place at the same time as him (sweatshirt will probably be more suitable by the time it can happen... just the puzzle ribbon with no logos to serve as comprehension distractions). This will send him a message of acceptance and sameness without the need for speaking one word at all. NTs have it so easy... all they have to do is say hello and start chatting. We Aspies on the other hand must spend large amounts of time just trying to get to the point of being in the right situation to say those first few words.

The change in his routine/schedule is obviously an issue. Keep working at trying to predict the new routine?

I think a note is a great idea. Perhaps explain in it that you have difficulty with spontaneous speech and saw this as a way to 'break the ice'. I know I'd like that, and would be relieved. If he's not spectrum but has some other affliction that interferes with his ability to communicate verbally, this would probably also be a relief, as you've opened up a way to compensate for it. This assumes he can communicate in writing, which hasn't been discerned yet, of course.

I'm not much of a writer. I find it easier to speak.

> I find I write a lot of lists, ideas, feelings

I do the same thing and often write down phrases or sentences while doing other things like watching TV (if I even watch at all these days) so that I won't forget the thoughts when it comes time to put it all together into what i am writing. What I do is to keep a paper towel covering the small sheet of plastic I use for a lap board and write my thoughts on that. Paper towels sure aren't the easiest thing to write on, but they are easily replaced once they get covered with words. I don't know how common it is, but in addition to sensory overloads, I often get a condition of thought overload in which my mind goes totally blank for a while until I lighten up on the input. A shrink that my dad sent me to to during my college days (a Timothy Leary look-alike who was a very hip type like me) told me I should feel lucky because in those days (1969) everybody was trying to achieve a meditative state, but it came naturally to me without even trying. He diagnosed me with Schizoid PD (which I no longer believe since I crave social contact unlike SPD), but in reality it was AS as I have learned this summer.

> Sometimes I stop talking to everyone

This happened to me at age 16 when my mom totally overloaded me with demands that I must meet her own obsessive expectations along with a lot of high volume yelling at me in the process. I shut down completely and stopped talking entirely. This only added fuel to the fire and she became hysterical, demanding that I speak in between yelling sprees. It was only solved when I moved to live with my dad. That was no bouquet of roses either, but that is another story.

> even turning off my phone for days.

I have left my phone turned off for years (can't stand the sound of phone ringers). Instead I built a simple red light flasher that flashes a red light when the phone rings and use it exclusively now. Sometimes I don't answer at all unless I know the caller.