Hello again, I'm Shelby. I just thought I'd share my story.
I've always been super quiet and shy as long as I can remember. I liked to play and be by myself. My mom used to say you wouldn't even know I was there unless you saw me, she said that I was an "easy baby".
In school I was always quite and kept to myself. I only had about two friends that I stay around. In third grade my mom and I moved to a different city to her new boyfriend's house. (I should insert here that I've only met my dad once, and I barely remember it.) I was in a new school, which frightened me, new location and new faces, oh man. My mom felt I wasn't learning anything at this school, so for fourth grade sent me to a private school. Another new school, more anxiety.
The school was pretty small, my last year there, there was only eight of us 8th graders. The small classes kind of forced me to get close to the others. I was friends with the others, even though I still stayed quiet and mostly kept to myself, burying myself in my horror and fantasy books that I always had with me. So I was there until 8th grade, struggling along the way in learning some subjects and needing tutors (which didn't help much) while being super fascinated with others.
So, on to high school. I went to the school a few of my friends went to so I wouldn't be alone. People befriended me and talked to me (sometimes) but I remained largely quiet and kept with my friends. But, my friends started to branch out and I didn't feel good when they made new friends and brought them into our group.
I felt like I should make new friends so people wouldn't think I was weird, but I couldn't figure out how to. It didn't seem natural and made little sense. It seemed like everyone was dating everyone else, except for me, I didn't understand how to initiate conversation, let alone ask out a girl. Long story short, I remained the same through high school, struggling to learn how this high school society worked. I eventually graduated and got a job which didn't last long. I had a hard time talking to customers, especially when they were angry.
Later, I decided to join the military. I thought of myself as worthless, and thought that people might think something of me if I did this. It was hell. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and broke down. They sent me to a doctor who asked me if I had ever been diagnosed with autism, I wasn't ver well informed and wasn't completely sure what autism was. I said no, and she concluded I had depression. Well, of course miss doctor lady, look where I was. (I'm not saying people with AS can't do well in a military setting, but I couldn't) So, I was home after being there for six months. Six months of not knowing how to handle anything.
So, here I am, a couple years later. I still don't understand social situations, but I think I am a little bit better. I still hang out with two friends that I met in fourth grade, I still don't know how to make friends on my own. I'm sure I'll comprehend it one of these days, but hey, at least I found out that there are other people like me, which I doubted until recently.
28 Oct 2010, 2:17 pm
