What causes Obsessions? Why are they frowned upon by NTs?

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I was pondering all of the Obsessions that I've had, over the course of my Life.

Spiderman
Bunnies
The Colour Green
Routemasters, Part 1 (1980)
Ladybugs
Weddings
Hockey
The Dukes of Hazzard
The Olympics
The United States of America
London, Part 1
The Beatles
The Monkees
The Hippie Movement and the Late 60s
London, Part 2
Routemasters, Part 2 (1993)
Swingning London
Austin Powers
Cockneys and Pearlies
Routemasters, Part 3 (Late 2005)

I've enjoyed my Obsessions, for the most part. Especially the five most recent ones. What causes our Obsessions, and why are they frowned upon, by the NTs who supposedly love us?

When I am immersed in an obsession, it's something that takes a lot of my conscious energy and thought power, but it's also something that sort of...ties up the loose ends in my brain and gives me something to think about when I'm not really concentrating on something, if that makes sense. It's pleasant because it gives a continuity to my thoughts, gives me something to really focus on when I need to shut out distressing things or try to ignore really bothersome stimuli. It's an escape.

And it's pleasurable because the law of diminishing returns just doesn't kick in when I'm obsessed with something -- if thinking about it, learning about it, a little makes me happy, thinking about it a lot makes me giddily ecstatic. In a world where I feel like everyone else is reading off a well-rehearsed script and I am improvising my lines, it's something I know, it's something comfortable.

I suspect it has something to do with the way aspies cope with change. We need something in our lives to be unthreatening, constant, predictable. We need to feel as though we have a handle on something, and that can be a good way to do it. I can only really speak for myself, but obsessions have served this purpose for me in the past and continue to do so.

I don't know why they bother NTs so much except that NTs seem in general to have a shorter attention span for any one topic. They seem to prefer variety to deep focus, they seem to walk along the buffet of life and take a tiny portion of everything whereas I might just stick with chicken and broccoli because those are the things I know and prefer. I have been told that my choices in literal situations like that are boring...I am happy with consistency for the most part, and this irritates many of my NT friends and family members. Maybe our intense interests bother them for the same reason.

I think, for some of us, our deep special interests are based in neurology. I can't pinpoint it exactly, but I feel an intense emotional high come over me. It's a really ecstatic feeling, and it can last for a good many weeks. It may go up and down in intensity as time goes on, but I am always drawn towards some specific interest, though those interests have changed in my past quite drastically. I tend to feel sort of embarrassed about it myself, though I probably shouldn't, but I tend to keep my most deep interests to myself. These are what I call primary interests.

I also have secondary interests which are deep but are not as ecstatic. These may be preoccupations, such as my heavy interest in sociology and related theories. My interest in computers also can fit this realm. These interests have also changed over the years.

I believe that there are certain things that cause dopamine and possibly adrenaline levels to offset, which may be why I feel such an emotional high. It's like a feeling of ecstasy, similar to a feeling of riding a rollercoaster down a steep hill. I feel an attraction to my interests, a mere extension of myself. As for my primary interests, I have to have them around me at all times. When in school, I used to hide articles and pictures in binders or in my desk, though nobody really knew about them, not even the teachers, though there was this one teacher who found out by accident years ago. I like binders. I carry them with me a lot, and it doesn't look that eccentric to NTs.

I think NTs want to socialize a lot with their friends and confidants, so they don't understand the ideas behind our preoccupations. We like to spend more time with those than we do in social discussion. For some of us, a genuine social discussion could be dominated by our interests. We may appear aloof otherwise. We are much less social than NTs, and they don't understand it too well. At least, that's my take on it.

- Ray M -

Why is it frowned upon?

Well apparently its cool to be thick n stupid in popular culture. Have to say ive never signed up to it myself my feeling is if your not obsessed or passionate about something your as good as dead

I'm not thick, I'm not stupid, but I am the mother of an ASD boy. His obsessions make me nuts because he goes into huge, long lectures about his current interest. I simply can not tell the difference between a Flygon (sp?) and a polygon. Since it's all Pokemon, I just can't share his interest. But, that doesn't stop him - mom, I told you yesterday this is a TWICE evolved Pokemon.

I mean he gets so bad that I think the house could be on fire and he would run out the door only to resume his lecture while the house burns down behind him.

Even if it is something we can share, he rarely allows any interruption in his thought/lecture. Those interruptions are what I would consider as conversation where each person gets a chance to talk and add to the discussion.

I do love my son but that's why I frown on his obsessions. I love him enough to give him 10 minutes or so before I try to change the subject and help him learn a little about how conversation works.

Great question! I've had many obsessions throughout my life, never thought that much about them - in fact I was tempted to answer "Air causes obsessions", because I am usually obsessed with one thing or another at any given time. Life seems sort of meaningless and flat if I don't have an obsession or two at the forefront of my mind.

However I think aeturnus and elanivalae both made some great observations in their posts. I suspect that NT's derive this sort of pleasure and satisfaction from their relationships with others rather than from collections of things, knowledge, or certain activities. I had never considered that the pleasure I derive from my obsessions might be neurologically based, but it's interesting to think about.

I am lucky in that my husband (after 30 years of this) understands that having obsessions is a sort of lifestyle for me. He teases me a bit about it, but I don't think it really bothers him. On the other hand, I have learned that he (and others) are not going to be especially interested in the latest addition to my rock collection, the structure of trilobite eyes, or my newfound ability to twist myself into a formerly-impossible yoga postition, so I don't go on and on about such things.

My mother actually asked me when I was younger if I cared more about things than people. I didn't really know the answer - whether I did or I didn't. I knew that I threw a tantrum or two when we were on holiday and going back a day late so we'd miss the sunday morning carboot sale (from where one of my main obsessions was generally gleaned - My Little Pony).

I think there's also a fear factor with NTs. The world is all about following social expectation. The loved ones of an Aspie fear that their Aspie child or partner will shut themselves away in their obsessions and never come out and live a 'real and fulfilling' life. What many of these NTs don't understand is that our perception of a real and fulfilling life doesn't necessarily match theirs. I don't find anything fulfilling or real in late night binge drinking or clubbing (too much noise! Ouch!) or any of those things which seem such a valuable part of the NT 'lifestyle'.

We'e often accused of being narrow and having tunnel vision, but I tend to think where AS is concerned, a lot of NT's have misguided tunnelvision. We have our obsessions, which make us happy. They want us to be happy in ways they understand, because they can't understand things our way. And when you can't understand something, you tend to fear it or disapprove of it.

That's why kids bully other kids in the playground for differences. They can register the difference but they can't understand it - so they attack it. The family of Aspies etc aren't trying to attack the Aspie, but they are trying to 'normalise' them so the rest of the world won't attack them.

Really, it seems to me the rest of the world needs to take a couple of lessons in acceptance and tolerance before trying to tell the Aspies how to behave and live ^_^. I think we'd all be a lot happier if there was more acceptance of our way of thinking alongside NT thought structures.

My obsessions actually aren't as dominant now as they have been in the past. My Little Pony is the ongoing one - MLP and writing stories. I love football (UK version. Brit here), but am often more interested in the stats than the game. I love languages - but haven't studied French in a few years now.

I've learnt to curb many of my obsessions when it comes to speaking to those around me - but then I'm lucky that there are online forums and communities (with large NT populations, too) that share those passions and take some of the edge off it.

Apple

There are some silly things I get obsessed with like bodily features like hair and freckles and causes me to often stare at people with many of those features and thought of them consequently goes around and around in my mind like a loop. but I now try my best to offset them with other obsessions like the weather, cosmology and behavioral psychology. Yes behavioral psychology is featuring pretty big now, I do not mind having obsessions with the weather as I find so much common ground with aspies and NT's alike.

Paul

I'd like to thank you for all of your responses. You've all given my a lot of insight.

The reason that these two questions have popped into my Mind, is because I get a little anxious, every time that I sprout a new Obsession, and this has been going on, since I was in my Early Twenties. I remember my Mom telling me about my Diagnosis that I've recieved, at the age of Five and a Half. She told me that it was the reason behind my Obsessions. She also told me that I would grow out of my Condition, as I got older, and the statement about growing out of my AS seemed very much like a Golden Promise. Through the Obsessions of the 1960s and the things that came along with them, I sat around, Dreaming of the day that my Obsessions would become a thing of the Past, once I'd reach the Magic Age of 20. That never happened. I've had my Routemaster Obsession that I've hidden for 11 Years, that her demise has added the flames to. I was also obsessed with Austin Powers, from May 3, 1997, until a couple of years ago. I was sure that I've grown out of the last of my Condition, from the Summer of 2004, until that Dark Morning of Saturday, December 10th, 2005. Instead of putting on that "I could care less, I'm just like the rest of you" Mask, I've decided to do an experiment with the sentimental feelings that I feel towards Routemasters, when I'm not high on Coffee, and since I've allowed myself to have my current obsession, I've had a more positive outlook on Life and I've been getting out more, and doing more Activities. I've grilled my Mom with questions, regarding my improved Attitude, and she appeared to be getting annoyed, towards the end. Than I've added in a sharp, but positive way, "I've decided to start being myself, durring the Second Week of Last December!" Than she widened her eyes in shock, because she wasn't expecting me to say that, with confidence.

You hadn't heard from me yet. My obessions are Final Fantasy music and the stuff, tiger pictures and writing novels.

Don't forget that many people consider parenting as a chance to make things better - so what if my life was a mess, my kids are going to have the good life. I'm going to be a good mom, I'm going to love them, I'm going to guide them and help them.

My Aspie just doesn't seem to get that - he prefers HIS world his way (and so did my other two, they just didn't quite use the same language).

I'm learning that it's okay and I'm trying to help him be less of a square peg in some situations. Just yesterday, while we were walking, he announced how much he loves his life. Tomorrow we have a social situation that may not go as well but he wants to try. So, we'll give it our best shot.

Cockney - your mom may just be doing the best she can to make your life good for you in the only way she knows. Oh, my mom told me I would grow out of my acne - well, how much more do I have to grow? I'm in my 40s and still get pimples.

Thing is - it's a completely airy fairy thought, because it will never happen - but if society stopped making pegholes that were only of the round variety, it wouldn't matter if you were a square peg.

The point I'm making is, Aspies in society in general have to make all the changes. We're the 'odd' ones. There is no ground given for our differences without being treated as 'ret*d' or 'disabled' - which in most cases we don't consider ourselves to be.

It'd be nice to have non Aspies meet us half way sometimes, as equals of different perceptions. I kinda feel like, why should we make all of the changes ourselves? Why should we learn to speak NT and act NT and adopt NT customs and habits when there's very little movement by most NTs to jump in and learn aspie until it's forced on them. Most NTs don't take any thought about it till they have one diagnosed in their family and are forced to look at it - It sucks, don't you think??

That's all.

Apple