"You're not autistic!"

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Anyone else ever get this response when you tell people you have AS/autism?

It does kind of put me off telling people I have Aspergers sometimes.

On occasion I have told friends about it, who have turned round and said "you're not autistic/don't have AS, autism is -----" and tell me what they know about the condition based on a few myths they have read in the media. Then I panic, I don't know how to respond and just go quiet and end up feeling very stupid and as though they think I'm a liar.

I was diagnosed and yes people who don't know me as in live with me or are just acquaintances have said that. People who have been around me for a while know better though. I have been able to tweak certain issues because I was tired of it myself but not everything. It comes out more when more things are going on and keeping up with everything, sounds, conversations and multiple people occur or multi-tasking.

I only tell people I have AS if I really trust them. All my friends have AS, so they know. My mother and father and stepdad of course know, and obviously my boyfriend and his family know, as he's an aspie too. My brother and his girlfriend know, and probably several of his friends(especially his aspie friends, and he has a couple) and my Grandparents. There aren't a whole lot of people hwo know, but I make it a habit not to introduce myself as "Shadesofme---I have aspergers." I'm a bit weary since I tried telling a few friends before. One in middleschool laughed at the name(assburgers), and another one didn't understand at all. It can be hard.

the spectrum is soooooooooo wide, deep and
diverse.

The important thing is you know youself and
how this plays out in your relationships.

Early on in my dx I would be deeply offended
and irritated by others minimalization of
my AS and or at times refusal to accept my AS....
........there problem.

However, until I could accept my AS and understand
all the many creative ways in which I concealed my
differenc, I was often very miserable

I have only gotten it online from jerks. Never in real life as far as I know. I don't tell anyone anyway I have it.

But however, when I would tell people online, they would believe me because they can already tell because of what I am saying and how I am talking.

the spectrum is soooooooooo wide, deep and
diverse.

The important thing is you know youself and
how this plays out in your relationships.

Early on in my dx I would be deeply offended
and irritated by others minimalization of
my AS and or at times refusal to accept my AS....
........there problem.

However, until I could accept my AS and understand
all the many creative ways in which I concealed my
differenc, I was often very miserable

Completely agreed. I have been diagnosed with AS as a child and while I don't necessarily show the symptoms of it now, I know for a fact that my brain is still wired for AS functioning although much of my behaviours are compltely NT. There are things I still struggle with sometimes, though.

I have no diagnosis of Autism but one of dyspraxia and even my best friend won't believe me. I don't know why. She is gifted and bipolar though, and tend to be jealous, I assume she either does not want to admit that her friends can have a disorder / be abnormal or that she does not want to admit that she is not the only one who is suffering or may be intelligent.
There's only one friend who believe me, the others all want to show me how easy my life is compared to theirs. People tend to act like that, disorders are a good thing when they have them and can complain, not when someone they know have one and tell them.

I don't know when you have been diagnosed but it's even worse when you have not been diagnosed before 10 because people assume you were faking it in order to have a diagnosis (even when something was suspected ).

Plus, people who are friendly with you and know you can have a social life even if you are not a party animal or anything like that, and people who realize that you are intelligent or do not fail at everything, will tell you that you cannot have any problem .

There is also the fear of the difference. Autism frighten people because of the many myths they "know".

Wow, faking to get a diagnosis? Is it really that easy?

I was 13 when I was diagnosed - apparently the "authorities" had known since the age of 3 that I had AS but had never officially given me a diagnosis, which I am very angry about as I think an early diagnosis would have saved me a lot of problems as I could have got the help I needed. At the age of 13 when I just wanted to appear normal and try and fit in and image was very important to me, it was the last thing I wanted to hear. I was absolutely horrified, and it took me years to accept I had AS - no way I would have faked it.

It's worse when it's people I expect to be the most supportive who react in that way - considering I'm very selective who I tell and chose to open up to someone I really trusted about my AS. The person I told was a very good friend who also knows someone with an autistic son, and probably because my symptoms don't show in the same way as the young boy that's why he doesn't recognise it in me. Even my dad still denies there is anything wrong with me, and I ended up feeling very frustrated this weekend when he was talking about it.

Only when the people examining you have no experience with autism...

I tend to get angry when I read about faking to get a diagnosis. Why would anyone want to be diagnosed with autism when they don't have it? Its not that sexy. I would feel a lot better not having it.

I do not know. Really, and I have no idea why people think they can tell whether you have something or not. No one would come to you when you're sick and in bed that your doctor is wrong and that you do not have the flu or something like that, but it seems different when it comes to these disorders.



I understand, my parents are still denying everything and did not let me know that my teachers and doctors had told them that something was wrong with me when I was little (at 3 like you, though no name was given). I have exactly the same feeling about this lack of early diagnosis, though I still do not know everything.

As both you and IamTheWalrus, I do not understand why someone would want to fake a disorder, it took me years to accept that "trying to be normal" did not work, even at 17, when I moved, I was depressed for a year because I realized that moving does not help you becoming normal . And if I had had a diagnosis earlier, I think it would have been hard to accept because I was not informed (yeah, even dyspraxia is depressing at first because adults lie to you about how you are normal, not ret*d and people are jealous).

It's really hard to find someone who is supportive, I know for sure that one of my friend denies everything because I was not diagnosed before being 10 (OF COURSE MY PARENTS AVOIDED ANY DIAGNOSIS) or because I did well at school.
I have been told that one of them felt threatened by my dyspraxia because to her it meant that I was perhaps more intelligent than her and struggled more with life when I was young though I have learned to be happy.

For others, it's just that they are afraid or uninformed. But it's hard to inform them, if you want to try, just bring some proof like a book about Asperger.
But mostly, I think disorders make people feel confused and they do not really understand or have trouble coping with the fact that they know someone who is not normal.
Really, the only disorder which seems acceptable is dyslexia. Perhaps ADHD.

Yeah, I only tell those I trust or are intelligent to know what autism actually is. There are those who I've been friends with for a long time who I haven't told because I know that they wouldn't get it and assume that I'd have to be "The Rainman" or something. :/

I don't know how someone would fake a disability like Pervasive Developmental Disorder.

Most NT's never think far eneugh to consider the underlying medical disabilities that cause the behavioural and personality charecteristics of AS or Autism. You don't get diagnosed with something like PDD unless you have serious developmental differences/ disabilities.

But they look at me and say to themselves, "duh, she don't look like there's nothin' wrong with her, she must be fakin', maybe she's a scamming, lying, NT crack-head trying to work the system an' get a free ride! She must've tricked all those proffessionals with degrees and experience! -duh, aren't all AS people got some kinda savant super powers - Why should I help you, if you already have the advantage of having autism!?"

Meanwhile . . .

What free ride???? I have not found any benifit to being AS.
unless you have an IQ under 70 you're on your own where I live.

Being AS essentially boils down to being clinicly unlikable and unemployable while not deserving any help or sensitivity. Somehow they believe that while there is really nothing wrong with me (despite documentation) that I am somehow qualified for some kind of financial landslide (presumably provincial disability funding - I'm not sure why NT's envy that), meanwhile you don't get disability funding (which is no financial landslide - more like etermnal poverty) unless you are disabled meaning you have some kind of neurological or physical disability like epilepsy or CAD or you're incontinant - none of which the NT's will be able to SEE when they decide that I don't LOOK like there's anything wrong with me . . . argh!

But NT's are stupid it's not thier fault - they can't ever understand because they are terrified of what it would mean to live with my brain, their uber social chemicals overwhelm their brain and stop any actual thinking - they may be trying to empathise but they can't because they can't actually fathom living with this reality, it is easier on their week little brains to say: not possible, must be faking. The alternative is unthinkable - how could this person be walking around living their life if this is what they have to contend with? The weak little NT brain would be shreaking on the floor, terrified to face another day.

It is much more meaningfull to spell it out to them:

I have a condition that causes life threatening icedents where I am incompacitated and unconcoius and might die and it might happen at any moment - intractible siezures (epilepsy)

Flourecent lights may trigger one of these episodes, the majority of work place environments are dangerous and might kill me. (photosensitive seizures)

I have times when my brain does not process the information I am hearing I become confused and I can't see, or understand what I am hearing or communicate to others, I am vulnerable and disorientated and this can happen at any time - cognitive auditory dysfunction / sensory problems (PDD)

This is when the NT's shut down (it's unimaginable, they cannot empathise) - how could this person (me) go on living? How can they face the day? It is incomprehensible to them - social anxiety (AS)? that's it? NT's assume we must be making this sh*t up, it's just too much to fathom - but what do you expect they are stupid petty NT's THEY DON't THINK, THEY GO BY THEIR FEELINGS (that's what makes them NTs), all they are really capable of understanding is: disability? that sounds unpleasant, can't we drink beer and watch TV? - oh are you still making noise? would you quit your complaining, you don't look like there's anything wrong with you so why should I care?!"

Last edited by ninszot on 22 Sep 2010, 9:33 am, edited 2 times in total.

I hate when people say that! It's so annoying. I hear this from the same people who say that autism is over diagnosed. These people claim that autism is a fad.

Most NTs don't have enough understanding of autism to be able to make a judgement about whether someone is on the autism spectrum or not. It's taken me a long time to understand my relationship with Asperger's. I don't fulfill ALL of the typical conditions that most aspies have. For example, I don't stick rigidly to a daily routine. It would be far better if people were to say: “I don't know enough about autism to say whether I think your on the spectrum or not – I'll take your word for it”, rather than “I don't think you're autistic”.

When I was diagnosed with AS several people came to their independant assumption that I was now somehow more able to achieve a PHD because they had heard of Temple Grandon and Tony Attwood. They have AS and they did a PHD so you should go out and do that now . . . Makes as much sense as thinking because schizophrinic Westley Willis was a rock star that being diagnosed with schizophrinia will help you become a rock star.

I get the impression that most people are getting their information about Autism and AS by watching Rainman, X-Men and Heroes - as if we are all independantly wealthy (own shares in apple maybe), have savant abilities (and are flying around with super powers - Xmen) which give us advantages over the average person (Heroes)

If they are drawing from non-fiction sources, they find the one or two examples in all of human history and assume we are imparted with these profound gifts and completly ignore any unpleasant details - like the millions of people living with life threatening disabilities resulting from PDD.

Seriously, I don`t understand how NT`s are capable of considering aspergers while ignoring the PDD! I know it feels easier for them and that they find medical subjects uncomfortable but how can you NOT get that? unpleasant or not, to NOT connect the medical aspects of PDD with the social aspects of AS is either profound stupidity or just people being mean spirited.

Most mammles have an instinct to prey on the vulnerable - NT's are no different.
Either there is something I really don't understand about how NT's think - or they are just stupid and mean (current assumption)