Girlsfriends and forming relationships

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I am curious as to how people with special needs, Autism or any other learning problem find getting a girlfriend and forming close relationships with the opposite sex.

I do feel I am somewhat socially inept and impaired when it comes to making friends especially keeping them/maintaining the relationship but more so when it comes to dating.

My success with women has been poor in the ability to develop any proper realationship with them.

For example when I was young one girl asked me out and that same day she "dumped me" why I don't know but I was quiet I think and I didn't really know how to act when with her.

Another girl asked me out which I liked but often when we were alone it was arkward and at times would sit on the floor in my room when she was sitting on the bed where barely of us spoke. I didn't understand after weeks of us "going out" she was upset when I didn't want to see her anymore because I felt the who girlfirend and boyfriend thing was confusing to me and I didn't know how to be a boyfriend. Altough when we talked on the phoned it wasn't too bad she reponded well but maybe that's just because she liked me I do remember a lot of long pauses and silence on the phone I often didn't or coudln't think of what to say.

Another girl asked me out which I liked as well I invited her over and I tried to just get to know her a bit more but I could tell she some got bored because she was conatantly playing with her mobile phone again being alone with her felt awkward to me and she never really got in contact with me again.

The most recent girl I tried to see already had a boyfriend but she liked me and I liked her we met at a group for those looking for work who have a learning disability. Again the same arwkardness accurd and altough I tried to ask about her and get to know her things didn't go anywhere. We met for a drink which we were only there for barely an hour so then I went to her place she told me "you could try and get to know" me but I really thought I was the whole time I never talked about myself I tried to get to know her. No surprise then when I got home she texted back "sorry can we just be friends".

I am not shy anymore around women like I used to be but still I don't really know how to get a girlfriend like most men do meeting a woman and having a proper relationship seems beyond me however marriage has never appealed to me or being a family man even a young age, I guess I have always had a loner mentality. I can talk to people relate to them etc but I clearly seem be immature or socially inept when it comes to women. I also feel that those with special needs are perhaps more niave and immature when it comes to women because I was teased quite a bit in school girls saying they liked me (I believe them) but they didn't I often can't tell when someone is joking or being serious.

Anyway can anyone relate to this? How do people with Autism especially those on the more able end High Functioning or whatever find dating and getting or trying to get a grilfriend?

Thanks

I'm very similar. I find that as I get to know people better, I find it easier to converse with them and am not as nervous, but before then I get very nervous and have problems conversing.

Even after I've got used to talking to someone, it's often still awkward unless the other person can keep the conversation going, because I'm crap at doing that. Though, if the other person can do it fine, I'm often surprisingly good at chatting when it comes to it. Most of the time, anyway.

As for how that pertains to relationships, I have my awkward moments and sometimes have problems sensing non-verbal signals and such, but am usually fine as long as I'm kept talking and the conversation dosen't die.

Of course, in a relationship, there's a lot more complex things you have to, like be romantic etc, and I think I'm actually quite good at that stuff. I asked one of my exes out with a poem, for example (I hid her name in the first letter of each paragraph, too).

TBH, there's a lot more that probably comes into play, but analysing something so complex is pretty hard, even for an Aspie

Really, though, the success of the relationship depends on the girl I'm with. As I've explained, aspects of her personality effect how well I come across too.

In the end, it just comes down to basic compatibility.

Not worth anyone's time, but everyone is weak.

You are though are you? You are strong, brave, and the embodiment of power and awesome.
Well you could be. Can't tell from your posts because they have been for the most part rather lame and cringeworthy. Amirite?

Lol, yeah it's true that I haven't been very worthy of being a member of this forum.

Technically I meant weakness in a spiritual aspect, it's also true that sin engulfs me. But that is already changing as we type.

Good for you.
Bravery is brave.

I think we can agree that we disagree on many if not all things.

What do mean by this exactly?

I don't think this subject is pointless I thought many here could relate or at least understand?

Ah, I was bored;

This thread isn't pointless, I had trouble trying to get into a relationship and later on it was not worth the effort. Not only that but she had a boyfriend.

I'm better off alone than with another person.

From what I've read, many people here can relate to the feelings expressed by the OP.

I went through a lot of that, even though I was never diagnosed with anything, and still see myself as more likely not on the spectrum than on it (my son is diagnosed AS). I used to attribute it to being shy, and not having grown up with any brothers; plus my father and I didn't connect all that well in my childhood, so I felt men were somewhat alien creatures.

Well ... things change over time. I know it sounds cliche to you now, at this point in your life, but looking back over mine ... things happened when they were supposed to happen. I took a long, slow road to learning how to have solid relationships, but accomplished a lot in my career in the meantime. I learned much about myself that I probably would not have learned in a relationship, and now I am learning things that I would probably not have learned single. Each has its attributes, and its place. Everyone's road is different, but as long as you engage in life you learn to trust that your road is the right one for you.

Right now you are going through a process in these awkward relationships that will teach you things you need to learn, for one reason or another. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you'll end up somewhere. I just can't tell you where.

I am incompetent with members of the opposite sex unless they're married to one of my friends-then I can be comfortable and talk to them without the underlying "threat" of impending date or you like me? or I like you? All of that is pretty much painfully difficult for me. The reason I post this is because not everyone is meant to be in a relationship or marriage. If you are a loner stop torturing yourself by trying to be someone you are not and be happy with yourself and your friends.

That was a great post. Good advice for the young and anxious.And the old too. LOL.

everything happens when it is suppose to happen.

There have been some who have expressed interest based on my looks. Thus, I do not have to start the contact. The other person does that already. So having aspergers does not effect my ability to start one.

My problem is I am not interested in relationships or that person is totally void of any personality and always reminds me of a socially conforming stick.

Personally, I think you should get to know the person better and then go out with them. As for the opposite sex, treat them like a human being and it will be a lot less awkward.

Yeah I am quite a loner, people (one guy especially) told me I was, my parents probably know I am too but they don't seem to want to admit it.

Anyway I don't really feel shy or nervous like I used to, I can talk to just about anyone with ease however I still find it hard to make friends and maintain the friendships. Even the few friends I have had I was never close to them I don't have close friends mind you I often don't share a lot of my thoughts and feelings even with my own family.I do think maybe I am a bit immature compared to peers because I tend to talk a lot to others about narrow subjects for example movies, music or videogames, for example a lot of people my age love football and sports so I find it harder to relate to them more so because I don't like sports. For some reason I tend to get on better with guys younger than me or older

I just think I maybe slightly social inept I can talk to women (sometimes they approach me) but I always fail to develop a relationship with them especially a sexual relationship. Like I said even in my very early years I had problems but it's not nerves though or lack of confidence because my confidence is good now but I still can't seem to form proper relationships with women or know how to. I doesn't bother me too much though I am used to being alone and I have been a loner most of my life.

I am a girl and I could NOT get along with guys for the life of me. All through growing up.

It got to the point where I gave up on ever being able to get along in the context of a relationship and thus did not expect one to form.

Now, with the internets, I get along OK with some guys. But they have not met me IRL. *shrug*

For me, very difficult. I know I can be repetitive and mechanical which is unattractive. So I have an online GF. She lives in a different country. She says she is an Aspie too. I am not sure because I don't read her like I can others with AS. Although lately I am understanding her better. We are very stubborn and all we seem to do is argue! She says she loves me. Maybe in my own funny way I love her too. But it has been only a few months. I was not looking for anything in particular [maybe I am still not] and she was just browsing and found me? I say to her, she could do "so much better" which she finds patronising somewhat.