Do Not Disturb

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Do Not Disturb

Have you ever wanted to politely tell that to the world? Do Not Disturb---Please. I am not afraid of people, but sometimes I just don't want to talk. I mean, it can be very awkward to the point where I am nearly searching and searching and searching for something to say to this person that I am finding it so awkward to communicate to. And I didn't ask for the conversation---they did. Why did they do this?

Do you understand where I am coming from?

After a long day of teaching the gifted, I go to the pick-up area to get my youngest son. And many times as I am standing there waiting for him, these certain three people (luckily not always at the same time) will wander up to me and begin some chit chat conversation. How do I politely say, "Please do not disturb---this is causing me stress"?

Why is it that when I played my dulcimers at church last weekend that before the concert I went to the basement to use the bathroom, and this man bangs hard on my arm, "How ya doin?" I felt like saying, "Fine before you assaulted me." Then, as my touch sensitivity was overstressed, I hurried up the stairs and banged my head on the low ceiling. Then after the concert they have snacks for us who performed at the concert. I found me a nice private place to set. And after getting my seat, someone has to feel like I am lonely (I AM NOT LONELY) and they set down and start this talking. GEE!! !

Sometimes I just want a sign that says, "Do Not Disturb."

I am a positive person and I am proud to have Asperger's. I gladly accept it with all of its challenges. But sometimes I just need my space. And I get annoyed by people feeling like they have to entertain me when I am alone---such as thinking I need someone to talk to. I am not afraid of people, but I just need my personal space. I am thankful for the WrongPlanet, for here I can communicate to people who are like me with Asperger's, but yet do it from the privacy of my personal computer.

As a child, I used to walk deep in the family forest to this one particular cave on the property. And I would sit back in that cave and listen to the water trickle deep within its void as I peered out through the sunlit entrance by the steep ravine. I was alone. And I found this a most valuable luxury---this time alone in the solitude of a cave.

As a child, I used to set up one of my many tents in the backyard on warm sunny days. And I would zip up the entrance and lay down on a warm sleeping bag and focus on the cozy glow of the daylight filtering through the colorful nylon roof. I was alone. And I found this a most valuable luxury---this time alone in the solitude of a tent.

As a child, I used to climb to the top of my tree house on innocent summer days. And I would peer out over the neighborhood beyond as the sun caressed my shoulders. There I would dream of a magical amusement park that I had invented. I was alone. And I found this a most valuable luxury---this time alone in the solitude of a tree house.

As an adult, I long for those childhood days when I was innocently allowed precious times of solitude. Oh, I still have those times, but there is just something incredibly magical about the childhood days of solitude of my yesteryears. Sometimes I just want to say, "Please do not disturb...please."

Last edited by glider18 on 27 Sep 2010, 8:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You were one lucky kid. I have no complaints at this juncture in my life, thankfully. But yes, I do hear you.

If you're anything like me, your reaction is to be curt, because after all, you don't really feel like talking! But have you tried coming up with a conditioned response... something like "Hey, do you mind if we talk later? I'm enjoying some time alone right now."?

Meadow---thanks for hearing me on this.

SuperTrouper---I like the suggestion, I may try that. Thank you.

I stoped going to church because of busy bodies wanting to chat with me when it was over. When I complained about it to my parents, I got yelled at and told to wait in the car. I dreaded going to church because I did not know when it was truely over for me and when I could go home becuase my parents would engage in the chit chat. I simply stoped going. I would scream at people trying to talk to me, "LEAVE ME ALONE!! !" but my parents would get mad.

Hi PunkyKat---I do admit that church people like to get up in our face. To be able to worship God in peace would be so nice. I do have one advantage there---I am the church organist so I am kind of away from the main crowd where you get pestered. But, I still get pestered enough. I firmly believe that we with autism need our personal quiet alone time. There is nothing wrong with that. It is a shame it ruined your church experience---but you don't have to go to church to know God---if you are into religion.

This is a typical NT alpha male behaviour indicating an interest in social communication and social association. If you had given this response, or a simple "Ow!" he would likely have reclassified you as not-viable to his social station and would never have bothered you again.

Personally, I hate that kind of social behaviour. It took a long time before my father stopped doing that to me on a regular basis. I think he stopped doing it around the time I dropped out of college. I think it was a determining disappointment for him.

I know how you feel but I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions. Any response I've ever come up with was seen as rude and weird. Maybe you could bring a newspaper and pretend to be reading?

How I relate to your youth tales. First grade, my dad picked me up, often we drove to the park where I would hide out underf a nice hollow bush while hde sat under a tre reading. Later I spent lots of time in the untravelled parts of the park.

Unsolicited conversational approaches always bothered me, though I handle them better today. I lucked out, though - when the person next to captive audience me on the plande got to asking what do I do, I just told him. Nearly all of them hesitated, said "That is interesting", and shut up. "I'm in African Linguistics" is a great conversation stopper.

There are nights that everybody stays home, that I just don't answer the phone.

I was just about to say that I don't get this very often, and it might be because I seem unapproachable, but in reality I think I might not be understanding when someone is speaking to me or know when they want a conversation. I don't think I've ever in my life had a conversation with a random stranger IRL.

I kind of hope that isn't true and I'm just "unapproachable", because it sounds less rude.

You've never sat down waiting for the bus and had someone say "So how about this weather?"





How do you do it?

Well, I've never been waiting for a bus. I'm probably not around people enough I suppose, but I don't think that's a very good solution. <_<

I remember when I was a kid...I would climb anything that could be climbed. My mom callled me her little monkey. I loved, always loved, going in the woods by myself...I feel closest to God when I am in the forest, alone. Here I cant do this because we moved to bear country, and I dont want to tangle with a momma bear with her cubs.

As far as folks wanting to talk when you need some space...sometimes we need some time to unwind. I read in "Psychology today" last month's issue that introverts need time alone to recharge our batteries...too much socialization is bad for our physical and mental wellbeing.
So When you really need to be alone, do what NT's do. You kinda have to speak to them in their language even if you dont understand it.
Cross your arms...which is a nonverbal message of defense, then put your right hand out in front of you facing them and tell them, " I need some time to unwind, I dont mean to be rude, but I need some time alone" This way you let them know, clearly, but mindful of their feelings that you need to be left alone.

As for the Alpha male slap on the shoulder, it is best to joke with them about having a heavy hand. It goes like this. Darn boy, easy with the lead hand, you might break something. Say it with a smile.
He will get the point, but you wont get his Alpha male defensivness to deal with.

I hope that helps.

I don't think you should avoid conversations just because you feel socially awkward with them. If people continue to engage you socially then you are likely not coming across as awkward as you think. If you were coming across as terribly awkward, they'd either ask you about it or avoid you.

When you are in a public place or social event it is not unwarranted for people to speak to you.
But if you are not up for a chat one thing you might do is pretend to be preoccupied with your cell phone.

Thank you all for the wonderful replies---there are a lot of neat ideas here that I will try. I appreciate the time you took to help me.