Ahh they have it so easy.

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I saw my friends FB pics. with her/her boyfriend and think it sure does suck I've never had a boyfriend/kissed a guy/dated and I'm going on 25!! ! NT's make friends easily and have relationships easily. Sometimes I think what are the joys of Aspieness? The main ONE THING! IMO is my special interest of college. As an NT she might have a paper due next week and class ends next week IMO this is PREPOSTEROUS!! ! Sure my parents HATE my obsessive college behavior but I hope I can try to have this behavior still and maybe in the future move out etc. (as other WP members advice have been). Does anyone else feel bad in some way when viewing others FB posts or what have you? (I've made topics like this before so sorry)

I used to feel bad about how perfect other people's lives are but now I just think it *looks* perfect and I can't know what they're really dealing with underneath that look of perfection.

For example, no one in my life knows that two of my friends from back home killed themselves this year - one in June and the other just a few weeks ago. I've been having a hard time dealing with that (on top of all the stuff I always have to deal with all the time) but anyone who just looked at me might think I had nothing difficult in my life.

For that matter, the few times I've told someone who is not on the spectrum that I have asperger's, they've said, "you don't look like anything's wrong with you" so even the HUGE struggles I go through with my autism don't show to other people and they probably think my life is just fine and how it's not fair because their life is so hard.

Good point a few weeks ago this friend was at a local theme park and wrote on FB WORST DAY EVER!! !! We assumed 90 degree FL heat but when I asked 2-3 times she said it was personal if I had to guess her/her boyfriend aren't so "perfect" "perfect" either that (HE upset her) Or someone in his family did (She had gone with her BF and some of his family to the theme park)

It's not that they have easier lives, it's just that socializing comes naturally to them and some autistics want relationships but NTs in turn almost never want the things that comes with autism -- thus it feeling like a large deficiency.

It would seem that with ease of social relationships they can also garner support, understanding, and belonging to/from other people so the whole "they might have other problems" thing doesn't really ring as true.

It's useless to compare your life to other people because you'll end up feeling bad or egotistically superior. People hide things so there isn't anyway to know if your life is harder or not. But I think, generally, the aspies and auties have a more difficult time but perhaps it's only because they aren't the majority.

Never compare yourself to other people, because you could end up feeling bad about yourself.

You act like it's more disabling than it really is.

They're lives are not as perfect as you think they are. I have learned that by lying about how things are, they give a false impression of how things really are. Everyone has problems. Just because you have good social skills does not mean financial troubles and other things don't cause stress. I like having AS, because I do not have to deal with the social complications of a relationship. My life is very simple (albeit somewhat miserable) and I can focus on my special interests with 100% of my energy, with no distractions.

The main - maybe the only - way they have it easy - and let me say, from my family and students and colleagues galore it is NOT all that easy to live NT - is that the clothes in the store fit.

Figure - I'm 6'3" with American shape feet, I need to buy shoes in London in 1966 and NOTHING feels good. Or I need to buy jeans in the States in 1980 and everything has a waist that sits 3 inches above my crotch and the legs feel like I am being eaten by a boa constrictor. Or Dede in Austin is too short for adult sizes and KL is too big even for Big and Tall oversizes.

The stuff in the stores is made for the average figure [and often below average taste, but that is editorializing]. This culture is made for the average mind with average intelligence. We need a non-average life.

As for nearly 25 and relationships - well, I was 24 before Kiss # 1 - and then she started it, feeling I was a project needed to be helped out of excessive shyness.

Hang in - tailor made lives are better fits and more stylish anyway.

I feel that I have it quite easy, compared to the NTs in my life. I'm not so hung up on keeping up with the Joneses, or keeping up with the times.

I appreciate that NT life is not perfect - my own experiences are occasionally close enough to normal that I can extrapolate what things are like for "normal" people - but I do recognize that there's a lot of great joy we're denied. I only know from dreams what it's like to kiss a lover, but even that shadow of an experience is intense enough for me to know the life of an Aspie is crippled. Love is real, and when shared it's an entirely different plane of reality - you're a vastly stronger person, and the world feels like your best friend rather than a bunch of traps and pitfalls. It does sometimes hurt to see other people's happiness when you're alone, but I find if you accept the pain rather than avoiding it, you can choose to share in that happiness to a small extent.

Yes, NTs do have it easy, but it's a double-edged sword. They flow together like water, and flow apart just as easily and with minimal thought or conscious will. They have their passion, and then they have the wrenching pain of loss, and none of it is really under their control or fully in their awareness. Think of all the NTs who commit suicide or murder because of bad breakups - the emotions are just too much for them, and smash them to pieces inside. Or they may get callous and unfeeling, throwing away the precious connections that so many of us wish we could have.

Suffice it to say NTs function by blind trial-and-error, with the worst "errors" ending up in prison, dead by their own hand, or emotionally wrecked beyond repair. We Aspies are too conscious of ourselves for that, and have to crawl where they carelessly fly. So I'd rather be a lonely Aspie than a shattered NT guy with a life littered with the wreckage of failed relationships, but I do know the potential is out there for something much better than either, and that makes my heart ache.

My parents are always saing that I have it so easy compared to my neice who lived with us for a while and I expreinced extreme jelously. My neice's mother was a deatbeat druggie and changed residency like most people change their socks. But at least my neice had an easy time when it came to making friends and teachers were more willing to help her because she was so social. She wasn't bullied as much as I was because she was so "normal" and on the rare oscassion she was bullied, she was never accused of it being her own fault. BS! She's the one who had it easy.