Meltdowns.
Most of us deal with them. (If you don't, please don't troll by calling them temper tantrums.)
Most of us are taught to delay them, to avoid them, to be ashamed of them.
I, at least, have gotten pretty good at delaying them. Yesterday I rode out stress that would have caused one without having one, by dint of putting up a sort of wall that kept anything from moving outward.
Um. By that I mean... I guess I perceive two kinds of motion.
Out of me-- is good. Writing, laughing, doing stream-of-consciousness, talking, the behavior involved in meltdowns, hitting something, running around, praying, writing this post...
Into me-- is bad. Painfully loud noises, people touching, people talking, insults, indignities, violations, people looking at me.
But when I look at it that way, that tells me something about what the nature of a meltdown is, at least for me.
Especially, I'm thinking about how painful it was to hold it in yesterday. (It also left me unable to do anything else.) And how afterward, I always feel good.
And how when I deescalate, I usually remain really stressed until I eventually have a meltdown, maybe after several days of building up and stepping back and holding it in.
How do I deal with this? Because seriously, this isn't working. Not having them is impossible. There has to be something constructive to do, right?
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I'm using a non-verbal right now. I wish you could see it. --dyingofpoetry
NOT A DOCTOR
30 Sep 2010, 12:41 am
