Male but Identify more with Female Aspie Traits

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I've included some background about me and my experience in the quote, especially since this is my first post on the site. I'm not Aspie Confirmed but it seems very likely. Anyway, skip past that if you don't care about me and wanna get on with the topic I realllly want to discuss in this thread

So I've begun to seriously investigate whether I'm ~on the spectrum~ for about the past week. In fact, I've been doing little else with my time-- the sort of single-minded passion/obsession I bring to most things that deeply interest me, often foregoing eating, sleeping, and social interactions... which of course, is a pretty solid autistic trait.

I'm 25 now, and this is something I had wondered about off-and-on in the past, but ultimately dismissed since I didn't feel I fit the archetypes of an aspie ((read: stereotypes)). Outwardly my 'quirks' have always seemed to people like product of a very "right-brained" thinker, and that, in turn, was the sense that I internalized. But on examination, it doesn't add up...

I've always been understood as very empathetic, perhaps to a fault ((overanalyzing others)), yet rarely pick up on subtle social cues in the moment and miss huge, important signals. I have a 'developed' sense of humor.... though my timing is usually only good in writing, and I'm often the last to laugh at a joke . My knack for irony, satire, and symbolism had to be developed over years and years of trying to "get it". I smile but only genuinely when something in my head amuses me...90% of "social smiles" are fake and practiced.
My voice is not usually 'robotic' or too loud when speaking, but I often talk in practiced, cartoonish voices ((fake accents, etc.)), speak too quietly for others to hear, in fragmented sentences, or imitate whoever I'm talking to....I tailor my communication style to my audience as best I can, or just make it over-the-top if I can't without feeling like the facade will be seen-through. Otherwise I am mute, which is very, very often.... sometimes "the quietest person I've met" to others.

I can converse casually-but-draining-ly about a broad range of topics, since I'm ever-hungry for general knowledge, but have a short list of obsessive STUMP SPEECH topics I navigate to over-and-over without realizing it, to the annoyance of friends ((many of them don't really share these interests unless it's the sole basis of our friendship)). I'll ramble on repetitively about these things in text-messages and IMs and drunken conversations without really knowing if anyone cares but me. Often, people do seem to appreciate my insights though... at least until they get old.

I seek eye contact, but only for a split second before it gets too intense to handle....like staring at the sun ((an activity I did on purpose as a kid... still have good eyesight, though!)). I stare too much at people I'm attracted to. I cant make eye contact and listen to instructions at the same time.

My talents have always been in the arts and not much in 'technical' areas, but I'm incredibly methodical with my craft and refuse direction from others-- often inventing my own, personalized systems for doing things that might seem random on the outside. I prefer expressionistic, avant garde, and experimental arts, but appreciate simplicity and order too. I will work on a short segment of a song for upwards of 4 hours at a time (sometimes 12.....or 24).

I spend most of my free time in isolation, staring off into space, 'stimming' like crazy ((though never realizing thats what it was until now)), pacing or doing somnambulistic rituals. I am either thinking about, researching, or working on something that obsesses me. I am terrible at keeping track of time, take longer than most NT people to do anything, and am hella scatter-brained and forgetful with everyday tasks and 'executive functioning'. I run into walls and trip over rugs etc. on-the-regular. It's been really tough to hold down a job, and I have dropped out of college twice due to depression and inability to manage my life. I have terrible anxiety in many situations (even if they're routine and familiar, social or otherwise). I fall into rigid routines, but hate this tendency, so try to force myself out of them once I notice I'm doing it....and then a different routine fills the void. I can't initiate friendships and never trust that someone genuinely likes me until they show it concretely, and due to deep-wrought emotional scars from the past I shy away from romantic or sexual relationships, feeling mostly 'asexual'-- yet people tend to find my highly-analytical relationship advice illuminating... ironically. I feel a deep, deep sense of connection with animals. I'm highly sensitive to sound, sight, and touch. I have synesthesia.


So.... based on my research, reflection, and various diagnostic tests, it seems very likely that I'm on the spectrum. I could go on and on, but I think I've made my case.

In a weird coalescence of events that almost makes me believe in Magick, I was visited by my cousin ((dad's side)) this week who I haven't seen in maybe 10 years. She knows all the family beef.... far more than I ever care to know. After enough drinks she brought up that both me and her brother are likely On The Spectrum.... when I first learned of stereotypical male Aspergers, her brother came immediately to mind. My dad, grandpa, and brother seem to have some traits, and maybe even my mom-- but less likely (she is definitely 'gullible', hypersensitive, and spacey, but doesn't seem to have the functional impairments or hyperfocus). It's very likely in the family, I suppose.

Why don't you take the online RAADS-R? This might be especially helpful for you because the scoring gives you average scores for NT women and men and autistic women and men. So you could see if you more closely matched an autistic woman in some areas, which is, I think, what you're suspecting. I would expect to see a "more female" looking score in the area of "social relatedness" but not necessarily in some of the other areas. For example, it sounds like you have pretty narrow interests.

I can give a longer interpretation of what each of the areas mean (in my own opinion) if you like. I won't rattle on about it here unless you ask. I can also put up my own scores for comparison. You might say that I'm "highly neurotypical" or at an extreme end away from autism, so my scores can help to look at after taking it yourself.

And just casually, what you're describing does sound autistic to me. But you seem to have a negative slant to some of these things, like narrowed interests, that I would actually say are positive. If you have only a few interests, you can draw more positive power and focus from them than a person with broad interests. You can also become an expert on those few things, whereas a person with broad interests will only have a light understanding of many things. Narrow interests are a powerful way to cope and a well to draw from for a career.

What you're saying about conversations and asexuality sounds pretty normal to me. The awkwardness in conversations seems to lessen as aspies get older, and more skilled in scripts and ways around things like body language and eye contact. Asexuality is a normal orientation. I suspect it doesn't occur any more than in NTs, but aspies are less willing to hide this orientation and accept a lifestyle they aren't comfortable with.

Sorry for the long reply. I found your post pretty interesting.

I'd say I have a broad range of overall interests....infinitely curious about the world, and the subjects of my interest will be in a wide range of disciplines rather than one single area, though I may focus in on a single area at a time, and get bored with many subjects quickly. However, there tends to be a short list of HYPER-INTERESTS which I retain for a year or 3...or 10, and sometimes indefinitely ((obsession with bats, for instance)), but they eventually fade and are replaced with something else.

Often I like to take it onto myself to learn as much as possible about subjects that friends are into in hopes of better understanding them, but these rarely gain the emotional resonance and personal importance of my own passions, and if the friendship dissolves or breaks off I'll usually never go back to those subjects. I'm sure I've weirded out friends before by suddenly having vast knowledge and interest in a thing they like...hah. Definitely freaked out romantic interests with that before e_e"

I've taken the RAADS-R twice now and I got 137 total on the second time:

aspietests.org/raads/questions.php?show=7b65211884144&locale=en_GB

My language score matched the average for Female with ASD at 13.0, and my Social Relatedness was lower than avg. ASD males/females at 59, but that's still well above the threshold for suspected ASD. I do feel like this test could be improved for accuracy with options along the lines of "sometimes true" or "often true", since I don't think such black-n-white answers made sense on every point. Anyway, my score doesn't seem to match a male or female pattern....which makes sense, as I don't feel like I'm either gender

Also, here's my results for the "Aspie Quiz" on rdos.net, after taking it 3 times and getting more conservative with my answers:


Anyway, thanks for taking the time and interest with this! ^_^

Here are my RAADS-R scores for comparison: http://www.aspietests.org/raads/questio ... cale=en_GB

I haven't taken the aspie test recently and don't have the scores saved so I can't offer that one up for comparison.

So let's take a look at your RAADS-R...

Your total score puts you clearly on the spectrum. Yours was 137. Mine was 20.

As you pointed out, your language score was in line with an aspie female, 13. Mine was 2. So you may "sound autistic." The reason why males sound "less autistic" than females is because females have higher social expectations than males. It's more acceptable for a male to move his face around less and to be more reserved. Women are required to do more, and as a result can be more stressed out by language and communication. So you may also be a little extra stressed out by social expectations when you communicate. The reason my score is so low is because I am completely comfortable in any social situation, but also very aware of all the things going on.

Social relatedness- again, I had a 2. You had a 59, which is "more neurotypical" than we would expect. This could be that you feel very connected to other people, or you feel a lot of empathy/sympathy, or you're interested in other people. This could make you not appear autistic. It makes sense with what you put in your post, about being able to solve people's problems for them and whatnot. You will have to be prepared to explain to people that not all autistic people, or even most, dislike people or feel disconnected from them. You might be the perfect person to explain such a thing, since this seems to be a talent area.

Sensory/motor- You had a pretty typical score of 39. I had a 4. I would expect that things like loudness, smells, textures, etc would bother you a lot more if you were stressed out. You could probably suppress your discomfort if you are otherwise doing alright. The difference between your score and my very low one is that I don't even notice if I'm in a great deal of discomfort or pain. I would find it difficult to describe the texture of a food. These are not things that pick up on my radar.

Circumscribed (narrow) interests- Again, you had a fairly normal score of 26. I had my most "autistic" score of 12 here, which was still below average for neurotypicals. So for you, this means what I said previously. You can use this power to become an expert on a few things, and to charge up your batteries when you need a break. I have broader interests, so instead of, say, 5 things to be interested in, I might have 10 things I'm interested in. A normal neurotypical person might have 15 or 20. The more things you're interested in, the less interest you have in each thing. So if you have fewer interests, you are experiencing a greater sense of joy and satisfaction when you pay attention to those interests. I have absolutely nothing to back this last up except my personal observations, so if this one doesn't make sense to you, don't worry about it. I could easily be wrong. But I still feel that narrowed interests are more of a benefit than a problem.

I hope some of this was helpful!

@Dillogic: Yeah one of the things I was trying to get at with this stuff is that the differentiation between male/female ASD traits can be damaging and distract from the underlying singularities that actually define the experience and symptoms of being in the spectrum.

@SocOfAutism: thanks so much for all your help and insight! It's been a really emotional week of me coming to terms with this and I announced it semi-publicly to the overwhelming support of friends, and also made it known at the preschool where I work since I'd been having lots of issues being sensorially overwhelmed as well as trouble completing tasks/following directions due to struggles with executive functioning and interpreting verbal instructions, especially when inside with the kids running and screaming everywhere ((my job is to be the garden caretaker/educator, and when I'm out there in nature I feel fine, but in the classroom it's way too intense. Not much to do in the garden right now since its winter though)). Actually, funny enough, turns out the guy who I replaced in my position was also a high functioning autistic.... I guess a live-in work-trade gardening job might just be a magnet to those who have trouble functioning in normal society, hah.

Anyway, many friends could see it, and some came forward that they'd been diagnosed themselves...... aspies flock together, apparently ;P

Also, lots and lots of memories from childhood suddenly making sense, as well as general tendencies and dispositions of mine then and now. Plus I got my mom to fess-up that she basically knew, that she has all the sensory sensitivity things herself, and she could see some autistic traits in my dad. So, likely got a little bit of it from both sides of the family....

It's like the puzzle of my life actually has a center-piece now.....everything makes more sense. I'm gonna set up a meeting with a counselor at my school soon to see if I can get a formal diagnosis and work on ways to manage my negative symptoms. So thanks! ^_^

http://i.imgur.com/AbUdNvr.png
My Raads scores. I've known for a while that my traits are more in line with that of female aspies. Personally I don't think there is such a thing as exclusive male and female traits though. Just as there is no such thing as an exclusive male or female brain. Just see myself and others as human beings.