Obsessions that rule my life. Anyone else? Advice please! :(

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The whole reason that I eventually came around to realising that I am AS started off many MANY years ago when I thought I had a form of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

The obsessions existed in me during my teenage years and manifested itself more and more as time progressed. I never let my parents know how my mind worked, my mother being an impatient and insensitive woman (I decided to tell her about my 'OCD' a few years back and she insisted that I was attention seeking and needed to grow up: "It's just like biting your nails - if you don't want to do it you just don't do it" <-- actually said those words). We no longer speak to each other.

Around 4 or 5 years ago I went to the doctor to get referred and get some meds for my 'OCD' and it is this road that led me to know that I have AS some 12-18 months ago; I'd never relate to the extreme irrationality typical of NTs and their obsessions and never really had any real compulsions.

Anyway, I have obsessions with order, perfection, tidiness although TBH I enjoy this as it makes life easier. My problems pertain to my biggest obsessions are those to do with physical perfection: things that I treasure such as video games (my biggest interest), books and CDs have to be in mint condition. I have come far with these - I used to hold things up to the light to actually LOOK for any possible imperfections and know I tolerate rounded corners or half a millimeter of imperfection on book covers, etc.

It's my belief that as a child, not really getting on with anyone and living in a pathetically small village with nothing to do, I played video games: the few ones I had over and over again and when I got a new one I'd play it to death. When I got a part time job I saved and saved and whenever a game I liked came a long I could buy it like that, and every game that I got and kept I loved and treasured - it was another one of my little worlds that I could disappear into. I would admire the perfection of it all - not just the content of the cartridge, but the box which holds my little world and the booklet with all the information on these worlds, both with their lovingly created illustrations. It's my belief that from here my apprecciation turned to obsession. I would admire the perfect form of those rectanglar boxes which were perfect and from then until now they all need to be perfect, sitting on my gaming cabinet, an altar to other worldly perfection, all neat corners and perfectly flat surfaces of the cabinet, boxes and booklets inside. Now every time I get a game I inspect it before unsealing it as best I can. As much as look foward to it, I dread it when the post arrives (no I can't buy them in shops - expensive and usually unsealed) as I know what lies ahead - the risk of imperfection. The ironinc thing is that this allstems from admiration for theperfection of my boxes but once they're on the shelf I try NOT to look at them, in case they have become imperfect!!

Firstly, is anyone else here like this?

Secondly - today a new, sealed video game came through the post and was packaged excellently par my instructions, but stil there are two 'creases dents' at the botom of the box on the front and I'm debating in my mind whether to just unseal it and try and accept it (which would be great IF that works) or to somehow swap for another sealed copy; usually go to a shop, buy a sealed copy and then take home, swap over and return the still sealed one that came through the post. This ay prove to be difficult but not impossible although this does make me a slave to my obsessions; but I don't know if I CAN ever be different, I just don't know. What if I f*ck it all up by attempting to accept imperfectons which I am incapable of doing?

OMG, yes! I used to be extremely obsessive on orderliness as a child. I could not sleep at night if my room wasn't perfect! That little piece of white sticking out of the drawer would drive me nuts! Or that 1 inch of blackness between the closet door and the door frame would make me sooo anxious! My collections of dead animal bones had to be in perfect alignment on the shelves and everything had to be clean. I would spend hours doing my hair because one or two hairs would not do what I wanted them to! This would often cause me to be late for school. My school papers were perfectly organized as was my locker and desk. Even today, if I start cleaning or organizing, I can't stop; even if I have to leave and be somewhere on time, I just can't stop until the job is finished!
I have come a long way, though, through self-talk. "It doesn't matter if it's not perfect. Go on and think of something else...Wow! the sky is so blue outside.....2x0=0, 2x1=2, 2x2=4...The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."...etc...Whatever I could do to take my mind off of the obsessive matter.
As an adult, I realize that perfection is too difficult too achieve so I have learned to let go of many compulsions but I have to confess, this causes sooo much internal stress! So I guess behavior modification is possible, but the anxious longing to obsess or incessantly "fix" things by ordering them is a constant.
The only positive for me is that I can relate to my AS son. He is twelve and currently obsessed with soda cans. He can't stand leaving them behind. He looks for them on the side of the road as we are driving. You can see the turmoil on his face as we pass one in the ditch and he cannot get it!! I talk to him about it and say things like, "I know it's making you anxious seeing that can we just passed. You know that there are millions of discarded pop cans in this world that you will never collect. You have to be thankful for the ones you do find and know that you're going to be okay, even if you aren't able to have every single one." This makes him feel a bit better, but still can't take away the panic! Oh, I can so relate!

Did your OCD med seem to help?

I don't have any of these problems, but I'd like to see how things are with them. I hope this discussion can show me many things.

I'm the opposite actually, I'm a total slob!

You are lucky, Orange thing!!

Well I've decided to do a 'shop & swap': Buy a game online, hope it makes it through the post in 1 piece then swap the games over and return the one I'm unhappy with (still sealed) ala my stautory rights.

This can take several attempts as cardboard boxes are fragile. It's taken up to 5 times before. The first one came through last week, that was no good - the print was all off centre anyway. I'm waiting for another one now - this cmpany always sends their games out in boxes but I've had to wait for it to come into stock. God I hate being me.

Fingers crossed.

I know what you mean about needing perfection. I never used to have that, but now that I collect manga books, they always have to be perfect without creases, and I always have to be the first to read each book after I've bought it. (Dad once read my one of my manga books before me and kept it in his room all night; it took me a whole day to even bring myself to pick it up without going mad at the whole situation.) I also don't like others using my stuff, for example no one but me is allowed to use my Blue Man Group mug, and in the few times my Dad and sister played with my Aibo, I was not at all pleased to say the least.

It drives me crazy when people fidget with my Buses and they don't put them back, in the right order, or pointing in the right direction.

I'm the opposite actually, I'm a total slob! [/quote]

I know! My husband and are are pretty sloppy, too. But we have certain things that have be perfect. He always has to folds the bath towels a certain way on the towel rack, which cracks me up because he can leave a pile of dirty clothes on the floor for weeks. Right now, mine is my knitting. I have to be really careful not to make a single stitch wrong, because it's too time consuming to take a mistake apart, but I HAVE to look at it constantly if it is there. Then I end up giving it away or it will drive me up the wall.

my mum read this thread with me and she said that she wished i was even a little bit more like mr Groovemeister!!.
there is only one thing that i fuss over completely that it is clean and scratch free and that is my drum kit
my mum says my bedroom i s a 'pig sty'. ive debated with her for a long time why she would think this. there might be a little mess but thers no mud on the carpet!
or she says its a tip. again theres no discarded matresses or rats in my room!

i know wherre all my stuff is and i hate it when askd to 'tidy' it becuase i just got it the way i lke it.
i get called a 'slob' quite often for it.. but im not lol

One hears/reads about OCD more than OCPD, so the former is more familiar than the latter. My issues are being rigid/inflexible about many things, and sound more like OCPD than OCD. "Little" inconsistencies drive me up the wall. Rough edges, un-smooth surfaces make me cringe & I can't stop noticing them. I have intense reactions of disgust too often, which make so many "simple" actions too much of a hassle. I don't do things that seem unrelated, like "touch this so that won't happen"-instead I am overly exacting in my standards, because minor (to others) imperfections are vast to me. I'm awfully sensitive to taste & smell, so just a tiny fleck of "wrong" ingredient ruins the entire meal for me-my thresholds for "this is not okay-reject/avoid" are too low.