Keen to know whats "wrong" with me

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Ok, i recently stumbled across this website while i was googling Aspergers Syndrome as i am really interested in finding out what it is as a guy at my old school had it. However, i took the Aspie Test on some link that i found on here and got a result of 139 out 200 (tho i left out several questions as i didn't understand what they were asking me) which said i was likely to have AS. I just thought i'd vent out a few thoughts currently going through my head as i am wondering whether i should go for a proper diagnosis:

So, i'm an 18 year old student at the best teacher training university in the country, which is near Liverpool, England. I am doing a Secondary Education Course (be able to teach 11 - 18 year olds) specialising in ICT. I have always been really aware of ASD as there were several boys at the various schools i have been too that had Austism, AS and also OCD.

I have noticed a pattern in my behaviour between these boys and mine, and it's only since doing the test that i noticed. I have a habit of following the same routine everyday; get up, shower, dress, eat, go to lecture, finish lecture several hours later, then return to my on campus bedroom, were i work, eat, shower again (i love to shower!), change into my pyjamas and then sleep. I do the same routine day in day out and on the days i don't have lectures i will go out wander round campus aimlessly, maybe pop on the bus and get some shopping from town, but ultimately return to my room having achieved little. Though i worry constantly that i'm in the wrong place and if anyone steps within a metre of me without permission i get really seriously wound up. I hate hugs on some days, and other days i just want to be hugged. But only my mum or my little brother can hug me, no-one else.

I've been like this for as long as i can remember really, but can also see why my school didn't pick it up. I was badly bullied and due to that i self harmed as i couldn't release my feelings in any other way (this has now stopped), and feel the school put the frustration down to the bullying. I never had any behaviour problems in lessons, and felt guilty if i even so much as saw an answer on a mock test before i was supposed too. But i do have some weird obsessions. I love the colour pink, if it can be pink, basically it will be. I have an entirely pink wall in my uni room which makes me feel calm whenever i see it, everything else than can be pink in there is e.g. my bed clothes, my rug, clock etc, and if it wasnt for the fact i'm worried about the change, my hair would be pink too. I can also become fixated or obsessed with people. Not because i "love them" but i'm fascinated by them and their life which seems so different to mine and want to work out what they're thinking and feeling to make it easier for me to work out what they meant in conversation, but i worry that this is not "normal" so i try not to attach myself to anyone in case this happens, as a result i have made very few friends in my first few weeks of uni. I find i am a bank of knowledge about cats, i don't even remember reading or research the information myself, but i know it and it appears to be true. I have to cats myself back at my parents home and i love all cats dearly, but find this very strange.

I've always felt "different" to other people and the kids at school clearly knew something was wrong, which is why the bullied me. But i just can't identify it. Can anyone help?

p.s. sorry it's so long, as previously said it's a vent.
p.p.s I'm very sensitive too comments so please be gentle

Hi there, Bellacute, welcome to WP!

That may have skewed the results a bit. Was it the RDOS test? Here's another one I used:

http://www.piepalace.ca/blog/asperger-test-aq-test/

Some of what you described sounds very much like AS--browse through some of the other forums/postings and you'll probably see some similarities. I myself would be willing to say that you do have it, but obviously I can't make a diagnosis.

Getting an official one has its pros and cons. Pros: you know for sure (peace of mind) and you qualify for assistance if you need it BUT from what you described, you seem to have your life fairly well-organized and you are on the path to a good career, so I don't think needing assistance is an issue.

Cons: the "label." Sadly, many people don't understand AS and may come to view you in a negative light. It's unfair, but it's sometimes true.

I self-diagnosed last year and decided to go no further. IMO, only get a diagnosis if you really feel the need to know for sure. There are others on here who would disagree with me, but that's just the way I see it.

I hope you'll keep coming back here if it helps you. Again, welcome to WP!

Cats Rule!

I would study developement disorders. I think we are often out best therapists, and would not advise on most medical services unless they come recommended by those who share your experiences. Dont get hung up on anything

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

I think it is perfectly normal for most people to have a routine. Just about everyone who has a job, has school, college etc will go through a similar pattern each day. It may be more revealing to ask yourself:

1. Do I feel some irritation/anxiety of I don't follow this routine?
2. Can I be spontaneous?
3. Do I get upset by the unexpected, such as a surprise visitor?

The other things you mentioned could be related to AS but could just be character quirks or maybe some other disorder. Being a victim of bullying unfortunately is all to common, not just for those with AS.

Do you feel that your issues cause you any ongoing problems with life? If you feel that you function fine, but with those quirks I wouldn't worry too much.

Things to think about:

1. Do you have problems socialising or understanding people?
2. Do your issues hinder or affect your work or studies?
3. Do you have any problems with anger management, depression or expressing your thoughts or feelings?

First set answers:
1. Irritation that i can't do things my way. Anxious that it'll make me late, and also that i won't feel right for the day. If i don't do my routine i get irritate throughout the day.
2. Not easily, i plan things at least a day in adavnce as i feel really really anxious that i'm doing the wrong place/doing the wrong thing, even though i know there's no rules on when i can do a certain thing. E.g. I have to organise going shopping the day before or i worry that the uni won't let me go (which they will as long as i don't miss any lessons). I also find myself turning up 30 mins early for a lesson as i feel nervous if i turn up on time or even a minute early.

Second set answers:
1. Hate socialising, as i can't keep a conversation going. And unless someone is totally straight when they're talking i often fail to understand what they mean or their intentions. As said before though, i can talk to hours about cats, and i also love software on computers and can talk for hours about that. (For those not in England, ICT stands for Information and Communication Technologies, aka Computers and the way software works)
2. Could become a problem as holding a conversation irritates me, and i will need to hold conversations for long periods as a teacher as i will need to talk to parents, other teachers and the pupils i am teaching.
3. I've had anger management problems in the past but my school behaviour officer managed to teach me some methods of calming my anger. I have extremely low self esteem and i am often depressed without realising i am. I am really only happiest when i'm with my laptop or i'm sat on a bench by the lake at uni with the only 2 friends i have here (they don't expect conversation, they allow me to just listen in silence). I have also self harmed in the past and have had several relapses of this when i got extremely frustrated and couldn't express my feelings, which i find extremely hard to do anyway.

Thanks to everyone for the replies. The above test came back as 39 which said i had extreme AS. Still not sure what to do.

Maybe you should go see your GP if as your reply indicates, that these issues cause you stress and interfere with everyday functioning. Perhaps you should read a little around the subject, such as Tony Attwoods excellent "The Complete Guide to Aspergers syndrome". Before you see a medical professional I'd recommend writing down all your issues and problems, as if you are anything like me you forget to mention all that is on your mind.

I agree with ^. Hopefully, your GP will give you a referral to a specialist who knows about AS. Writing everything down beforehand is definitely a good idea.

Good luck, keep us posted.