I need to reboot

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I had an incident at work a few weeks ago that effectively eliminated most of my productivity. My boss is a very intense person. A customer had complained and by the time it got to him the entire thing was blown way out of proportion. He came down on me like a raging demigod.

First, it turned out that I had done everything correctly and the customer was mis-characterizing the situation. So I got blasted for something I didn't do. Once my boss realized this, nothing was said by way of an apology. Maybe a direct apology is too much to ask for, but even an oblique reference to the event would have been nice. Is this expectation outside the norm of social conventions?

Second, a number of things said made me realize that his view of me is not positive. He first assumed that I had made mistakes rather than finding out the facts. It seems that i assessing me, he first thinks I am likely the one making the error. It seems to be a basic assumption of his.

The consequence has been that this has pushed me into a prolonged shut down. It's typical for me that once I reach a certain stress threshold my brain starts functioning as if everything is going in slow motion. Any difficulties I have in planning and focus are exacerbated. Such shutdowns are usually well hidden because I fake my way through things pretty well and also tend too last hours, or occasionally a few days. But this time it's gone on for several weeks and I'm running out of time to turn it back on.

So how do I reboot and get out of this prolonged disengagement?

You must realize that the situation between you and your boss is not symmetrical, and not have to be handle as such, if you want to solve the problem, you need to see it from a balanced perspective.

It is the rule for someone who is not confident in himself. He subconsciously thinks an apology would undermine his authority. Even if this is actually false, this is his view of the world.



Does this happened more than once after the original incident?

According to his perspective, witch is also common, the customer is the king. Hammering an employee in front of a customer even if the customer is wrong is a common practice where the employee has to be an accomplice. Remember, the customer brings in the money



Your boss looked like a fool twice, when the customer told him something that was a lie, then in front of you when he discovered it was a lie. Any attempt of requiring some excuses will look like a third attempt to look like a fool (poor guy)

Your behavior might have triggered this in his head, and you are factually, morally right, and he knows it. The best option for you is to try to understand his position, acknowledge his (irrational) actions without tempering on your self esteem.
If you do this, he feel look like a fool for the way he treated you and he will use an indirect method to say to you "I'm sorry, I'm a good guy"

Hmmm.

Interesting thoughts.

This is one of those situations that I really feel utterly clueless about the 'correct' response. I'll probably read your comments a few times and churn it over and over in my mind. Maybe something will pop out.

My boss is a straight shooter. He has tolerating my idiosyncrasies for 10 years. I probably frustrate the hell out of him because I am 'really smart' but never in completely in step with what goes on in the business.

I think it requires a paradigm shift, between you and your boss, you have to introduce a third character: the situation. Then you can explain some things that might seem irrational at the first glance.


lol how many times have you served him with his own foolishness during 10 years? Anyway if you worked with him for 10 years it means it is not such a bag guy after all, don't forget to tell him that also (indirectly) I was serially fired for years (I practiced my fastfool™ then) before I met a decent boss.

I think I know what you are going through because I have the same problem. I too have an intense boss and my criticism also stems from not being in "the business circle", but I keep my job because of my intelligence - like you.

I'm just coming off of a bad week that I thought had no relief in store. I too shut down from the stress of problems. I get narrow visioned, clumsy and worthless to people around me - like I retract from the world and rest inside my thoughts. This can go on for weeks, eating me alive, if I don't come up with a solution.

I'm 29 and have been slowly learning how to do battle with this. The best advise that I can give is don't go to bed thinking problems will mend on their own by the next day. Dedicate yourself to making small actions which will benefit in the face of the problem. Start making well-thought-out decisions towards pulling strings and talking to people. Identify the root cause of your problem and go to work.

Unfortunately, our life isn't like a PC that we can "reboot" upon arrival of a problem - if only. Things like escapism into media and using alcohol/substances will only give temporary relief, so what other way is there but to become clever and solve?