Need advice to edit this letter to doctor - very, very long

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I just pulled my medical records, they are horrendous and they are going to severely compromise my ability to get a US visa to be with my husband. I am going to see the doctor this Wednesday but I will not be able to remember all this stuff. So I write it down. I am concerned they will not be interested as of late they are accusing me of wasting their time as I am not sick. But this absolutely must be addressed. Letter now follows.

Dear Dr ******,

I wish this statement to be considered by the NHS re. my varied history with mental health. I am a social care worker working with vulnerable adults, but my own history looks exceedingly negative and repeatedly I believe, has compromised my own care. It also will severely compromise my ability to get a visa to be with my US husband UNLESS my recovery is taken into account. I apologise if I am wasting your time because of the need to see sick patients, but this is necessary for my continued welfare. I am writing all this down as I find it quite hard to communicate with people I don’t know well, especially doctors which you probably understand, I am very nervous around. I know I am capable of coping but I am not confident of my ability to convince others of this, especially those with access to my records. My manner around you may differ from how I am in public and at work. The stilted speech and flat effect is likely to be more pronounced.

This is in reference to my adult history which I have seen in my medical records from this surgery.

My mother is here today as an advocate, please note she is not here because of any inability on my part to be independent.

I have an extensive history in my youth, much of which was the result of my parents seeking answers which they never got. During this time I had specialists who had a very negative viewpoint of me, and those with a positive opinion. I’d like to point out that given how they felt I would be incarcerated in a psychiatric hospital in a psychotic state (see Dr John’s scathing letter) I have proven the former wrong. There are some that criticized my parents’ handling of
me. I will address this later.

After I left my parents’ home in 1996 I didn’t want nor need much interaction with mental health professionals (indeed there is a good lull for a couple of years before we started to see a lot of them.) The only reason for this extensive history is I wanted a diagnosis of Aspergers as an explanation for my childhood issues. My ex partner and myself wanted answers and we were repeatedly looking for them from 1998-2001. We saw many specialists such as neurologists and psychologists during this period. Ironically I was coping much better than I had in years previously, though I was suffering issues with a bad relationship with my then partner, also being tormented constantly on a council estate by teenage gangs who would smash my windows and taunt both myself and my partner (who I believe to this day has some sort of severe personality disorder as well as alcoholism) for being different.
When I explained these worries to neurological specialists and psychologists I see it has been written in my notes variously with such dismissive words as “****** says she feels persecuted by society, I am not sure of the reliability of this.” I feel there has been a tendency to view my repeated visits to mental health professionals during this period as evidence of prolonged, varied and constant issues with mental health.

Ironically I would not have bothered seeing all the mental health professionals at the time if I was not pushing for the aspergers diagnosis that my mother who works with children had recognised in me after having it described to her at work. I was not depressed, I was not angry. But the people I saw were reluctant to diagnose me so we went from one to the other, building up what seems to be a ridiculously complex adult history with each one adding their own opinion and us getting no closer to a diagnosis. To be honest I HATED it, but I was doing it voluntarily.

Ironically my dogged attempts to obtain an Aspergers diagnosis have worked against me.
If I had known there was ALREADY a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism on my records circa 1991 I would not have bothered.

I finally got my diagnosis of Aspergers in 2001, after changing my GP numerous times, a Dr. ******* of ********* clinic finally listened to my concerns and referred me to the autism specialist,******* ************ in Sheffield.
This resulted in a 2 year lull from health care. I was extremely relieved I had an answer. I felt somewhat cured and happy with life.

In 2003 I had another incident following a holiday in Japan. I was referred to a specialist in *********** over anxiety attacks and death phobia. But not to anxiety management or any help for independent people but to a learning disability clinic. I have an IQ of 133, and this was unsuitable treatment. My referral at the time states that I had a complicated and varied mental health history. I feel this to be an unfair judgment. On one occasion a doctor refused to visit me on the grounds I could be violent (I expound upon this in the next 2 paragraphs.) I feel my care was compromised by my past, even my OWN attempts to achieve diagnosis had worked against me. There’s no mention of Aspergers in the referral and again I feel like they believed I had many, many problems. In my opinion and the opinion of ***** ********* at the autism clinic in 2001, the diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome drew a line under the huge majority of it.
There is a couple of severe misunderstandings from my history of consultations at the Neurobehavioural Unit at ******** Hospital circa 1999 which have resulted in entries on my medical records relating to an arrest that never happened. While I was trying to get the referral to an autism specialist I was repeatedly asked by several specialists at the hospital in about an incident where neighbours (the self same who were breaking my windows – my mother will confirm this) reported seeing me carrying a knife to a phone box a mere 10 metres from my house and back, the police questioned me later but I could not remember having the knife seen in my pocket, certainly there was no malicious intent. I often absentmindedly carry objects I have been using around without thinking, I still do this at work ALL the time. My ex was not present at the time the police came to see me and his account of the “problem” plus my sarcastic responses to it constantly being brought up whereupon in my sarcasm I used archaic language I don’t use in normal conversation – “Maybe I was holding it to fend off those youngsters!” has been written down in letters to GPs from this Neurobehavioural Unit as an admission of guilt. Also it has been written that I was arrested for carrying a knife when in reality I was only questioned, and the police wanted confirmation from my GP that I was absentminded. They also wanted me to get a social worker re. my severe problems with individuals on the estate. I have a clean enhanced CRB check and clean subject access checks from local police which confirms without a doubt there were never any arrests.

There are issues around the time of my seeking the Aspergers diagnosis whereupon my ex says I had been violent to him and I did not dispute it. What he and I were omitting at the time was the ongoing mental and physical abuse he was inflicting on me, whereupon he would exploit my various autistic intolerances by placing his face about 2 inches from mine, screwing it up in a contorted expression that I had often and repeatedly begged him to cease from doing, and start repeating taunts or repetitive noises over and over again til I shoved him away whereupon he would use this as an excuse to physically attack me. I still have scars from these attacks, one on my leg where he bit a chunk out of it and it has healed with a circular white scar.

I never reported these issues to mental health professionals because my ex partner was always present, had been threatening to leave me and I desperately wanted him to stay with me. I believed in giving people a chance because nobody had given me one. I had also been terrified of my father who was physically and verbally violent to me in his belief that it was justified punishment for issues such as getting upset in public, arguing with him or just generally being frustrated which is common with autistic children. I never understood why I was treated like this and I wanted to move out, which I did aged 21 and latched onto my ex to co-habitate with him. My ex was scathing towards my father and I somehow convinced myself that this life was much better for me. My father also similarly used and still uses to this day, the same tactic of repetitive verbal taunts – I cannot stand repeated noises.

There are accounts on my history of my ex telling health care professionals that I suffered seizures. I would like to humbly admit that I faked these to get him to stop hitting me. This is the reason there have been zero reoccurrances, and why the reports were from him not myself. I did not fake any dizzy spells or fainting, but these have also not reoccurred in the past 10 years.

It is true that my ex was registered with the benefits system as my personal carer. It is also true I see in hindsight, that I did not need one. I had been told many times by mental health professionals and my ex that I was incapable of work and I would always be misunderstood by society so that I shouldn’t even bother. Despite this I developed many personal projects which blossomed into self employment in fields of journalism and online sales. It is only in recent years after leaving my ex that I have been confident enough to work in salaried positions with other people.

I think my records look especially bad because when I go to the doctor over any problems I've had, the good times don't get recorded, when the problem is mental health related they are exacerbated by my history which is dredged up. I feel like I can't have a normal reaction to extreme conditions, or a common episode that any person may have such as stress at work, mental anguish because of outside abuse etc., without it being related to my past. The 2003 incident, fear of death etc had no relation to my Aspergers or any previous issues because I had had my diagnosis and was happy up to that point. We had lots of holidays in Japan, were planning a new life there. Then this phobia hit, I think over me turning 28 and my ex kept saying "we are getting old now" – he was obsessive about it - and I had never done anything substantial with my life. It was in my opinion akin to an early mid life crisis, early in that my issues had caused me to not reach my potential and my ex taunted me for this (“you are a worthless uneducated northerner,” “you are a ret*d” etc.) I don't feel like this was treated like a depression, anxiety or possible abuse related incident, I had my past dredged up, with references to it being long and complex. The situation was exacerbated by my partner who had been enjoying my two year long stability and happiness after the 2001 diagnosis, and thought the Aspergers diagnosis would be the end of it. He treated me especially badly during this period.

I often had anxiety attacks during and following holidays in Japan. When I was later living in Japan we realized the anxiety and panic attacks were being triggered by drinking very high caffeine energy drinks that are only available in Japan (I abstain from these now.)

When I was seeing the specialists for anxiety in 2003 there is mention of me being thrown out of a convention I loved, and missing my friends. My ex had been banned too, and they said it was for his "alcohol intake and how he provoked me." It turned out that I was welcome at the convention the year after without my ex. I had a lot of friends there and had thought they betrayed us. There is mention elsewhere in my history of us being barred from shops. It was always because we were arguing. I feel I took the personal blame for much of this because I was terrified of my ex.

I can relate most my periods of calm and no mental health issues to my ex being away.

When I stopped going to the surgery having recovered from anxiety and death phobia my ex was in Japan for 6 months procuring a job, I was to follow him when he found one. I sought nor needed any treatment at the time. I just stopped going to the appointments and this has been highlighted as non-attendance. There’s repeated mentions of this up til 2007 which looks like I am still needing their care, in fact I moved to Japan in September 2004 and was there for 4 years. When I joined up with my ex I tried to get him to realise that I had been without problems during his time away, but when I suggested that he had mental health issues of his own, I was always belittled, blamed and told that I should express gratitude that he was here helping me as without him I’d be nothing. He would get extremely angry and rage that “I am not a ret*d like you.” He would also get angry at how I did not constantly thank him for being a guiding influence in my life. He psychologically needed to feel needed. Since I left him he almost immediately got together with, and later married another woman with Aspergers Syndrome as well as extensive physical disabilities.

I have other advocates amongst my friends who can confirm some of this if required.

I left my ex in 2006. Since then I got a job in a nursery in Japan. I started a relationship with a very good friend from the USA. I lost the country I love thanks to my divorce from my ex, which has been the greatest emotional wrench in my life, yet has resulted in no mental health issues. There was a brief spell when I moved back to the UK in August 2008 of misery over not finding a job (this was necessary for my new partner to move to the UK, which we were planning at the time. I started one in November 2008 however, and have been employed constantly since.

I want all this to please be taken into account. I want it to be acknowledged that I have risen above my marred past and stayed stable for three years, and previous to that DESPITE my ex’s abuse which continued in Japan, that I had no mental health problems while there besides low self esteem and feeling I would not be able to hold down a job. I never saw nor needed a doctor since 2004 for issues of anxiety or depression, because there haven’t been any prolonged incidents.

I want my mental health issues from the past to stop influencing how I am treated today. For example, on finding a lump in my eyelid in 2008. I was extremely anxious because I felt that if it was cancer I would be unable to procure a visa for my husband, nor to get one for the USA for possibly years. These visas require that you prove physical health. The GP suggested I needed care for cancer phobia, which is something that is not present when I am reassured over various lumps and moles being benign.

I have been living in my own rented property for 18 months, with a period of 6 months where my now-husband stayed with me. He is now in the USA. I have a job working with vulnerable adults which I have had since March 2009. I enclose a letter from my boss.

I want my achievements to be acknowledged instead of people dwelling on my bad history or why my achievements themselves are "odd" or "eccentric."

I want the NHS to acknowledge that most of my history has been exacerbated by others and their inability to either cope with an undiagnosed condition, or later my ex's own psychological problems and alcohol addiction that he would not acknowledge and instead all our issues were blamed on me.

I want the NHS to acknowledge that my life is free of the pre Aspergers diagnosis issues, and free of issues I had when my ex was living with me.

I want the NHS to acknowledge that I am not in receipt of any benefits for disability, incapacity or indeed ANY benefits because I earn enough to not qualify for any. I enclose my accountant’s report for year end April 2010 as proof of this.

I have never been violent towards anyone at work, my new partner, or in public. My reported violence in the past to my ex was not one sided.

I have a CLEAN enhanced CRB check.

I have NEVER been arrested, only questioned by police for issues that never had any violent intent. This must be taken into account and acknowledged as my medical history conflicts with my clean enhanced CRB check and 19 months of working with disabled adults who often display quite extreme challenging behavior.

I admit I have omitted such information before re. my history of abuse from others. I really would like to set my record straight, so to speak. I am still scared I won’t be believed so I am including a photo from 2006 of trauma to my eye which was inflicted by my ex husband.


Yours sincerely,

Mrs *********

Sorry but the letter is too long, I think you need to be much shorter.

You need to consider what the US authorities might be most interested in, I suspect that the "violence" is the issue which will interest them most.

What you need to do is to write a shorter letter dealing with that issue, but before you send it it might be a good idea for you to seek legal advice. You could ask the national autistic society or the citizen's advice burea. If I was you ask about the torts of "defamation".

If my memory serves me correctly reckless statements which harm the good name of another are covered by libel but you would be well advised to ask a legal expert if another type of action could cover your problem. I have read that the legal aid organisation does not cover libel actions.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Actually basically all these issues are going to compromise my US visa.

There are questions on the medical form that run as follows.

"Have you ever had seizures?"
"Have you ever been in trouble with the law because of a mental disorder?"
"Do you or did you suffer from a mental illness whereupon there was harm to yourself or others" (this one's dodgeable as long as you provide proof you are not likely to relapse.)

The trouble is the NHS consider it to be ongoing. I CAN'T see them for anything without it being influenced by my past. Hence "I recommend you be treated for cancer phobia" just because I was extremely concerned it would affect my visa. There's always some shoeghorning in of "oh it must be paranoia or phobia or hysterics" even basic appointmenmts turn into "She said this - she did not appear delusional." I have issues with the fact they turned my absense from 2004-2008 into "We sent her letters - no response - we are concerned for her mental health.

Basically I want them to acknowledge I am now stable in case the doctor at the medical wants a letter from my own GP. This is a catch 22 - GP's don;t want to see me if I'm healthy, because they say it wastes their time. But if I don't see them, then all they have to go on is my history being so god awful that it's going to wreck my chances. IAnd them listening to me would be a preventative measure anyway, because if I can be written down as stable I'll be reassured. If not I'm going to sink into depression (which would be non Aspergers related!) at the huge unlikelihood of ever being with my husband. I just want them to draw a line under much of this like I THOUGHT the Aspergers diagnosis would. But it didn't, in 2003 (two years after diagnosis) my medical file reads somewhat like this:

Current issues
_____________________

Aspergers/High Functioning autism
Biological affective disorder with schizoid traits
Aggressive conduct
IQ of 133 (this is actually down under issues, no clue why)

And a bunch of other stuff, some of it being marked as diagnosed in as early as 1992, they've NEVER struck it off down to "past problems."

"Biological Affective disorder with schizoid traits"= "Some kind of brain disorder we don;'t know what it is, but there's schizoid traits as she's a loner and doesn't have many friends, plus poor eye contact." In other words, it's what they labelled me pre Aspergers diagnosis, because they didn't KNOW what Aspergers was. WHY it was still on there in 2003, god knows. I want all this erased because Aspergers cancels it out. TBH I don't know if it's still down as "current", because the surgery I'm at now does not use a summary of "past" and "present." Old surgery had as a "past issue" - "Arrested and in custody for possession of a knife." I simply don't know what to do. I've rang around and been told this stuff CANNOT be editted.

Thing is I need it acknowledged that I was suffering abuse from childhood and throughout adulthood. I've been verbally, mentally and physically abused since I was 5. I have NEVER had this acknowledged so the absense of it compromises the whole medical record. Ironically I'm scared of saying "OK this whole record is incomplete and many issues aren't present." Actually there is just ONE doctor I told in 1995 that my father was beating me. He wrote up a letter that I was very intelligent, worked very hard, that my parents were obviously heavily critiocal of me and I needed to move out of the family home ASAP. Just 6 months later another doctor (my mother's ex psych that she got on really well with and recommended to me) has written a letter saying I am extremely rude to my parents and seem "floridly psychotic" and recommends I be sectioned (and the irony here is at this point my mother told him to please stop treating me.)

My mother is coming with me to the doctors on Wednesday to act as advocate and confirm I hope that my father treated me badly but tbh I don't know if I can trust her 100% as she's terrified of retribution. I have pleaded with her to please help me have a cat in hell's chance at this visa but it seems that all she may confirm is my ex's abuse. At least that's something. I just don't know.

Basically I'm looking for advice on trimming this letter down so it still contains the material facts. The "arrest" certainly needs clarification and probably that paragraph should be kept in full. I have my clean eCRB - cleared for working with children and vunerable adults to back me up. I'll have my letter from my boss, I actually rang them yesterday re. "alleged violence in NHS history, can you please help me out?" - they've agreed to it. I need to go in on Tuesday and get this letter. I have a photo of myself with a black eye. Hopefully they won't think it was somehow self inflicted.

How the heck does somebody with a violent past and arrests for carrying lethal weapons end up working in a charity for care of severe autistics? I'd love to know. The material facts simply don't match the allegations.

Sad fact is it's largely my fault for not leaving my ex, or telling anyone sooner. And for being completely obsessed with getting an aspergers diagnosis, allowing GPs who already thought I was mad to refer me to all manner of ASD unrelated psychotherapists til my mental health file is literally the thickness of a telephone directory. I've been an absolute fool.

OK it seems like something can be done about the three questions, I would advise you to think before you answer the questions.

Lets start with "Have you ever been in trouble with the law because of a mental disorder?"

Bear in mind that the police and the law are different things, as you have not got a conviction, had a formal warning from the police (if I recall correctly that is similar to a conviction in some ways), nor have you commited a crime and been found to be not guilty by reason of insanity you could be OK.

I would say no to that question, if they bring up the NHS record then tell them that the NHS record has an error in it and show them the document from the enhanced CRB check. I used to be cleared for work with children, I have had a CRB check done on me years ago. It has lapsed as I no longer need CRB clearance, when I was vetted by the CRB I was given a document stating that I had a clean record.

Next question

"Have you ever had seizures?"

If you have not had a grand mal or peti mal epileptic seizure then ask "Do you mean epilepsy ?" I am thinking that they may mean epilepsy. You may be able to dismiss this with a no.

The last question "Do you or did you suffer from a mental illness whereupon there was harm to yourself or others"

Maybe you should think long and hard about this question, you should contact the NAS for some advice I do not know what their advice will be.

If you want you could PM me a link to the medical form, if the form has any advice this could be interesting reading.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

I faked the seizures during arguments with my ex, to make him stop. Might seem extreme but it was the only way I could relay "you are hurting me so bad I'm in mental crisis."

Actually faked is the wrong word. I was in severe overload but I already knew that my childhood tactic of just dropping to the floor, hands over ears and eyes tight shut did not make people stop. I would have lost function anyway, but pretending I was suffering a blackout worked a lot better.

The seizures therefore did not happen yet they are on my record. Trouble is if I say I faked them and then answer that question with "no" the immigration official might write to my doctor asking: seizures yes/no? and get a response back "She said she used to fake them." Makes me look absolutely nuts. I simply can not win it seems. I KNOW I'm eligible for visa based on the stipulations of "No likely risk of harm to self or others in future despite a past condition" but convincing other people of this when you have a communication disorder and a phobia of doctors - well I just don't know how likely it is that I'll be able to.

What does NHS stand for?
What year did you start seeking AS diagnosis and What year was it official?
(I'm going through the letter - and it is long - in order to try and help you clean it up, but can't find that reference date so far...)
Are you currrently on medications, and what for?

NHS is the wonderful National Health service which is completely marvellous EXCEPT for people with mental conditions.

Here I pared it down already:

16/10/2010

Dear Dr *****************
I wish this statement to be considered by the NHS re. my varied history with mental health. I am a social care worker working with vulnerable adults, but my own history looks exceedingly negative and repeatedly I believe, has compromised my own care. It also will severely compromise my ability to get a visa to be with my US husband UNLESS my recovery is taken into account.

This is in reference to my adult history which I have seen in my medical records from this surgery.

I have an extensive history in my youth, much of which was the result of my parents seeking answers which they never got.

After I left my parents’ home in 1996 I didn’t want nor need much interaction with mental health professionals (indeed there is a good lull for a couple of years before we started to see a lot of them.) The only reason for the history being this extensive is I wanted a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome (my mother who works with children had of late recognized it in me) as an explanation for my childhood issues. We wanted answers and we were repeatedly looking for them from 1998-2001. We saw many specialists such as neurologists and psychologists during this period. Ironically I was coping much better than I had in years previously, though I was suffering issues with a bad relationship with my ex partner, also being tormented constantly on a council estate by teenage gangs who would smash my windows and taunt both myself and my partner (who I believe to this day has some sort of severe personality disorder as well as alcoholism) for being different.

I feel there has been a tendency to view my repeated visits to mental health professionals during this period as evidence of prolonged, varied and constant issues with mental health.
Ironically I would not have bothered seeing all the mental health professionals at the time if I was not pushing for the aspergers diagnosis. I was not depressed, I was not angry. But the people I saw were reluctant to diagnose me so we went from one to the other, building up what seems to be a ridiculously complex adult history with each one adding their own opinion and us getting no closer to a diagnosis. To be honest I HATED it, but I was doing it voluntarily.
My own dogged attempts to obtain an Aspergers diagnosis have worked against me. If I had known there was ALREADY a diagnosis of High Functioning Autism on my records circa 1991 I would not have bothered.

I finally got my diagnosis of Aspergers in 2001, from autism specialist, **** ****** in Sheffield. This resulted in a 2 year lull from health care. I was extremely relieved I had an answer. I felt somewhat cured and happy with life.

In 2003 I had another incident following a holiday in Japan. I was referred to a specialist in ***** over anxiety attacks and death phobia. But not to anxiety management or any help for independent people but to a learning disability clinic. I have an IQ of 133, and this was unsuitable treatment. My referral at the time reads that I had a complicated and varied mental health history. In my opinion and the opinion of ***** ******* at the autism clinic in 2001, the diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome drew a line under the huge majority of my past.

In fact I often had anxiety attacks during and following holidays in Japan. When I was living in Japan we realized the anxiety and panic attacks were being triggered by drinking very high caffeine energy drinks that are only available in Japan (I abstain from these now.)

There is a couple of severe misunderstandings from my history of consultations at the Neurobehavioural Unit at ******* Hospital circa 1999 which have resulted in entries on my medical records relating to an arrest that never happened. While I was trying to get the referral to an autism specialist I was repeatedly asked by several specialists at the hospital in about an incident where neighbours reported seeing me carrying a knife to a phone box a mere 10 metres from my house and back, the police questioned me later but I could not remember having the knife seen in my pocket, certainly there was no malicious intent. I often absentmindedly carry objects I have been using around without thinking, I still do this at work ALL the time. My ex was not present at the time the police came to see me and his account of the “problem” plus my sarcastic responses to it constantly being brought up whereupon in my sarcasm I used archaic language I don’t use in normal conversation – “Maybe I was holding it to fend off those youngsters!” has been written down in letters to GPs from this Neurobehavioural Unit as an admission of guilt. Also it has been repeatedly written that I was arrested when in reality I was only questioned, and the police wanted confirmation from my GP that I was absentminded. They also wanted me to get a social worker re. my severe problems with individuals on the estate. I have a clean enhanced CRB check and clean subject access checks from local police which confirms without a doubt there were never any arrests.

There are issues around the time of my seeking the Aspergers diagnosis whereupon my ex says I had been violent to him and I did not dispute it. What he and I were omitting at the time was the ongoing mental and physical abuse he was inflicting on me, whereupon he would exploit my various autistic intolerances by placing his face about 2 inches from mine, screwing it up in a contorted expression that I had often and repeatedly begged him to cease from doing, and start repeating taunts or repetitive noises over and over again until I shoved him away whereupon he would use this as an excuse to physically attack me. I still have scars from these attacks, one on my leg where he bit a chunk out of it and it has healed with a circular white scar.

I never reported these issues to mental health professionals because my ex partner was always present, had been threatening to leave me and I desperately wanted him to stay with me. I had also been terrified of my father who was physically and verbally violent to me in his belief that it was justified punishment for issues such as getting upset in public, arguing with him or just generally being frustrated which is common with autistic children. I never understood why I was treated like this and I wanted to move out, which I did aged 21 and latched onto my ex to co-habitate with him. My father also similarly used and still uses to this day, the same tactic of repetitive verbal taunts – I cannot stand repeated noises.

There are accounts on my history of my ex telling health care professionals that I suffered seizures. I would like to humbly admit that I faked these to get him to stop hitting me. This is the reason there have been zero reoccurrances, and why the reports were from him not myself. I did not fake any dizzy spells or fainting, but these have also not reoccurred in the past 10 years. I think they were a result of dizzyness from standing up too fast.

It is true that my ex was registered with the benefits system as my personal carer. It is also true I see in hindsight, that I did not need one. I had been told many times by mental health professionals and my ex that I was incapable of work and I would always be misunderstood by society so that I shouldn’t even bother. Despite this I developed many personal projects which blossomed into self employment in fields of journalism and online sales. It is only in recent years after leaving my ex that I have been confident enough to work in salaried positions with other people.

I think my records look especially bad because when I go to the doctor over any problems I've had, the good times don't get recorded, when the problem is mental health related they are exacerbated by my history which is dredged up. I feel like I can't have a normal reaction to extreme conditions, or a common episode that any person may have such as stress at work, mental anguish because of outside abuse etc., without it being related to my past.

I can relate most my periods of calm and no mental health issues to my ex being away, as he was for 6 months in Japan prior to my moving there When I joined up with my ex I tried to get him to realise that I had been without problems in his absense, but when I suggested that he had mental health issues of his own, I was always belittled, blamed and told that I should express gratitude that he was here helping me as without him I’d be nothing. He would get extremely angry at my suggestions he needed some help. His drinking got much worse despite my own issues having improved considerably. Barring issues with my ex, I was very happy in Japan.

I left my ex in 2006. Since then I got a job in a nursery in Japan. I started a relationship with a very good friend from the USA. The loss of the country I love thanks to my divorce from my ex has been the greatest potential emotional wrench in my life, yet has resulted in no mental health issues.

After I moved back to the UK in 2008 I started full time work in November 2008 however, and have been employed constantly since.

I want all this to please be taken into account. I want it to be acknowledged that I have risen above my marred past and stayed stable for three years, and previous to that DESPITE my ex’s abuse which continued in Japan, that I had no mental health problems while there besides low self esteem and feeling I would not be able to hold down a job. I never saw nor needed a doctor since 2004 for issues of anxiety or depression, because there haven’t been any prolonged incidents.

I have been living in my own rented property for 18 months, with a period of 6 months where my now-husband stayed with me. He is now in the USA. I have a job working with vulnerable adults which I have had since March 2009. I enclose a letter from my boss.
I want my achievements to be acknowledged instead of people dwelling on my bad history or why my achievements themselves are "odd" or "eccentric."

I want the NHS to acknowledge that most of my history has been exacerbated by others and their inability to either cope with an undiagnosed condition, or later my ex's own psychological problems and alcohol addiction that he would not acknowledge and instead all our issues were blamed on me.

I want the NHS to acknowledge that my life is free of the pre Aspergers diagnosis issues, and free of issues I had when my ex was living with me.

I want the NHS to acknowledge that I am not in receipt of any benefits for disability, incapacity or indeed ANY benefits because I earn enough to not qualify for any. I enclose my accountant’s report for year end April 2010 as proof of this.

I have never been violent towards anyone at work, my new partner, or in public. Past incidents with my ex were not one sided.

I have a CLEAN enhanced CRB check.

I have NEVER been arrested, charged or warned, only questioned by police for issues that never had any violent intent. This must be taken into account.

I admit I have omitted such information before re. my history of abuse from others. I really would like to set my record straight, so to speak.

How's this sound for an intro?

An open letter to the NHS and to the doctors involved in my treatment and assessments;

I would like to preface this letter with a quick exposition of why a revue of my medical records is of such importance to me that I come to you all with this letter. I hope to clean up my medical history, and have the content reassessed, because of the confusion and misinformation contained therein. Which I fear and believe may reflect unfairly – negatively – in my future pursuits both professionally and geographically. Most notably, I hope to relocate to the United States, and believe some of the erroneous claims upheld in my records might prevent that.

I am currently employed as a social care worker, involved in assisting vulnerable adults. I am well respected in my field and by the people I help, and have been doing so for X years. I would like for there to be some record of this brought into my medical records, and notes regarding my current stability and recovery. I would also like to have a medical opinion and possibly dismissal of certain diagnoses issued in my past - primarily those considered prior to the acceptance, awareness, and diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome.

Thing is you CAN'T edit medical records without going to court. That's it, what's done is done. What I'm looking for is for them to acknowledge that I am stable. Unfortunately I tried to explain this to the doctor last week and ended up sounding like Rainman. No doubt this'll go on my file too.

What I;'m going to bring (posting tyhis so I won't forget):

A letter from my boss saying I'm reliable and safe.
My clean eCRB check (it's a police check that proves you are safe to work with the vunerable, if there was even a charge of carrying a knife sans prosecution, it would not be clean.)
My old passport that proves I left Japan voluntarily (you'd think they'd eject a mentalist like me yeah?) with many visa reissues in it (again, mentalists won't get easy visas right?)
A photo of my black eye in 2006. Unfortunately it is just a photo of my eye. I was so scared and ashamed to upload such a thing to my photobucket (in order to datestamp it) I didn't want my face on it.

This is not evidence I am ever going to show to US immigration btw. This is to hopefully exonerate me. Actually the letter from my boss - I'll take that to the US immigration medical.

The idea is to avoid need for a letter from my GP. The only way to go about this is to book a private psychiatrist and get him to pass me as sane. I might need several visits to prevent liklihood of them asking for a letter from GP regardless. Going to cost a lot!

But in case they DO still ask for a letter from GP, I need to stop it from affecting me too harshly. This obviously needs to be done way in advance.

I am not sure I understand the problem at all - I thought that you request a US visa and in the rare circumstances where it is requested, your GP writes a report answering specific questions. Your medical history is not delivered even in part to the US consulate.

As I see it, you write to the GP asking for a supportive report, or visit the GP and make the same request verbally.

I think that dredging all this information up is possibly going to be counter-productive and raise a red flag where none might have existed.

Do you have to disclose all your medical records to the US authorities? I shouldn't have thought so. If you do have to disclose all your medical records to the US authorities, then things would be slightly different, but assuming that you don't have to disclose all your medical records, in your circumstances, I would probably keep your answers to the absolute bare minimum:

* "Have you ever had seizures?"
The answer to that question is No.

* "Have you ever been in trouble with the law because of a mental disorder?"
The answer to that is No.

(From what you say, you have never been arrested, charged or convicted. The police talking to you about someone saying you had a knife when you walked to a phone box to call the police to report a crime is irrelevant. If your window was broken and you were a victim of crime, then the honest answer to this question is that you have never been in trouble with the law because of a mental disorder. If the US authorities ran a check on your criminal record, you would be 'clean', so to mention that incident would be to raise a red flag and attract unwanted attention where they would not have had any information and would not have had a problem.)

"Do you or did you suffer from a mental illness whereupon there was harm to yourself or others" (this one's dodgeable as long as you provide proof you are not likely to relapse.)
The answer to this is No. And I explain below why the answer to this is No.

You haven't mentioned any suicide attempts on your medical records, so the answer is No, you did not and do not suffer from a mental illness whereupon there was harm to yourself.

Harm to others? You were in an abusive relationship. If you and your ex had 'a bit of a domestic' you didn't harm him because of your mental illness, you harmed him in a tit-for-tat reciprocal harm thing. If he harmed you and you harmed him back it wasn't because you're Aspie and therefore you're a danger to other people, you harmed him back because he was a manipulative, controlling, emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive a***hole.

The actual question is, effectively: does your mental illness cause you to be a danger to others. Does being Aspie cause you to want to harm other people? No.

Do you honestly believe that you are at risk of harming yourself? From what you've said, I think your answer should be No.

Do you honestly believe that you are at risk of harming others? From what you've said, I think your answer should be No.

If the question was Does being in a violent and abusive relationship cause you to want to cause reciprocal harm to the other person in a relationship? then the answer might be Yes, but if you analyse the actual question, does your mental illness cause you to want to cause harm to other people your answer should be No.

From what you have explained, I think your answers to all the questions should be No. To answer Yes might be opening a whole can of worms.

But ignore everything I've said above. Your best course of action is to see a specialist immigration lawyer.

p.s. to clarify, I don't think you should edit that letter, I think you should just not send it to your GP at all.

If you believe you can answer those three questions in the negative, and I believe I've explained above why you should simply answer "No." - and by that I mean No Full Stop, not No, but blah blah blah, I really do mean, simply answer No. - then there should surely be no reason whatsoever for the US authorities to correspond with your doctor or to get a copy of your medical records.

I don't know about the immigration process, though, whether you need a letter from your doctor in any event, whether everyone requires a doctor's letter? If that's the case, then I still don't think you should send that letter. If everyone emigrating to the US requires a doctor's letter, then I think you should simply make an appointment with your GP and explain that you need a letter, and ask them what they intend to put in that letter. Their answer to that question ought to alert you to any potential problems. If you must, explain that you have some issues with inaccuracies in your medical records and ask that you see a draft of their letter before they send it.

At *that* point, if they write a letter that you feel contains inaccuracies or unfairly represents your medical history and ongoing medical issues *then* deal with it.

I think you're pre-empting a problem though where potentially none exists.

p.s. I understand where you're coming from. I used to have a really crap GP a few years ago, and I kept asking for a referral for a diagnosis for Asperger's and she kept saying that she didn't think I was Aspie (she was a general practitioner, i.e. not a psychiatrist or psychologist, with no specialism or expertise in diagnosing autistic spectrum disorders generally or Asperger's Syndrome in adults specifically).

At one point, I got angry with her for not making the referral, because at a previous appointment I thought I had convinced her to make the referral and a few months later when I hadn't received an appointment I went back and asked: Hey, I haven't received the referral yet, please will you write to them and hurry them along? And she explained that she hadn't referred me because she didn't think I was Aspie. I was exasperated and frustrated because of the waste of time and the delay when I had read all the diagnostic criteria and *knew* I was Aspie and I knew that because I've lived with me for all my life, whereas she'd just seen me in a few appointments lasting several minutes long.

I changed GP because she was crap.

[ETA: After I changed GP, my new GP was great, and she made the referral to Sheffield and I was diagnosed as Aspie, so an expert confirmed my suspicions were correct and that my previous GP was wrong.]

But later, I had a different medical problem, had an accident and had some operations and there was medical negligence involved, so I sued a hospital for medical negligence. As a result of that law suit, I saw my medical records and saw that my previous GP had made notes after that consultation in which I got angry at her for being so s**t, and she'd written that maybe I needed anti-psychotic medication.

No, you dumb b***h, I don't need anti-psychotic medication, I need a doctor who has a f*****g clue and accepts the limitation of their knowledge, i.e. you're a general practitioner who has no experience or expertise or specialism in diagnosis of people on the autistic spectrum generally, and you certainly have no experience or expertise or specialism in diagnosing adults with Asperger's Syndrome.

So I totally know what it's like and understand what it's like to have loads of s**t in your medical records that bears no resemblance whatsoever to reality or facts.

My advice is therefore not to give the US authorities any excuse to go digging around in your medical records if you think they will not like what they find.

It's way too long. Try to think of a different way to write it where you don't have to include your entire life story.

The application forms for US visas from the London embassy are here http://london.usembassy.gov/visaforms.html if you wish to check the questions.