Being desperate for some quiet time.

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes I come home from work or being at the shops and I really really need some quiet time. I need it so badly it hurts.

The problem is, my boyfriend wants to talk to me and do things like watch a show on tv, or set something up, or whatever, but I need to just sit quietly and check my emails.

I don't know how to tell him I need this without offending him. When I speak up and say what I want, I end up offending people, because what I want is so weird and hard for other people to understand I then fall into the trap of saying that my feelings and wants don't matter so that I don't offend people by asking for what I want.

How do I tackle this?

You could try to explain to him (and others who might need to know) that it's something important to you. That you need some time by yourself to settle your mind after a busy day. Make sure you tell him/them this when you're calm, NOT when you're trying to get away because that's usually when people say the wrong things.

I also wouldn't worry about people thinking it's "weird", a lot of "normal" people need some alone time after work aswell. I'm sure they'll understand.

I don't think this is a weird thing to ask at all.

I don't think that it's a strange thing to ask. I also need my quiet time.

Just tell him you need to relax for a bit and that you're stressed, NTs tend to understand that.

I think - relationship expert that I am - that nearly all relationships work better when the participants recognise everyone has some need to spend time alone. I think there's an unfortunate idea that people in relationships "should always want to be as close to each other as possible, otherwise they aren't really doing it right" that just about everyone eventually sees as untrue.

Put on this song. It will help you to speak or it may do the speaking for you if he listens to its message.[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2vWQFHP3D0[/youtube]