How to stop taking things out of context.

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You all know I have taken many things said here in the form either wrongly are way off the context. I tend to jump the gun in making things seem like everything being said about me or said in a different way that are more personally than they are supposed to be. I've made my self appear as a bully cause I misunderstand a lot of things said to me. I need to find away to stop assuming everything is being said about me. I don't want to be a bully. I want to be a friend. I want to stop jumping people's throat but sometimes there is a real truthful reason why I jump down most people's throat. No girls are involved in the real reason for me to jump down peoples throat.

i used to be exactly like that when i was at school. i took everything to heart and i lashed out - throwing tables and chairs across the room, shouting and stabbing people with pencils and compasses. i lashed out because everybody was being horrid to me all the time and it made me sad.

over the years ive learnt more and more about how to deal with it. im now far from perfect at not taking things to heart, but im alot better than i used to be.
what i started to do was to try and laugh when somebody was being horrid to me. that was the first step. and then if i desperatly needed to respond to it i just said something like 'you pathetic immature little boy' (it was always boys that bullied me)

or the other way i tried and that works is to co mpletely ignore it. it is hard to but it does work.
for example a few weeks ago at work. (i work in a shop)
i refused a young lass cigarettes because to me and my bosses she did not look the legal age of 16, and she didnt have any ID on her. her little brother was there and he said that the girl was 17. and the girl was using alot of slang language that i didnt / dont understand like ' gimme me fags, man, like, come on!' i told her i didnt understand her and that she should speak proper english. they left

a few minutes later her little brother returns to the shop with his friends, and laughs directly at me and said how old re you... i said that i was 21, and he says, well dont you understand slang? and i said some but not all. he laughs at me again, and buys chocolate bar, and asks me if he needs ID to buy it. he was clearly trying to piss me off. he did piss me off. he succeeded. but i didnt not let him know. i stood there arms folded gritted my teeth and ignored it. and asked him for the money for his chocolate.

he tried it agvain a few more times whenever he came in. each time i ignored it. and he stopped doing it becuase i didnt let him have a reaction.



it is sometimes very hard to ignore it or laugh at people when they try to piss me off. but i got better at telling when people are joking and when they are not. althbough i still cannot recognise their faces to tell if they are happy when they say something or sad when they say something.
it takes practise and patience. the second is quite difficult for me aswell! im not very patient at all, thought again better than i used to be

If you are responding to an email and are able to - it might help to walk away from the post for a little while before you respond. I know I have a tendency to respond not so nicely sometimes and take things the wrong way. Sometimes it is even little words or phrases that can trigger it. I have noticed that if I find something I read really bothering that if I do another activity and then calm down and re-read it I can find I have almost an entirely different outlook on what was posted. This tends to be when I am in a mood though - otherwise I can be quite pleasant

tigerfire

Asking how you can stop misunderstanding what other people say to you, is like asking how to stop being aspie.

I guess the best thing you can do is hold off or delay responding, and ask yourself do you really need to respond or defend yourself - what do you gain by that?

For instance, how drummer_girl handled the kids in the shop - there was nothing to gain by her defending herself or trying to explain herself to immature children who weren't interested in doing the right thing anyway. Who cares what these children think? They have no standing or credibility in the work place or the community - so if they think you're stupid, that's probably a good thing and only makes them look bad.

Have a rule - not to post when you're angry. You can write the post, but put it in a text file not in the forum. Read it the next day and see if it looks the least bit balanced. I find my angry posts make very funny reading later - how did I get so upset about that little thing?

Review the situtation that upset you - is there another way to interpet what was written/spoken or what happened? What is the best possible way you could see it? Did something you did immedately before be misunderstood?

If you're still mad and it is important to deal with the situation, find out if the person really meant to upset you. Tell them when they say "blah", you hear "upsetting thing", and get upset/angry, is that what they intended? If they say yes, then ask them why they'd want to upset you. This gives you a chance to explain anything you did that may have upset them first. If they really are being obnoxious because they think you're weird or different, AND it is important to sort the problem out, you will probably need to get another person involved to mediate between you until the problem is sorted.

Remember at this point, the calmer and more rational you can be, the better you will be heard. You can still be angry, but keep the expression of it calm, controlled, low voiced and specific. If you can't do this, or you feel you're losing it, leave the room - have an emergency visit to the toilet or away from the situation until you calm down.