what do you do to act more NT?

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I've seen a lot of people saying that they try to act NT in public, but I'm curious what this means to you - what exactly do you do to try to blend in?

I have a default set of facial expressions like masks I have practiced. Also, places I frequent with people I see on a daily basis, I'll smile and say "what's up?" or something similar, keeping it short and pleasant. If they ask "How's it going?" I'll answer "hanging in there!" and leave it at that. I have almost broken myself of talking to people, at great length about myself or other topics that they have no interest in.. almost.. Now I do it here lol!

Unless I know the person or people around me well, I attempt to do the following:

-I talk about mundane things of no consequence as though they're interesting, and smile while I do it. (I fear this may be gradually infecting me so that it's becoming normal.)

-I ask questions about the mundane things of no consequence which others talk about as though they're interesting, and put on what I believe to be a curious expression while I do it.

-I attempt to determine what the appropriate emotional response is to any given discussion and respond accordingly (e.g., "That's terrible!" "That's great!") and remind myself not to smile when people are talking about things they find unpleasant.

-I try to remember not point out when people are being illogical or irrational.

-I try to remember to greet people with more than just a nod, and look at them when I do it.

-I do not bounce when I'm excited.

Kaybee,

I really like your avatar, it reminds me of an arctic fox in mid-leap while pouncing on a vole under the snow!

increasing eye contact, you can try and mimic the person you are engaging with to build raport. the easiest example would be to drink from a glass at the same time or shortly after the other drinks from it. you can mirror all sorts of body language and you'll find you may do this automatically anyway. i know i do. to try to force it might just look creepy.

being aware of your own and others body language can be useful. you can use it to put people at ease by understanding cues.

actually getting invested in the topic of conversation even if it is only to aid the interaction. as opposed to thinking about other stuff at the same time. this can be tough if you are trying to juggle everything else.

if you can be relaxed then that will usually come across and help other people relax too. people can literally smell fear (subconsciously)

Thanks! I imagine a red fox on a mouse, but it's much the same.

- I ask people about their day
- I try to make and keep eye contact
- I try to mimic facial expressions and voice intonations I see/hear in movies
- I try to express sadness when someone tells me about something tragic that happened (even though I usually don't feel anything at all)
- I pretend to be interested in what they're saying when it's their turn to talk and say things that make it seem like I'm listening, like "Really?" and "That's cool."

A handful of people who knew me would believe if I told them I had some kind of "social disability"



First, mimetism, copying, acting NT, does not work

Because at some point your attention would weaken and you would say or act totally wired. Your overall behavior will look strange to say the least.

It starts with you, you need to accept and work with your weaknesses. You will behave naturally and your performance will look flawless. Start to list your problems and turn them inside out.
- You have problems making friends. Help people you can help without expecting anything in return, it will become your first step without you realizing it. But keep in mind that 5 real friends is what people will make in their entire lives.
- You have a problem to make eye contact, don't. While you speak or someone speaks to you, keep your sight in the far, just pretend you are listening carefully, use "umh, umh" acknowledgments, close your eyes a little... it is very easy. Only briefly watch the person in the eye when you or he concludes a sentence.
[...]

These tweaks are good to find your place among NTs. You will have your own traits, qualities and flaws. You will naturally find your place in NT groups. But you will still be you and the other will like you because of your difference

DISCLAIMER: I pushed the tweaking to the max, trying to become NT (without me knowing what a "NT" or an "aspie" was at the time) and I realized it was as dumb as watching "Fight Club" from finish to start: You start wanting to blow the world and you end buying IKEA furniture. It has to be an aesthetic fix only.

Last edited by SuperApsie on 11 Oct 2010, 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't, really. The goal shouldn't be to act more NT; it should be to communicate effectively. So I focus on things like using words more precisely and efficiently, using tone-of-voice to substitute for punctuation, and reciprocity in conversation. Copying NT doesn't really work all that well; better to use my own style in a way that can be understood by an NT.

-look in their general face region
-use scriptss (say fine and you to "how are you?")
-respond when spoken to when I can
-talk about common interests - most of the time I talk in my classes so talking about grad school is a good safe topic since most others are applying too.
-avoid talking about ASD's (my special interest) even though they are related to my major because my interest is overwhelming to others
-try not to say much when autism does come up as I'm likely to blurt I have asperger's or reveal that I have a blog about autism, etc
-be aware of the fact when I get excited I talk louder (when someone in a group for a classs of mine said she was in class XYZ I think I said too loudly/enthusiastically "oh I am too")

That's interesting - I find looking at people's faces to be so exhausting, but I'm afraid that if I don't, they won't talk to me at all. I think I overcompensate; my inclination is not to look at faces at all, but you're supposed to look at people, so I probably end up kind of staring. I'm still trying to find that balance.

When I speak naturally I tend to mumble and speak quietly. I have had to force myself to speak up and pronounce words more clearly. It must be part anxiety-related because I can be loud when I am more emotional about what I am talking about.

Eye contact is something I didn't really do, until I got out of my teens when I finally figured out it held some importance. I still don't think I gleam the information others get from it, but I must pass myself off well enough by making eye contact quickly then glancing down as I continue to speak and using prolonged eye contact when I want to emphasize a point I am saying. I do smile, but toothy smiles feel completely foreign to me most of the time. The key effect is to make your eyes glitter when you're smiling instead of betraying yourself with dull or far away eyes.

I think my body language can be aggressive looking at times, which becomes more important when I would go to some social place where people are interested in competing for the opposite sex and status, which usually isn't the case at all. By dropping my shoulders down and opening my arms and hands more I appear more open and approachable, instead of nonverbally issuing some sort of challenge to the other males in the place.

To be truthful, I don't think I necessarily come off as normal, but most people seem to be willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, at least for short exchanges which is what most of socialization with the world is I imagine.

Absolutely nothing. There's no point in it.

You were born an original, don't die a copy...

The fact is that I also have the eye contact problem. But I never knew I had it until I discovered I was an aspie. Staring in the eyes is not a requirement in the conversation at all. The real problem is a behavior that seems different, people start making supposition that are false, and it is very hard to convince people once they made their own conclusions.

The brief staring that lasts between 0.5 to 2 seconds at the end of your sentence, or at the sentence of the speaker, should not only be a decoy of normality, it has to make a point. It is a tool that will emphasize what you just said and gives an overall impression of self insurance.

If somebody asks why you are not staring, don't tell you have a problem. Tell you need to look in the far to think

When I am really convinced in what I say, I'll do my last stare a la Joe Peci. Nobody will question you on your staring then.

Not talk about my obsessions or say facts about it when it comes up.

Ask people about themselves or what they have or what they are doing

Stay at the dinner table when I am eating with family and listen to them talk

Looking at people as we are having a conversation glancing at their faces off and on too

Being flexible

Listen to someone talk about what they want to talk about even if I am not interested and wait till they shut up about it

Say "I'm sorry" when they announce sad news

Imagine that I am going to partake in a diplomatic conference with aliens.

Next question.