empathy= no AS?

Post Reply New Topic

I was told by a therapist that I have a lot of empathy for other people. I agree. I can/do "put myself in others' shoes" and imagine how they feel. This is sometimes a curse because I feel too much if that's possible. I feel other people's embarrassment and sadness. I find it difficult to be happy sometimes when I know people close to me are not. But this empathy doesn't show and it hasn't translated to (more meaningful) friendships. The therapist doesn't believe I have AS. Maybe I don't but I have so much more in common with people on this forum than with people I have met. When she says this, my response is that I'm not attached to the diagnosis, but when I go home and think about it I still believe I do have AS. It's not like I get money or something tangible if I have AS, so why do I want to hang onto it? It's hard to explain to her that the person she sees in the therapist office is not the person everyone else sees. Anyone able to be more open with their therapist than with others in real life?

Regarding one point, the diagnosis can help you understand and accept some of your problems, whether or not you have AS. I've also felt the same way about my acute empathy, but at some point in my late teens I became very detached emotionally. A girl was the final cause of that, but I think other factors led to it... not sure what exactly.

Regarding another point, I don't know or currently care why, but people here seem to be generally very pleasant... I don't believe I've ever been with a more enjoyable group of people. I think one reason is their honesty. I dislike pretense, and it's relaxing to be in a place where people feel free to be open.

As a longtime taxonomist I do NOT see how ANY single trait could qualigfy you or disqualify you for fitting onto / into the spectrum.

I don't know that having empathy necessarily excludes AS. I have a high level of awareness for others and have the ability to grow strong bonds of caring for specific people. I think with me It's a lot more analytical though. Like I can put myself in another person's position but not necessarily their shoes. The way I feel about something is definitely different from what I've observed others feel. Although even with a lack of understanding others, I do feel bad when someone I care about feels bad... Usually it's not about me understanding why they feel bad as much as I'd like them to be safe and happy. I guess for me, my therapist initially brought up that she thought I had AS, but then she did kind of the same thing and started to pull away from her initial diagnosis because of my caring behavior and that I had some social skills (She hadn't worked with an adult aspie at the time so she hadn't been aware that aspies can learn social skills in their journeys)... later on I pooled more info back toward her about AS comparing myself to it and she decided I do have AS. I've even taken tests and they say I'm aspie so I think you can have empathy and have AS... I'm not sure exactly, but it would seem alot of aspies on this forum have quite a bit of empathy at times. Plus something I noticed alot of symptom lists say "appear to lack empathy" which I definitely appear to in most cases... even though that doesn't mean I don't care. I also think it is a valid point to mention that I am much more open with my therapist than anybody else I know other than one close friend of mine. My therapist is aware of this too as she has mentioned she knows I'm not nearly as open with other people since it took me 2 years to even begin to really open up to her.

I think you should just try to be true to yourself and do some research and bring your therapist your findings... appearing to lack empathy is only one symptom and you don't have to have them all to be an aspie. In reality I think the diagnosis for being having AS has only been around since somewhere in the 90's... my therapist is in her 60's so alot of this may be a learning experience for your doctor as it was to mine by bringing in more info. Like I said with my doctor... AS was something she had only experienced with in children until she had met me so she wasn't completely up to date on the subject of how it would appear in an adult.

The meaning of "empathy" as used in the clinical literature on AS/Autism is not necessarily the same thing as the popular meaning of the term, or even the dictionary meaning. The whole thing seems a bit muddled to me.

I don't think genuine empathy* is possible in those with an ASD, though it can be mimicked/learnt and thought through via deduction and trial and error.

*This isn't the same as care and compassion

I've long had a problem with the conflation that AS = incapable of feeling empathy. If anything I'm quite the bleeding heart, even if it's perhaps in a more abstract sense.

I'm a hell of a fiction writer. Consequently, I've learned empathy to develop my characters (and people reading my stories don't believe that I'm autistic until I won't look them in the eyes). We're neither robots nor sociopaths. I never understood "theory of mind" and think its a tragedy that anyone who isn't autistic is allowed to have a "theory".

Perhaps the problem is the fact that "empathy" isn't such a black and white, clearly-defined thing?

Another therapist incompetent on the subject of AS.

I have said it before and I will have to keep saying it apparently...and you should pass this along to her.

People with AS do not lack empathy. We are deficient in picking up the non-verbal cues that might indicate to us we are in a situation where empathy is expected of us.

I don't even bother seeing a therapist. Most don't seem to "understand" AS.

I still have no real clue what empathy really is. The dictionary, psychology articles, and even the wikipedia entry are all as clear as mud. Everybody I've spoken to seems to have their own definition.

My psychiatrist claims I must have empathy because I care for others, such as my family, and therefore cannot have AS. I disagree, as he is talking about love which is entirely different.

I do know that I have a negative reaction to others display of excessive emotion. For example, if my partner cries I feel incredibly anxious and disturbed and actually just want to flee the room. That doesn't mean I don't care though.

At the other extreme, when people display extreme happiness (particularly if it's a group thing) I also feel quite disturbed and confused.

It is as if I have either extreme sensitivity or else my own mind doesn't like signals that are at odds with my own emotional state.

What IS empathy? I've always been confused on this point.

When I read John Elder Robison's book "Look Me In the Eye," the way he described his own empathy was spot on how I am. I care about the people close to me and feel physically ill when they are having serious troubles but, more important than that, I try to logically fix the problem. Recently my mom had a nervous breakbrown. At first I felt like crying and my hands were shaking from anxiety, then I went online and read about depression and solutions for about 3 days straight.

And like Nemorsa said above, I do not like to be near people who are crying AT ALL. It makes me very uncomfortable, like I need to look down and away from them, and I just stand there and do nothing.

You can have empathy, but not know what to do with it. I can watch a movie like What Dreams May Come and get all emotional, but if I was around someone who was upset and crying, I'd be very uncomfortable.