I need to say\explain I have AS, should I use TV characters?

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I have a couple of friends, actually they were my mother's friends, now that my mother is in an institution (because of her bipolar disorder) I meet them sometimes to drink some tea and talk about her and random things.

They are very nice and smart, and I really care for them, they are like my second parents.
But...I started to notice some things I say they don't understand, and the worst part of it, I know sometimes my words are a little rude, and I don't want to mess with our relation or hurt their feelings. I'm so worried about it.

I have thought about it so much and my conclusion is that I have to tell them I have AS. The other way would get away from them.

Actually I have 2 questions:

Have you ever been in a situation like this? (feeling that you should talk about your AS to avoid the worst). What do you think about it?

I'm thinking about using TV characters as *part* of an explanation about what is AS. For example: Dr.House, Sheldon, Dexter. (part of their personalities) What do you think?

It depends on the context really. If you're going to be around these people a lot, it certainly makes sense to inform them of your condition, but describing it in the terms you suggest might actually confuse them as to your needs.

My suggestion is that you try to raise the subject at a suitable time, and just describe a little about your condition and how it affects your social interaction. Perhaps highlight some of the positives as well as the negatives, and explain to them that you'll need them to be very explicit when communicating with you, along with your other needs.

Here's the caveat: Some people, no matter how much you explain yourself, just don't seem able to 'get it'. Others can be downright closed-minded about it. Be prepared to deal with occasionally frustrating times, and have an escape plan in place if you ever feel uncomfortable. For example, I sometimes ask a friend or family member to call me at a specific time if I know I'm going to be in a potentially awkward situation.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Good luck 'coming out' to your tea-drinking companions.

I often go back and forth on "telling" about my own issues (I am bipolar, and I also have many of the deficits and benefits of being on the spectrum as well.) I have had mixed experiences which lean towards the negative. I am with you in that I want to tell, and at some point I plan to find a safe way to be open about who I am so that my behavior is at least explicable, but right now the reality is that most people are very uncomfortable with mental illness and neurological differences. I've lost a friend or two (good riddance) but in general, I haven't gained anything in particular - I'm still not understood well.

If these people are close to you, I think it's a good idea for them to know, but in my opinion, I wouldn't use TV characters as a guide, especially since so many AS characters have been drawn as psychopathic killers or otherwise extreme examples that don't have much to do with reality. You could try simply saying "I've been diagnosed with Asperger's, do you know anything about it?" and offer them a book with basic general information (I think Tony Atwood is an author that has come up on the forum.) Try to find one that describes your own experience if you can.

If you don't feel comfortable sharing your diagnosis, you might tell them that you realize you are sometimes a bit abrupt, that you never intend to be rude even though it may seem that way, apologize for any poor word choices either in the past or in future and leave it at that. Sometimes people are more comfortable with the idea that somebody has an individual eccentricity than they are with an accurate diagnostic label.

Times I've tried to disclose in conversation, things have been muddled and unclear and I get frustrated because the other person just isn't "getting" that there is something different and they keep saying, "but everybody is like that."

So when I have to do an important disclosure, I write it out instead. I try to keep it short and simple - one page, two at the most - and use bullet points where possible to make it clear and concise. I don't just take something someone else has written because we're all different so every written thing I've seen explains issues that aren't my issues and doesn't explain issues that are important to me, so I just write my own.

It does seem to help. I still have to follow up with a conversation but having things written out makes them clearer and easier for me to communicate.

I do like momsparky's comment about just describing the symptoms and saying something like, "I'm the kind of person who . . . " along with apologies where appropriate. I've "disclosed" that way quite often. If a sound is hurting me, I don't really need to go into sensory defensiveness and hyperacusis and autism -- I can just say that it hurts and ask if it can be stopped. People tend to respond well to that when it's stated as a request and not a demand and I take care to keep as pleasant a vocal tone as possible (not always easy, but I try.)

Dr Hourse is okay, Sheldon too...

Dexter. Not.

People who are unaccustomed to Dexter think of him as a crazy fictional serial killer.

That's like saying everybody has arms even if mine don't work efficiently.

I suspect I would go with the 'baffle them' approach. Instead of saying I don't pick up on normal social cues, I might toss out a cryptic "I have a structural neurological deficit that effects the perception, acquisition, processing and integration of information critical to effective interaction within social contexts".

Most people would go 'whoa, that sounds whacked' without really having a clue what I just said. Anybody that actually understands it would immediately know that I am telling the truth and probably be a bit fascinated.

I know what you mean, in fact this is the first time I'm considering talking to someone about it.
They are a special case that makes it easier, they have more than 50 years old, intelligent, and they have some knowledge on mind issues because they have children with bipolar and severe depression. They probably suspect I'm not normal, but don't know exactly what.

Obviously I don't know the full extent of your relationship with these people, but if you feel comfortable talking to them 'straight-up' about it, their experiences with other conditions lead me to be confident they'll be more receptive than most.

Perhaps the simplest solution would be to ask them if they've heard of the condition, then elaborate based on their responses. I think that a straightforward, genuine approach will always yield better results than an unnecessarily convoluted one, especially when using fictional characters to describe a real world condition.

Simply put, you know them better than anyone here does, and so you're best placed to judge how to inform them. I hope you'll come back and tell us all how it goes.

Yes mention Dexter is risky. I thought about it because I started recently to watch and can relate so much to his inner thoughts on pretending to be normal. I'll not mention him, at least not at this time, and definitely not if they never watched the series.

Mentioning any T.V. characters with supposed Asperger's Syndrome is a little too risky, because of the simple fact most actors are exaggerating the condition. You can be misinterpreted as someone, that you don't wish to be.