why i think WP should be used in moderation.

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I have been on here for a short time only, but i have started feeling some detrimential effects in my day to day life, and i want to develop this in order to help other people avoid the trap i fell into.
In here, we discuss mostly AS related issues, we connect to each other, agree or disagree, but mostly we are bathing in AS culture. What we need to remember when we do this, is that as much as this is a safe place,it is also a place where we get accostumed to express our true selves, and forget that we can't just do this with the NTs we meet.
It is especially true for people who don't live in english speaking counties. I live in france, and i tend to forget that the culture here is very different, this is a place where being autistic can get you in big trouble, having your children taken away, social services harrassing you, and were shock treatment is still in order.
what i am trying to say is that WP makes me feel "too"safe for my own good.
i relate to people, i tend to be attracted to the political side of AS, where we would be recognised as different but not less, and i forget that this is just not happening where i live. not in the next 20 years at least.
In most parts of the world, we are just seen as mentally ill. Many people think AS is a psychological disorder. And it is not safe to talk about it.
What i intend to do from now on is watch a lot of silly series where everybody socialises all the time, talk to a random mum at school and ask her if she wants to get some coffee and discuss how silly our kids are and how annoying it is to not have a life, and basically jump back into the "NT bath"and re-learn to pass as NT.
because being myself is just too dangerous for my kids and i seem to start feeling revolted that i can't just be who i am. I need to realise that i will never be able to, unless i move to america or something.
i think there is something in what i said here for everybody , even if i know i didn't express it properly. i know it's not an easy thing to do , and i know i am going to get a lot of heartache from trying to socialise again but i need to.
not to say i won't be posting here anymore of course...i'm just trying to raise an issue here. what do you all think? isn't WP making it harder to relate to the world around you? isn't it hindering your passing skills or willingness to pass?

I do agree that it's helpful to realise that WP is not the wider world, and that the wider world is much less... forgiving in its attitude toward "us" than WP is.
However, this part of your post

is not true at all for me.

First, let me say that I truly am saddened to hear that the situation where you live is as dire as you describe. It may actually be good to consider emigrating to somewhere your differences might be more acceptable. You mightn't need to go across the Atlantic, either. I can't speak about the rest of Europe, but England has a long, well known history of accepting eccentrics. Even if that reputation is somewhat exaggerated, a foreigner, anywhere, is expected to not fully conform. If that is not a realistic option and you feel that your time on WP is causing you problems, then, by all means, do what is right for you.

As for the questions with which you close, the short answer, for me, is no.

I have never been able to relate to the world well, and certainly not in the way that most people do. I am, finally, gaining some insight into WHY this is true, and HOW my perceptions differ from "normal." Knowing these things should help me better understand which behaviours can (or cannot) be altered, and how to change those that cause me problems.

At the same time that my time on WP is teaching me better coping skills and methods to minimize the negative impacts caused by my unusual thought processes, it is also reminding me that I do not have to perfectly meet some nebulous, theoretical "ideal" of normalcy and be part of the herd in order to be accepted by the herd. A sheepdog needn't pretend to be a sheep to be accepted by the flock. To continue that metaphor, I know that I will never be a sheep, but I can learn to behave as a sheepdog, so that I am not perceived as a wolf.

Some things might be different here, but the colors, shades and tints of our grasses really are not.


I could not possibly even force myself to "watch a lot of silly series where everybody socialises all the time ... and basically jump back into the 'NT bath'", but I also think the idealistic "political side of AS, where we would be recognised as different but not less" also stumbles people. So, I say you have made some good points for consideration.

i agree with you, ediself, but not necessarily for the reasons you have given, maybe because it is different in my country. but i am speaking of somthing similar. i think that it is easy to forget that the WP culture is not the same as real life.

i have started to take some of my WP discussions into real life-situations, to see what perspectives my friends and family have, because it is so easy to lose sight of what people in one's own community and family believe. we are a diverse bunch on here, but sometimes the groups who speak loudly and in concert on WP represent ideas that do not fit into the majority of my own outside world. it is so easy to start thinking that the strong opinions on WP actually reflect majority opinions IRL, but they don't.

there isn't only *one* perspective on any issue on WP, but very vocal groups predictably emerge. there are 818 people on WP in this very minute, 40,480 members total, and how many of them are actually posting right now? the discussions on WP don't even necessarily proportionally represent the opinions of WP members, much less the society each of us lives in.

WP is great for hearing different points of view and for learning how things are done in other societies. but i have been cautioning myself to take the site with a grain of salt because not everything translates into meatspace.

This forum is too depressing in anything more than small doses. MOPE, MOPE, MOPE.

I don't think of myself as willingness-to-pass-impaired so much as confident about who I am. I've never done that well at avoiding all good so as not to see how bad things are.

That said, yes, it is even more annoying when I get used to being myself and then have to step back out into the unaccepting, hateful world.

But I'll tell you what-- I'm a lot happier when I'm myself as much as possible, regardless of how much more annoyed I am when I can't be. There are places where I can. WP is one of them. I leaned pretty heavily on this site coming out of my shell, learning to live in the world and not just hide inside my own mind and focus on the outside just enough to get rid of external interference. A big part of that was learning to be myself wherever and whenever appropriate. And some places where it's not.

Frankly, an awful lot of my interaction difficulties are enhanced, if not caused, by the stress of being alien.If I can renew my energy relaxing with an Inner Circle friend of my own culture, I will be better to handle the culture-shock stressor tasks of surviving in somebody else's culture.

I've been here a short time as well and my experience has been nothing but helpful in my life. However, I think it's possible that I am embracing a newfound self-acceptance that could be making me behave less normal. Personally, I dont really care. Ive always enjoyed being weird in lieu of being normal. Now I just understand the nature of my weirdness much better.

Maybe these detrimental effects are due to something else? You have been here a short time? Maybe its another reason? Has WP put too many questions in your head?

I am how I am.

it might be something like that. i just went so deeply and so quickly into this that i feel separated from NT culture in a way i didn't feel before. i feel even more autistic than i did..... sure it's good to be understood ( finally ) but as dandelion fireworks said, it's hard to go back to NT world and feel you have learnt so much and nobody cares, wanting to share and nobody wants to know, and basically feel like you're surrounded by morons. It makes me less and less willing to be like them. and i do act less normal in consequence, and lose all the skills that took me 30 years to build in order to be accepted by them, and i don't know if i can afford that...
i just wish we had a country to ourselves.

Same here, I'm only 3 months aware of my AS.

I am recently quite hostile to NT norms now that I have learnt about my AS.

I feel its just a phase, like a falling out with an old friend. The new found realities about AS or NT, will blow over and you will begin to play 'the game' once again, just to get along, for the sake of your kids.

you're right about this. i hadn't thought of it this way. i was diagnosed 3 years ago but i only started learning more about it when i found my son might be too, so actually , i have only been getting into AS culture for 2 or 3 months. yeah, the hostility will lessen.....i resent them for their stupidity. for liking a person that i am not and doesn't exist. What they like about me is an appearance. i was popular the last year of high school, and i know i can do good at passing. i just wanted them to have a lightbulb moment, to realise "oh! so this is who she is!", all they see is that i feel different and weird to them , they react like a dog smelling cat on his owner's clothes.
meh. i shouldn't expect too much i guess, and i know it will pass. i will start feeling ok with being around them again. it's good to know i will always have a little place where i can be myself though

I'm just like this all the time, for better or worse.

... or possibly just corrected some previously-believed "answers", thereby dashing certain hopes?

Part of an old song comes to mind:

"I want [them] to want me;
"I need [them] to need me;
"I'd love [them] to love me."

However, learning about ourselves can lead to some bittersweet thoughts and feelings when it seems so many other people do not even want to care.