Do you have to have AS to be socially awkward?
I am quite curious about this. I don't know if they're actually Aspies, but I've met some people in my life who seem to show extreme difficulties in their social cues, and can't mix very well and make friends, yet they're quite outspoken at the same time. I don't know if having Aspergers necessarily means you're going to be very quiet and shy throughout adult life (childhood life doesn't count at the moment).
I have a colleague at work who is very, very, very socially awkward, and I swear on my mum's life that she is not doing this on purpose - she is a nice person, but is very socially awkward and it really shows. Even a blind man can see it. Everyone at my work can tell she's odd and different, and I know that she has some social difficulties (because I know how she feels), but the others won't have it. They all just call her an annoying woman, but I just call her ''socially awkward''. Even I know more social cues than her, and although I'm rather shy (not shy enough to alienate myself from everybody, but not very outspoken) my social difficulties don't really show too much. I may be odd sometimes, but everyone there really likes me and have accepted me, and they all speak to me like I'm just like them - but with this woman nobody hardly speaks to her because she's just so difficult. She even pointed out to me that she gets DLA.
This woman does things what are very socially unacceptable. The other day the boss from head office told her off because she was being unsafe in the workplace, and because he said ''excuse me'' to her instead of using her name, she chose not to listen, and she literally ignored him and carried on doing the unsafe task. He told her again, but she still didn't listen (and I think that's socially immature for an adult at work), and we were all looking at her like she was an idiot. In my head a little voice said, ''Jesus Christ - you ain't meant to do that!'', and I panicked for her. And when the boss tried to reassure her (discovering she had social difficulties) she just said to him, ''go away, I don't want to speak to you!'' You ain't meant to say that either! When she went out for lunch, we all were quite shocked because nobody here had behaved like that before. And I said, ''if he was telling me off I would have obeyed him,'' and the other colleagues said, ''yes, me too.''
When she came back from lunch she told me that the reason why she didn't listen to him was because she doesn't like responing to people who don't use her name. Also she said that she doesn't like him and that she doesn't speak to people she don't like. It's her ''rule''. So I said, ''you can't just blank them out when they're talking to you - especially if they are under authority.'' But she wouldn't have it.
Also, she shows a lot of Aspergers symptoms, like having very strange/narrow interests - she seems obsessed with the job centre and the people there, (and also collects dictionaries), and she really, really finds it hard to cope in social situations. When we're talking about something private, she'll come up from nowhere and butt in, which annoys me. But, she is not shy at all. She'll yap on and on to people, and even to customers - but everyone knows that she never shows an interest in them, she'll just go on about herself. And even if NTs talk about themselves, she seems to do it in a different way. I can't explain it really - all I can say is she gives off vibes that she is not really normal, and socially behaves inappropriately. The other day she was chatting to me and another colleague, then the next minute she had gone home without saying goodbye, and even I know to say goodbye when I'm going home. She also can't understand any jokes, and she has trouble reading tone of voices, body language, and other people's emotions.
Would she have traits of Aspergers, or could it be something else on the Autistic spectrum? She is definately no NT, and I know some NTs can be socially odd, but she takes the biscuit.
So after all that I've decided that being more on the quiet side when you have social difficulties can make life easier in a way, because you can give yourself plenty of time to think about what's right and what's wrong, and also you can take in how other people communicate, so you become more better at it than somebody who's very outspoken but with social difficulties. What do you think? Would you rather be shy but have more time to think before you say something, or would you rather be a loud Aspie who doesn't give yourself time and room to think about what you're going to say?
_________________
Female
Last edited by Joe90 on 28 Oct 2010, 11:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm not sure of the point of your question. In the case of the woman you describe, she would be better off being less confrontational and 'out going'. But that is her individual narrative, not one that can be generalized to all Aspies. She sounds like she has some significant issues that are going to ultimate cost her her job.
I've worded the thread better.
I was just using her as an example. I've met some other people who are similar to her too, and they really show that they can't get on with other people, ad I just wondered if it was necessarily Aspergers, or some other social difficulty.
_________________
Female
You're right.
Being socially awkward and outspoken has it's advantages and disadvantages, the same as being socially awkward and shy does. When someone is outspoken but with social difficulties, they tend not to care so much about being judged, whereas I'm very cautious and so I keep myself to myself a lot until I've really gotten to know someone's personality. But someone else who is outgoing can walk into a room and start rabbiting on before they even got a chance to get to know the person, and sometimes they can come across as ''socially selfish'' more so than ''socially aware''.
_________________
Female