Did I lie?

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I'm worried I just got myself into a major problem when it comes to my social life/friends. To make a long story short, I warned all of my friends ever since starting college that I have sensory issues/panic attacks when people touch me. This has generally not been too much of an issue but tonight a person from a club I know brought their 4-5 year old kid, who proceeded to hug me... luckily little kids never affect me like all other people I have met or those I've known for a LONG time or did acrobatics with (when you throw people around you get used to touching them.being touched by them fast ). Now I'm worried b/c I have had instances in the past where people touching me has caused panic issues (last one I was crying in bed for... about a half hour/technical meltdown... over an unexpected hug getting to me ) but now people have seen that little kids can touch me that it may look like I've lied. I also have a need for deep pressure that I've figured is generally best kept hidden (maybe 1-3 know about it at the most) b/c I'm worried people will get funny ideas if I try and explain it.

Best way, IMO, is to say something in front of them like:

"Wow, that really affected me the other day when the kid hugged me. I was freaking out but thankfully I managed to hold it together enough for it not to show. But I was upset afterwards and couldn't stop thinking about it for ages. Luckily, I'm much better with kids hugging me than adults, or it could have been much worse."

That way you are explaining without explaining. You are just relating your experience.

Hi Peko,

I don't think you lied. Touch creates the same problem for me, especially unexpected touch, yet I can get a massage, hold a baby, or play with a small child. Your friends should understand that an aspies aversion to touch changes, depending on the situation. Now, if they don't, you can explain it to them, but I doubt they would think you were lying.

I always tell my college classes that I have Asperger's and I may act a little odd because of that and I have found most people to be very accepting.

Have a great time in college -- even with Asperger's being an undergraduate can be a great time in your life.

-Johnathan

@Maolcolm that sounds dishonest, or at least disingenuous. If there is no real problem with kids touching them, then they should just mention that; not dig a deeper hole.

I think the reason why the very young (and in some cases very old), and certain other people don't cause the same reaction (for me flinching at unexpected/sudden touch) is that, personally, I am very sensitive to peoples 'energy' and that most people in that middle bracket have more issues. That might not make sense to any of you but it does to me.

Is there "no problem" with kids hugging the OP? For some reason I thought there was, just less than with adults. Perhaps I was just projecting because I'm as bad with kids hugging me as anyone else.

If it's as you say, the OP will just have to work out if being fastidious and perfectly accurate is worth more than an easy solution to maintaining good relations with these friends. I got the impression from the OP that simply sitting down and explaining all the details and variables of this problem to these friends wasn't really seen as an option, otherwise they would already have done it and wouldn't have asked for advice here. But maybe I misunderstand.

I was actually expecting this kid to come at me b/c she was hugging everyone else. So I ended up scooping her up off the floor during the hug b/c I'm so used to throwing kids from acro. I have no idea why but if I brace myself & end up holding a small child against myself their is no problem but an adult/teen hugs me & I freakin' lose it .

So you are quite happy to hug small children? There's no problem with that?

It's unfortunate that one of your coping mechanism for dealing with the hug - to make it more firm by picking them up - probably makes it appear as if it's more enthusiastic a hug than usual to onlookers.

I wouldn't worry too much. Your friends may not have even been paying that close of attention, but if they were and they ask you about it, just explain it to them: You knew the hug from the kid was coming, so you had time to prepare yourself, and you usually do better with kids than you do with adults/teens. They're your friends; they'll understand.

BTW you didn't lie. The truth just has a special case that you hadn't previously explained.

I'm okay with hugging kids, and the thing was the kid kinda appeared (to me) to be reaching to be picked up so I went with it.

It seems to me that you should just tell them the 100% truth-- exactly what you just explained here. If they are truly your friends they will understand & not judge you for it. They should realize those things are not in your control.

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable hugging people, sometimes I don't.

I think you were ok because it wasn't such a shock to you.

If I were you I would say to my friends that depending on the situation a hug/ touch could give me a panic attack but it I'm anticipating it I'll be ok. Or yeah, just tell them the truth.

I basically tell my friends that bright lights give me meltdowns, but it hasn't happened a lot lately. Did I lie? No, my situation just changed.

The only reason I'm hesitant to be 100% truthful is in order to do that I'd have to tell them that I'm okay under certain scenarios (warnings, etc.) and that certain individuals, no matter how long I know them will always be a problem... I literally have a "can never stand touching me" and a "maybe with a warning on my good days", etc. lists.
This will not go over well b/c they're are at least 1-5 people on my "NEVER TOUCH ME!" list due to past situations I had with them (scaring me, panic attacks, general disgust where I wanted to scrape my skin off afterwards, etc.). Some people just have personalities/"auras" that I like and others make me sick physically...
I've already explained many of my sensory issues to them to the best of my ability & most of them "get it", so I can think of a few that will be fine with the truth but the others may think I'm being a prude/stiff/unfair, etc. So, b/c it generally takes me 1-6 months to get used to a person enough to handle contact physically (if I'm lucky...) & I can only take so much in one day w/o overload, I went with the general "No touchy..." policy.