Do you think that I have aspergers?

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Hello everyone,

I'd like to start by saying I recently did the AQ test and scored 39. I didn't think about it for a while after, but then started reading about autism, particularly aspergers, and it sounded like I may have it.

Also, my mum told me a few years ago, that when I was a child a doctor said I may be autistic. However, it wasn't followed up. My mum is the kind of person who wouldn't want it followed up, she would want me to think I am normal so I can succeed. She pushed me a lot while growing up to succeed, because I was so odd that she was concerned about my future. Thanks to her pushing and nagging I am now studying a masters degree in information science. However, I am at a point in my life where I'd like to know if there is anything wrong.

Let me start by talking about my childhood. I had one good friend through all of primary school and high school. She made other friends, who in turn became my own friends. However, they always thought I was incredibly weird. I was bullied for being weird by others in school, but not nearly as much as I was bullied at home by two of my younger sisters. They, and the school bullies, liked to tell me I was slow.

I cried at least once a week in primary school, usually more. Stupid reasons. Even in high school I cried a lot. In one instance in year 10 I recall crying hysterically because I got litter duty. I cried for hours on end for several days. I suspect it may be a self defence mechanism because I don't know how to communicate what I want to say properly, but this is just speculation.

In school, I talked very little. I hated small talk. When it came to small talk I just didn't know what to say. My friends would talk to me and I would reply with some strange response, and they would think I was weird.

My friends from high school drifted away from me almost completely after about a year after I graduated. The necessity for them to hang around me was gone, and I didn't have the skill or will to maintain the relationships. It's been about 4 years of me having no friends now, and I must say it is rather lonely. I have a boyfriend, who is also rather weird. I live with him, and we have been together for over 4 years. But it's not the same as having friends you can talk to.

I am now in University. I can get past the basic 'hello, how are you' 'yea good how are you' point of conversation to the complaining about too many assignments stage. But then for some reason the conversation stops and there is awkward silence. Then they start talking to someone else, who they talk with much longer for.

My non-verbal language, from my standpoint, is fairly non-existent. My eye contact... well, I have no idea. I may be doing too little, or I may be doing too much. I think that it’s usually one or the other.
I don’t really know if this has anything to do with it, but I have a really odd voice. People have told me I sound very childish, and some people have trouble understanding me. I often stumble over my words and sound rather awkward.
I have an inability to become interested in things. I have one interest that dominates my life – anime. I love collecting it, arranging it, sorting it by date or genre, watching it, discussing it... If I’m with someone I know likes anime, including my boyfriend, I will attempt to change the topic so I can discuss anime instead. It’s the only interest I really have. This interest is rather narrow, only in the anime itself and not really in the merchandise, the manga, the games, etc, like most people who like anime get into. Growing up, I had an interest in cats. I would collect figures, toys, information... but that interest practically went away after my new interest in anime arose.
I can spend hours on end arranging things. Mostly the files on my computer. It can be rather time consuming when I really get into it.
Emotions wise... I always disliked it when one of my friends got upset. Luckily my other friends would hug them and make them feel better, but I would always stand aside wondering what, if anything, I should do. I find that I am ‘uncaring’ of people’s emotions in general, though I can sympathise with unfortunate events I see on the news, and with TV and anime characters. I sometimes say rude things without realising they are rude, and then people are very offended. After they get offended I can usually understand why what I said could be seen as rude.
I do a lot of repetitive things. Such as fiddling with labels on things until I have destroyed them. Often I don’t notice I am doing this. Or arranging my things for hours on end.
I have no problem with my imagination. In fact, I think I have an overactive imagination.
Thanks everyone, and feel free to ask me questions!
Any feedback would be appreciated
Extra notes: I score way above average at reading facial expressions on tests XD

I don't mean to sound rude, but why don't you try to get properly diagnosed?
You may have some Asperger's traits but on the other hand you have some of NT traits. Thus, I strongly recommend a proper diagnosis.

Thanks for your reply

I can't really afford a proper diagnosis at the moment o_O

What do you mean by NT traits?

It's ok, I didn't know it was costing that much, I'm in Egypt, and I don't trust psychologists here anyway.

"I score way above average at reading facial expressions on tests"
This is an NT trait, it's really hard for us to understand facial expressions and body language. for myself I can't differ between a gentle smile and sarcastic one.

But why do you describe yourself and your boyfriend as "weird"? the word has no apparent meaning.

Hmm I see I see. Well, I can go see a counselor for free as part of my university's health service, so I will probably do that. Then at least they can tell me whats up. After my exam is after though >_> Quite nervous about having to talk to someone about it...

Well, I suppose in that society labels us as 'weird'. So its not inherent, its a cultural label, I suppose. We both say a lot of awkward things when we are talking to people. The difference is, he doesn't care, he'll tell an awfully unfunny joke and not mind in the slightest that people thing he is odd. I, on the other hand, have had way too much experience being embarrassed by things I've said, so I prefer to say nothing.

I'll add a few things I remembered about myself now. My hand eye coordination is terrible for some things. I see someone do a movement so many times and it takes ages for me to copy them properly. I can see what they're doing I just seem to do it myself. They show me what to do, and I understand. Then when I try to do it I forget what they've just shown me and get confused. This can happen heaps of times before I can do a movement. Usually its the more 'complicated movements' like in karate she would tell us to punch, kick, block, or whatever in that order. I get what I am supposed to do but I usually stuff up. I'm also really bad at fitness exercises where people copy the movement of the instructor. People get really frustrated with me and think that I'm not trying. When I was learning how to drive, the instructor was trying to teach me how to do a U-turn. But even though she kept telling me what to do with my hands I couldn't get it for ages. She got quite frustrated with me. Then I started crying because I was also frustrated and didn't know what to say.

I had a few more things to say, but I've forgotten. Will add later if I remember.

Not necessarily.

I study facial expressions because I do portraiture. I am very good at reading expressions from a photograph so the typical tests are meaningless for me. But put my in a group of people, especially people I am meeting for the first time, and I'm lost. I can pick out an expression, but following the flow of expressions is exceedingly difficult. I also have a measure of face blindness - I have trouble recognizing people outside of the context where they are most familiar to me.

A good diagnostician will tease apart these and other similar issues and come to an accurate determination.

You are good with things (i.e. photographs) and bad with people. That's what being autistic means.

What you wrote are very similar to Asperger's traits, I would say 90% you have Asperger's Syndrome.
But to be sure if you could have a diagnosis it would be better, if you couldn't, then we welcome you to the forum and enjoy it with us.

Thanks

I did an aspie quiz~
My aspie score - 130/200
My neurotypical score - 61/200

I won't be able to get a diagnosis soon, though I'll try to see a counselor. The test I did was recognizing emotions in photographs, though I think I'm also pretty good at it with real people. The problem is knowing how to react to those emotions :O

Reading more into mental health etc I've decided that I most likely also have ADD. I can't concentrate in class, and can only listen for a few minutes before I start drawing pictures or something instead. I'm incredibly disorganized, have trouble starting my assignments, and have no motivation to actually do them to the very last minute. I also always lose my things, particuarly bank cards and other important cards, and my phone. I'll have to get this checked out too.

Until I am properly diagnosed, I'll definitely keep hanging out on these forums. I've read some threads and I don't think I've ever related to people more in my life

That's all I can say. You can never tell for sure, unless you get professionally diagnosed.

Like I said, when I can afford it
Until then, the best I can do is gather as much information as I can