Rude?

Post Reply New Topic

On another forum someone posted a question about whether it's rude to ignore someone saying hi in passing.

I said I didn't see it as rude because the 'Hi' is an invitation for socialization and ignoring the person is a rejection of said invitation. The majority of posters said it was rude because it was 'common decency' to at least acknowledge their presence.

Am I just being rude?

I would say to glare at the person would be rude. Speaking - even responding with a look - would depend on how much time.

Often I don't have time to respond to a sudden hi passing at speed.

If nonresponse is rude, a lot of people have been rude to me.

Most people aren't trying to have real conversation when they say "Hi"

This is how most "conversations" go:

"Hi"

"Hi"

"How are you"

"Fine, You?"

"Good"

And then its over and the people have moved onto things they need to do.

People don't want real answers to "how are you" they want to exchange expected "niceties" of acknowledging each other's existence and then to get on with their day.

Why the constant need for others to acknowledge their existence? Are they insecure?

I return "Hi's" a s often as I can.
It is not nessecary so that the other person wants to socialize.
When I manage, I return the hi with another hi, or I nod with an apropriate as possible face expression.
I might be wrong with my "return the greeting-"hi"" opinion, because what one says might be influenced by local culture.
I think the majority on that other forum is right.

How about treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself?

I don't expect people to say hi to me on the street just because I said hi to them. Not that I say hi to many people. lol

Its not that they are insecure, its just an auto proximity switch with NTs. When they get to a certain distance from others they have a tendency to automatically engage in this mini conversation. I've learned that in the workplace its just easier to go along with it and do the short script they expect. People get unnerved when things are different, like how everyone just turns around and stares at the door in an elevator...if most folks see someone just staring at the back wall they get weirded out by it even though it is not any different than turning around and staring at the door of the box.

For most people, usually just keeping your eyes averted from meeting theirs at the 10-20 feet distance keeps them from talking to you.

Can you imagine what it be like if everyone in the streets kept saying "hi" to you? You never get to your destinations on time because you were being stopped by all these strangers just so you can socialize to avoid being rude.

I never say hi to anyone. Why would I say that to a stranger? I sure don't go to work saying hi to people there. Plus I am not interested in that small talk.

But I do say hi when people say hi to me and I keep on walking. I am sure they get the message I don't want to talk because they don't say anything else. At work, it's obvious I have a job to do so that's why I wouldn't want to talk so if I walk into the building and the security say hi to me and greet me, I just respond as I keep on walking. They know I have a job to do so why would they want me to be late?

Oh, okay. I suppose I should make an effort to acknowledge them, then.

Its up to you, I've taken a long time to study this and evaluate the psychology of NTs (my special interest), but it does make it easier if you can have at least a few stock phrases for social interaction that make others not notice you in a negative light or think negatively of you.

My husband, who is also AS, doesn't give a dang. He refuses to do anything social or make any effort to play the politics in his workplace. I respect that its his decision to stay true to what he's comfortable with even if it means it makes work harder for him at times. For me, I have worked hard to be able to "fake" normal in certain circumstances even if it taxes me just because it makes life easier and gives me at least somewhat of a social life at times.

I find that formal speech (e.g., "Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening" instead of "Hi") in a bland, declarative tone helps to defuse any potential chit-chat, and don't stop walking. Act like you're on a mission and most people will leave you to it.

most people think i'm rude but im realy a sweet guy. i'm blunt with my conversation, wich is really the only way i would want to live. any other way would seem way to irresponsible

I often answer the "How are you?" with the cryptic and totally honest "adequate"

I say hi back though my dad and his wife called me a snob when I was 14 and apparently didn't say hi back to a couple of kids at school.

I think Darkmysticdream is right, though my first reaction to your question about them being insecure was "yeah". I think I'm wrong though. Dark's idea is more well thought out.

@happymusic LOL well my first thought was "yes" too. But that's my thought on most people. The two are not mutually exclusive, but I think that its not the core reason folks need the "hi" response, just that many of them are still highly insecure normally.

What if the person is deaf or mute?

Anway, I've been known to ignore people. If they get offended, they can cram it. If I'm having a stressful day, sometimes I'm not able to reply.

Why do some extroverts seem to think they have a god-given right to impose themselves on others? Ugh. Leave me alone.