what to do when someone interrupts conversation +takes over

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This has happened multiple times at work and I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to react.

I'd be in the middle of a conversation with a colleague (not discussing anything too important but it's not pointless chit chat, could be making plans or he could be telling me about something interesting that happened over the weekend) and either they would suddenly see someone or in most cases someone would call to them, come over and have a long conversation with them that doesn't involve me, again their conversation isn't anything too important either. What am I supposed to do without seeming like a weirdo?

A) Walk away without comment
B) Say "I better head back to work" and walk away
C) Wait for them to finish their conversation so I can continue my conversation.
D) Somehow try to join in on their conversation

I'm not offended by the conversation being cut short I just really don't know how I'm supposed to react.

Yeah, that one always confused me too.

Walking away could be considered rude.
Waiting for them to finish just feels awkward and like eavesdropping if it doesn't involve you.
Joining in can be difficult too.
The best thing is to excuse yourself somehow, I think, then walk away, like you said.

So many double standards in this world.
You would think butting into a conversation would be rude too.

I tell the person I was talking to, "Never mind", and then I walk away. If they were interested in what I was saying, they'll do something about it, and we'll continue the conversation. If they weren't, they won't, and I'll never initiate a conversation with that person again.

In my opinion

a) walking away without comment is weird
b) excusing yourself is not weird
c) waiting there silently if they do not acknowledge your presence ( occasional glances at you etc ) is a bit weird.
d) Trying to join conversation is not weird

That is an excellent question; it is something that happens to me quite often, and I am never sure how to react.

My observations lead me to conclude that there are two types of people in the world; those who are "in command" of every conversation they participate in, and those who are considered to be subservient in all interactions. I have grown to accept that I am in the latter category. By and large, people talking with me seem to view me as "dispensable," and they will happily break off any conversation with me in mid sentence if someone of the "commanding" type appears.

I see it also in the way people either can or can't hold their audience when they are recounting a story or telling a joke. Some people seem to have a powerful command, which means that their audience waits while they recount their story, maybe even remaining silent while the person pauses to take a drink, or collect their thoughts. Others, and I find myself in this category, are rarely allowed to finish a story or tell a joke, because someone in the audience interrupts to take over with their own story, or interrupts to spoil the punch-line of the joke before I manage to complete it.

I almost don't care any more; I just tend to switch off and lose myself in my own thoughts instead. But it can sometimes be quite frustrating.

Kinda depends on who the person is.

The problem with d is the conversation they're having something I really have no interest in joining. The problem with b is I think if I try to excuse myself it may seem like i'm trying to get the attention of the person I was talking to show them I'm offended that I was cut off (which I'm not), there's also the question of when I should excuse myself, should I just say "excuse me I'm off" whilst one of them is talking? Also what I should I say? "Excuse my I'm off" doesn't sound right to me.



I completely understand what you mean, I am definitely "dispensable" to almost everyone I know. Like you I've accepted it a long time ago. With the example I described above it doesn't bother me too much but quite recently I had a friend visit for visa reasons, by remarkable coincidence one of his friends happened to be visiting the country at the same time (to stay visit his brother who lives here), my friend ended up spending about 3/4 of his time with his other friend despite the fact I picked him up and dropped him off at the airport, made lunch for him, let him stay in my apartment, took days off work to hang out with him. Of course I can't make him enjoy hanging out with me more than his other friend but it was still really frustrating as I was looking forward to hanging out with him (I have very few friends here and no close friends at all, I hang out with a friend about once every 50 days) and ended up wasting holidays from work.

I could give you at least 5 other clear examples of me being clearly shafted/treated as dispensable by both relatives and friends but that's for another topic.

Used to happen to me at work at one time, this one guy would just butt in and take over the conversation. I couldn't understand why everybody else would just accept it. After he'd done it a few times I eventually lost my temper and yelled at him, telling him not to be so bloody rude. He looked shocked and walked away without another word. But it didn't seem to help in the long run. I can't recall if he ever did the exact same thing again, but he was generally competitive and much more extravert than I was, always cracking jokes and coming over as super-confident, and was soon acting as some kind of alpha male in the group.

I was pretty disgusted with the others for pandering to him instead of siding with me. I didn't make any more fuss about him, I just left him to it. But he spoiled what might have been a good social thing for me, until he left for another job. It was quite interesting when he did. One of the women said that it wouldn't be so good now that he'd gone, and one of the quieter men said "I think I can handle it." I laughed out loud at his sense of wit, which was much more to my liking than the humour of the rude bloke who seemed to get most of his laughs by using cheap sexual innuendo and by acting smug. I could never fathom what other people saw in him that was so entertaining. The women seemed to fall for it more than the men did. These were all intelligent people too. It's sad that in workplaces we get stuck with jerks and with people who tolerate jerks and stinking hierarchies.

I don't know that there's any solution. Maybe try to whip up some antagonism among the others against whoever it is that's doing it, or more benignly, try to raise the issue with people and argue calmly that it gets up your nose and that it's not really right. You might get lucky and find that one or two folks agree with you. Not that I'd be good at sorting out such a situation - I either go ballistic or I pretend there's nothing wrong, unless I feel especially safe with at least some of the people involved, and that doesn't happen to me very often. I never really expected much on a social level from workplace groups, I usually put most of my social energy into friendships outside of work. At least there it's a lot easier to avoid people who annoy me. One whiff of getting treated like some kind of a second-class citizen and I'm out of there. I'd rather be alone than play the role of an underdog.

you have to fake interest if you want to be social with people talking about things you have no interest in.

As for your excuse you just have to lie and say something like 'Sorry guys , I've gotta go , I'll catch up with you later' or words to that effect . You could even look at your watch or phone first to give the impression that you have something to do .

If this occurs in a workplace setting, mention how you have some work to do or say how you gotta get back to work.

^
On the other hand, is it always necessary to pander to the perceived status quo and fake complete agreement with it? Surely in most group there's room for at least a little bit of polite dissent and complaint, some acceptance that we're all individuals with our own personal preferences that can be aired and to some extent accommodated? Sometimes I think we bend over backwards to fit in with a rigid way of doing things that doesn't exist as completely as we might think it does. We have rights too, and it would be a shame to throw them all away without even testing the water to see if we have any pull with the group we're in.

I get this awkwardness a lot. One time at work 3 colleagues were having a conversation (not a private conversation, just were joking and laughing), and I decided to walk over to them and join in, but as soon as I did they got distracted and separated (totally unrelated to me walking over to them, it was just bad timing). So I kind of stood there for a few seconds then awkwardly walked away again.

Also I hate it when you're in the middle of talking about something really interesting, then someone abruptly changes the subject. My family's known for that. One time I was outside with my family and we were all talking about something interesting, then all of a sudden one person smelt dinner cooking coming from a nearby house, and interrupted the conversation by going, "yum, I can smell a delicious dinner being cooked", then someone else said, "oh I had this dinner yesterday..." then the conversation turned into one about what everyone had for their dinner in the last couple of days. I know conversations have to end sometime but it's annoying when it's abrupt and a good conversation dies sooner that it could have done. I suppose it's the same on online discussions too, for example Wrong Planet. There could be an interesting thread, no trolling, attacking or bickering, then suddenly someone will distract everybody by bumping up an old thread about Trump or something boring like that, and that will become the most popular thread and the interesting thread suddenly dies.

Talk about group think. I think Aspies are like NTs underneath.

I'm bad at faking interest and lying but even if I wasn't, they usually seem so absorbed by their conversation and I'm not too sure they'd want me joining in.

I can't always use "gotta get back to work" because there are times where I don't really have any work to do

^ couldn't you say "I'll leave you guys to it" or just say "excuse me" and walk away
I don't think you really have to explain yourself in that situation.

Here's an out there idea , how about saying "let me just stop you there , I have very narrow interests and would like to talk about something else , do you fancy doing that or shall I just leave you to it"

"Gotta go feed my axolotyl to my water dragon"

"Later guys, just glimpsed the bat signal"

"Just going to work on the world domination thing"