Do you get insecure?

Post Reply New Topic

So, I have a bad job now. I get all insecure about it when talking to people and in social situations. Mostly, because It was predicted I would end up in said job.


In before people tell me to be thankful i have a job

Yes, because I suspect people think I ought to be able to do better. I can't explain why I can't without sounding self indulgent to NT ears.

What kind of job is it? I bet it's not as bad as you think. I used to be a janitor. I've wiped butts for a living. Lots of people like me who have advanced degrees have done things that people consider bad jobs.

Also, you are twenty-three, have some degree of autism, and have a job in the worst economy since the Great Depression. I think most people would consider that an achievement.

Actually, most people will respect the fact that you are working. Period. If they don't, I don't think they're worthy of your respect.

I definitely used to feel that way, when I worked in a factory. Especially when the inevitable follow up was asked: "So, what do you DO in the factory?" That was my chance to tell them I was a foreman or a mechanic or something cooler than an entry level inspector/packer that is mostly done by Bangladesh workers. Now that I have a relatively cool and well paying job, I feel the opposite: I feel myself hoping that someone will ask me what I do so I can tell them, and get that "Oh, cool!" reaction I never got before in my life except when I was in the army shortly after 9/11, when everyone was thanking me for my service and buying me drinks at bars for doing what i'd already done for 3 years.

I've pretty much been the same person all these years, though. About as smart and brave and good looking at one place as another. But for better or worse, it feels like everyone judges you on your job, including you. I wish I had better advice than 'get a better job'. But know that whether you're a lawyer or a cashier, your intelligence, ethics and personality remain the same. You're not your job. You're you.

I have a good job that pays well and many people would like and yet I'm embarrassed sometimes that it's not better. I do visual effects and graphics work for a small film company, but this sounds better than it really is. I sometimes describe my job as techno-turd catcher. Sometimes I feel that that is all that is wanted of me. I get the feeling that my boss seems to think I'm incapable of a creative thought and usually only relies on me for solving technical problems, sometimes suggesting if something creative needs to be done, we could hire someone else. When you come right down to it, it's still a pretty darned good job, but I feel there should be more.

I guess my point is this; I tend to feel I should be doing better no matter how well I'm doing. To some extent, I tend to carry my disappointment in myself around with me and do not let go of it no matter how good things are. This isn't a very effective way to live and I don't recommend it.

Do you get insecure? yes.

Well at least you only have trouble living up to neurotypical standards - not only have they deemed me not "fit to work" and diagnosed me with the equivilant of being clinically unlikeable - but it seems I attract bullys from the online autistic community as well. My Special Interests are so specialized that only a few people here understand what I am talking about and now that I have shared a little about myself the Bullies have figured out that I only have a few other people with anything in common with me and have started stalking my threads because they know I have no one backing me up so it's okay to single me out and ruin any opportunity to connect with people who might want to get to know me.

Since I started posting here I have been told I should be sterilized, I deserve to be killed (because they don't like my hobby?!) - and have only confermed that I am pretty much too big a dork to deserve to exist. Thankyou Wrong Planet I guesse someone finnally needed to get that message through my thick ret*d head. But I get it now - even if I tried to find a few people who shared my interests the bullies would find me and ruin it where ever I go - high school, workplace, wrong planet . . . it's all the same - I'm too different to be welcome anywhere. Meybe I should take the advice from the wrong planet folks and go put a bullet in my head.