Do You Get Scared When People Wanna Be Friends w/You?

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I find this often happens to me. I wonder about their true inentions and what they want me to do. Just now one of my students- a lovely lady I always have good conversations with- asked me to have a drink with her sometime. I said yes and gave her my email. She mailed me and now I'm freaking out! I really don't understand why. She's a very nice lady.

When they WANT to be friends with me, no. When they think they want to be friends with me but don't know me well enough to come to a conclusion on that, a bit.

Yes, I usually do. Especially now that I am getting older. Because I'm getting older but my social skills stay the same. I can be around my nine year old brothers friends and it often feels like they are picking up on things that are flying over my head

This, or well when people I don't get along with suddenly start to be nice to me. I usually respond to that with the same kind of malice I've come to expect from them.

I get very nervous around anyone between the ages of 11-17

i usually believe that whom ever is trying to be friendly with me is trying to get one over on me. I have no trust what so ever.

Last edited by Todesking on 01 Jul 2010, 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, I can't believe someone would just wanna hang out with me for no reason at all!

Yes me too. I'm sure I've missed out on what could have been good friends many times because I was looking for the 'ulterior motive' instead at the time. People don't hang around long when they can tell you don't trust them from my exp.

Peace ellomo

WOAH! Hold on a moment! You said it was a *STUDENT* of yours? Between 11-17???



Dude, I don't know about where you live, but there I come from, that's pedophilia. Just back out before your in too deep.

Nobody wants to hang out for no reason at all. Hanging out takes time and time (and gas, if there is transportation involved) is money. So someone has to make a decision of is it worth my time? The 'ulterior motive' is what decides this. Maybe they like your cynical humor, your chest, your anime collection, your videogames, your CDs, or whatever. It's up to you to figure out what it is and make judgement on if it's worth your time.

I get scared when people want to be friends with me for the same reason I'd be scared if a meteor crashed near my house. It almost never happens.

But anyways, if something like that did happen I wouldn't really know what to say or do because I just don't make new friends very often. I also wouln't be sure what to expect.

It's worrying about the possible sinister motives that I always find I'm looking for are the biggest problem. And I suck at seeing them even when I'm looking for them and they are there, so find it very hard to let the guard drop. I can only sympathize with you unfortunately not offer advice.

Peace ellomo

Last edited by ellomo on 01 Jul 2010, 1:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

TERRIFIED. Not sure exactly why. Maybe because I tend to screw up friendships in the long term. I can appear outgoing and calm sometimes in the short term, especially when I expect to meet new people: job interviews, parties, meetings for things, out shopping, that sort of thing. But most people want WAY too much attention from me in the long term (phone calls, last-minute visits, lots of big get-togethers with other people in busy places). I can sometimes fake my way through a small talk convo..but I run out of things to say FAST. And not many understand why I go through periods where I am totally not interested in seeing or talking to anyone (they think I'm blowing THEM off, like it's personal). I find I am less scared and do better making friends if we share an interest.

But, even though I get really scared sometimes I really try and force myself into situations that will make me meet people. Sometimes it's successful, sometimes it REALLY isn't. Again, if it involves something I am interested in it goes much easier (like you and this lady have the class and the subject, so there's that). I would just try and relax and talk about what you like, ask her what she thinks too though (I tend to overtalk and not listen). Hey, she reached out to you and that was probably difficult. So, I guess, meet her halfway

Hey, congratulations on your new potential friend...that's awesome that you even got that far when it can be so tough for us to get to that point. I hope you will give her a call sometime when you feel able to do it. I would be seriously happy for you to hear down the road that you found a new buddy.

I get more like, I don't know, cynical & guarded, when in such a situation, not wanting to have anybody waste my time, effort, or worst of all, hope in people in general. But I recognize that my thinking in this area is wrong & counterproductive; and I am really making an aggressive effort lately to get myself to take lessons & group hobbies to try to counteract my problem.

my daughter goes to nursery and one of the mums said to contact her over the summer so she (my daughter) could hang out with her daughter from nursery. im pleased for my little girl but i really dont know how im going to cope with the social aspect. i can manage talking to doctors / therapists / shrinks ok and at interviews but everyday people and their circle of friends are scary.

I would not be scared, I would be suspicious. I think that the very kind of person who feels they need to ask for my friendship is almost by definition not the kind of person I could be friends with.

For me friendship is not something you can be formal about. It just happens or it does not. And I am very picky so it does not happen often.