Do people think you don't know what your talking about?

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nick007
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07 Nov 2010, 10:01 am

I'm not sure if this is an Aspie thing or not but people often tell me that I do not know what I am talking about when I really do. It happened a lot at work & at school. It happens quite often with my family. My parents used to complain a lot about how I don't talk much & that I need to talk more but when I try to participate in a discussion; they get mad & tell me to be quiet because I do not understand what they are talking about. If people would actually listen to me they might find I have a lot I can contribute to the discussion but people tend to get very frustrated with me & ignore me or tell me to leave em alone, to shut-up, to go somewhere else ect because they assume that I'm talking out of my a$$ when I really do know what I am talking about. Do other Aspies have this problem :?:



jagatai
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07 Nov 2010, 10:42 am

Sort of... Actually when I start to talk at lenght, after a bit, I start to question whether I know what I'm talking about. Usually what happens is I start off with some assurance that I know my subject, but as I face the blank stare of the person I am talking to, I get the feeling that they either don't understand me or they are thinking "what an idiot!" The result is I question myself, my voice falters and I become increasingly unsure of myself.

I think the effect of this is that even if people thought I knew what I was talking about to begin with, they start to think I am clueless because of my increasing nervousness and uncertainty.


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leejosepho
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07 Nov 2010, 10:46 am

nick007 wrote:
... when I try to participate in a discussion; [my parents] get mad [or at least angry] & tell me to be quiet because I do not understand what they are talking about.

That is not your fault. Whether or not you are an expert on anything, those kinds of comments from them only reveal some of their own issues.


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wornlight
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07 Nov 2010, 10:52 am

they might say it, but they have no credibility in my mind. only i know whether or not i know what i am talking about. i think what they mean is that they do not know what i am talking about. there are also times when people seem to think that i know what i am talking about even though i am sure that i do not.



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07 Nov 2010, 11:03 am

My family loves satire and makes fun of each other on a regular basis. before a few days ago i havent really seen them and dont care too all much anymore, familys are ghey.

my moms husband "chimo" guess what that stands for :roll: is still going to his sex addiction meeting 3 times a week and shes all like OH well! i'm still married to the clown because he makes good moneys :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:


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nick007
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07 Nov 2010, 11:03 am

leejosepho wrote:
nick007 wrote:
... when I try to participate in a discussion; [my parents] get mad [or at least angry] & tell me to be quiet because I do not understand what they are talking about.

That is not your fault. Whether or not you are an expert on anything, those kinds of comments from them only reveal some of their own issues.


It's not just my parents. It's been like that with lots of people in my life so I don'[t really think that they have issues. I think it could be related to them being NT & me being AS. Maybe I say stuff in an odd way or something :? People also sometimes think I'm mentally retorted or stupid because of the way I act & stuff so maybe people simply assume that I can not understand



leeloodallas
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07 Nov 2010, 11:38 am

Happens to me all the time. You're probably saying things that they don't want to hear or admit.



Kenjuudo
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07 Nov 2010, 12:02 pm

I think the reason is the explanation of everything in too much detail. It tends to get too complicated and deviates too much off the main topic and becomes boring to the listener. Most of the time, people don't really need an exact explanation, but the contours - or general idea. Most people should be capable of filling in the missing pieces of information by themselves - using a combination of logic, experience and fantasy. This is actually perfectly okay at any level, because absolute understanding is impossible anyway.

The trick is to assume the listener has enough intelligence to figure out how you came to your conclusions by themselves. If you give them this opportunity, they will stay interested (as in able to contribute), and will actually ask questions where too much information is missing.


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Moog
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07 Nov 2010, 12:02 pm

Most people think I know what I'm talking about, but I'm just pulling things from who knows where.


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devark
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07 Nov 2010, 12:25 pm

People that know me know I don't just say something because "I think its true" but more because I've researched the given topic to death and then some xD . On the other-hand, people who don't know me seem to be a little more skeptical.


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07 Nov 2010, 12:32 pm

I've found this weird situation where people find out you have AS, so they understand you can be quite intelligent/smart whatever, so they either try and compete OR they just criticize you, in the end I don't get it because I know I'm no smarter than anyone else and it really bugs me when people take this attitude, it's like they know you are different but can never accept it.



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07 Nov 2010, 12:32 pm

leejosepho wrote:
nick007 wrote:
... when I try to participate in a discussion; [my parents] get mad [or at least angry] & tell me to be quiet because I do not understand what they are talking about.

That is not your fault. Whether or not you are an expert on anything, those kinds of comments from them only reveal some of their own issues.


I agree with leejosepho ^^.

Usually people know I know what I'm talking about but I don't talk much, mostly because other people hog all the talk time. I just let them go. It's been like this for years and they, none of them, seem to notice that I actually don't contribute that much to conversation. I'm honored by someone who listens to me.



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07 Nov 2010, 1:44 pm

I have been in situations where I did not know what I was talking about but I used big words and filled myself with confidence as I spoke and NTs believed me. :lol: I did this to win an argument with a co-worker to back up what I was saying with manufactured facts so I would win the argument. The idiot came in the next day with his laptop and showed the other co-workers what I said was BS but they still believed me over him because anyone can write anything on wikipedia. Even with the facts shown to them NTs believed what they wanted to believe. 8) They are like sheep.


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07 Nov 2010, 2:50 pm

nick007 wrote:
leejosepho wrote:
nick007 wrote:
... when I try to participate in a discussion; [my parents] get mad [or at least angry] & tell me to be quiet because I do not understand what they are talking about.

That is not your fault. Whether or not you are an expert on anything, those kinds of comments from them only reveal some of their own issues.


It's not just my parents. It's been like that with lots of people in my life so I don'[t really think that they have issues. I think it could be related to them being NT & me being AS. Maybe I say stuff in an odd way or something :? People also sometimes think I'm mentally retorted or stupid because of the way I act & stuff so maybe people simply assume that I can not understand


It could be your mannerisms or conduct. Ones that don't have knowledge will use intuition to "feel" their way out here. If you are unorthodox and don't gesture much and use litte/none intonation; it may seem you don't believe it yourself, and hence they are not convinced.

If you are asynchronous in your M.O.; a caution 'bells' with folks. It could be a bias with the things that you do.

My self included with this at times.

(It's a breath of fresh air to find someone who will treat you different ,as they are on the same page as you.)



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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07 Nov 2010, 2:54 pm

Sometimes I don't know what I'm talking about and others can be clueless as well. Other times I know about something while others don't. I get corrected when I am mistaken and I tell others when they are incorrect. If someone tells me I don't know what I am talking about, I ask them why they say that, what do they know about it?



leejosepho
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07 Nov 2010, 3:04 pm

nick007 wrote:
It's not just my parents. It's been like that with lots of people in my life so I don'[t really think that they have issues. I think it could be related to them being NT & me being AS.

Are we talking about actual, factual knowledge of things, or are we talking about philosophical stuff or mere opinions? If you do not mind, maybe you could offer a couple of examples here. Or if you are not living out on your own, and that is fine, maybe some people are simply comparing actual experience or experiences.

nick007 wrote:
People also sometimes think I'm mentally retorted or stupid because of the way I act & stuff so maybe people simply assume that I can not understand

There are many possibilities, but what other people might think does not change the things we actually know.


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