Why don't people adopt vs having kids.

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Yes, I know the obvious answer. To pass on your genetics. However, I get tired of people who claim that having kids is for selfless reasons. Why not adopt?

-The world's population is increasing exponentially

-There are plenty of asperger and NT kids alike in adoption homes.

I would adopt, but I don't think social services would allow me too. Aspie, bipolar and schizo affective. Not really what they're looking for in a resume.

I always wonder the same thing. Maybe people think that having a child that doesn't share their genes isn't as "special" as having one who does.

One of my mom's coworkers is frustrated because she keeps trying to get pregnant but it's just not happening. She's been to the doctor and everything and neither she nor her husband have fertilization issues. I'm always tempted to tell her, "If you want a child so badly you should adopt one, 'cause there's thousands who need a home." I also want to say the same thing to people who undergo fertilization treatments of any kind.

I feel the same way about pets: if people want to get a dog or cat, they should adopt one from an animal shelter instead of getting one as a puppy/kitten and supporting unnecessary breeding. I've adopted cats from animal shelters before and it was a very rewarding experience.

adoption is VERY expensive. cheaper to have your own. its like going out to eat when you can cook at home.

not to mention, the at home version is easier and more fun to get the process started =P

levity aside, there are tons of kids who need homes. but the reality is that a lot of them come with baggage, like physical or emotional dysfunctions, etc. when you have your own, its a better chance at a clean slate. not to mention, most people when they want kids, they want a baby, and babies are very hard to come by in adoption.

i would consider adoption in a heartbeat if i could afford it and thought my family could pass the rigorous psychological screenings. im pretty sure they'd think we are too poor and crazy tho. luckily, neither poor or crazy are barriers to getting pregnant, so i had my own.

- Much probably, the population is not "increasing exponentially" in the countries where the people you are thinking live

- And I am not much sure that world's population is increasing exponentially

Because it's just not the same. I'm not sure how to explain it in a concrete way.

My husband has two children and I have always been very protective of them to the point where it would cause me tremendous grief. I have never approved of how they were being raised by their mother. I also had expectations of them that I thought were totally reasonable. With my son, things have been different. Things aren't as black and white as they seemed and I have a very different bond with him. I think really that it's chemical more than anything - I don't understand it at all. I carried him and I can still remember vividly how that felt. It's very very different.

If you think that you can adopt that's a wonderful thing. Just like having kids, I think many people adopt for the wrong reason. I wouldn't consider doing it at this point in my life. I have a lot more patience for my son than I ever did for my step-kids (though I can see that now and I am much gentler with them as a result). I often feel badly about that.

If people behaved rationally, they would perhaps adopt. But people are by and large irrational, often only using their reasoning skills to justify irrational behavior. Also, pure rationalism dictates passing your genes to the next generation as the most logical choice. Adoption is altruistic and 'expensive' in an evolutionary context. This is especially true of adopting outside your family circle or "tribe".

No arguments here. I get tired of hearing how selfish I am for not wanting children. Having children is a selfish choice too.

Also, some people just feel really strongly about wanting their own child that they gave birth to. They seem to feel they'd miss out on something if they adopted an existing child.

For the above I think why not combine? Have your own child and adopt one so your bio child has a sibling. If everyone did that there would be a lot less kids in neglectful adoption homes and a lot less hurt in the world.

One of my former co-workers was denied adopting child because he had a siezure disorder. I knew him for 9 years and never saw him have a siezure. He and his wife finally had a child by accident. They gave up on adopting and making one themselves then one day they got lucky creating a child when they just having fun and really trying.

Assuming that you mean that these kids are awaiting adoptive homes, they are older children, and therefore have lots and lots of issues. Most people who want to have children, want to start with babies. There are not many babies available for adoption, and it is very, very expensive to go through the process to adopt babies. It also tends to take a long time - many, many years.

There are reasons why people prefer to start with babies, and they are reasonable: It is much, much easier to raise a child from birth than to start "in the middle," after a child is not only several years old, but has suffered multiple traumas. All children who are "available for adoption" have suffered multiple traumas. For them to have come into the system, they went through whatever trauma(s) brought them to the attention of the children and youth agency, they were removed from their birth family, and they were often shifted from one family to another while under the care of the agency. They will then go through the additional trauma of moving from the family with whom they are currently living to go to their new family. They will not believe that the new family will really be their permanent, forever family, and all too often, it turns out not to be - there are, sadly, many "failed" adoptions, where the family "returns" the child to the children and youth agency.

Not everyone who wants to be a parent is prepared to be a parent to a child who has been through these traumas, and it is wrong for someone to take on the responsibility if they are neither prepared for nor committed to seeing it through. Parenting a child who has experienced the kind of trauma that children who come through "the system" have experienced is hard work - it is also extremely rewarding and can be very joyful, but it is not just like having a child of one's own, and should never be undertaken as if it were.

When you raise a child from birth, you know what the "landmines" are - you were there when scary things happened. When you raise a child who came to you from an older age, you are navigating a mine field with no map - things can set off explosions, and you will have no idea why or what. The child may not be able to tell you why something scared him/her, either, but you may still have an inexplicably terrified child and you may not even know what triggered the terror. Getting to know a child, who is your child, at age 5 or 8 or 12, is very different from getting to know an infant! The trust needs to be developed on both ends, and that has to be very scary for a child who has no reason to trust ... anyone.

These extra "layers" of complication have a lot to do with why people don't easily choose to adopt all those "waiting" children. People know their own limitations, and they don't think they, and their families, can handle the stress that the children would bring to their lives. It doesn't mean each child doesn't deserve a permanent, loving family - each child does. Unfortunately, our society doesn't make it easy for families to obtain the supports they need when children require more than typical, and as can be seen here on wrong planet, so many parents feel isolated and desperate when their children need help. Prospective parents worry about bringing a child into their family when they know that the child will need supports that they, the parents, will have trouble accessing - and the vast majority of children adopted "through the system" do need significant supports, especially during adolescence.

Fixed.

Well, that would explain how screwed up our system is


As someone who presently cant afford/doesn't want kids.....I would never adopt if I went that route.

Why do people keep having so many kids, the planet is too full already.

Our system is pretty screwed up, but believe it or not, it is improving. Slowly. Adoptive parents are being told more about their children, so they aren't being blind-sided as much as they used to be. Insurance companies are starting to be required to cover more mental health issues.

You're young yet - you could change your mind about kids!

Well, my first objective is to obtain a better job in the medical field........like respiratory therapist.........x-ray tech. We will see what happens from there. However, I have always wanted a professional job with responsibilities...and to be a really jacked guy...

I'm about halfway to becoming a really big dude....im in decent shape now.





To all the male aspies here: The better the job/more muscles you have....the better society treats you....or is at least forced to treat you.


I noticed that when I started at 130 pounds and went to 170...people treated me better. It's just how it is.



If you don't want to be bullied.....obtain what the bullies have to protect yourself. Bullies prey on the weak....not the strong

Because it's expensive. Did you see the price on adoption? Adopting foster kids are the cheapest but lot of them usually have problems and are messed up from their parents and it take lot of patience ans therapies to fix it. Most people want a baby. I wouldn't want to bring home an older child that is already messed up either. Yeah I am one of those bad guys.

I would adopt if it wasn't so expensive, (it costs more than buying a car) and if my husband didn't want a kid of his own. I think they only want rich people to adopt so they made it so expensive figuring if you can't afford it, you can't afford to care for them.

That's a way to keep lot of people from adopting because they just don't make that much money. But yet I knew someone online who's mom is a teacher and she adopted two kids and she is single and never married. I know teachers don't make big bucks from their job so I wonder how she affforded it? She did international adoption which is the most expensive adoption there is.

Then there is all this red tape you have to go through when you go through adoption. It's not as easy as it looks. You have to create a profile to impress the birth mothers and they get to choose who wants to be parents of their child. I don't think anyone would pick my husband and I because we live in a apartment and our income isn't high and also the fact it's too expensive to adopt. At least having your own kid is cheaper because you make the baby and carry it for nine months and then deliver him and he is yours. There is free health care for pregnant women if they have no health insurance and people who already have health insurance through work, their insurance covers it but not all of it so the parents have to pay for some of it.

And it can take years to adopt a child. Sometimes people finally have a baby and then the birth mother decides to take their baby back and try raising it or the mother has the baby and decides to keep it and bam the people are bummed out because they were ready to have that baby. I am sure there is a deadline for when the mother can decide till to take her baby back. I can't imagine the child being five years old and then the mother decides to take him back to be his parent because she finally feels ready to have kids.

Even getting pregnant can be just as hard because it sometimes also takes people years to have a child of their own after trying. Some women have problems with fertility and then they have to go into treatment for it or a miracle happens and they are finally pregnant. Plus sometimes it's the man that is infertile, not the woman so she be having a hard time getting pregnant. Some people can't afford fertility treatment nor adoption so they are screwed so they never have kids. If it weren't for me being fertile and my husband, we would never have kids.