AWKWARD work interaction: how "normal" is this??

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I posted a thread not that long ago about a bizarre comment directed at me be a coworker (variation of "you're so quiet") and now I'm working at a different job assignment than I was at that time. Also since going on the autism diet between then and now I've strangely become much more sociable and assertive/confident, and several times now I've actually started to ENJOY (! !) random small-talk. For the first time in a while I'm actually not getting stupid complaints of how I don't talk enough.

This one earlier today really threw me for a loop though, and I have a difficult time imagining that even most NTs would have perceived this as a normal everyday conversation starter!.. The guy, who's just really loud and obnoxious in general, just unfortunately happens to sit next to me earlier today and shortly after asking me my name he asks "so you ever go to the strip clubs dawg?" (totally casual and not joking, I might add) and I just reflexively give him sort of a disgusted look and a surprised "no...".

That's not even enough for him. Then he gets this perplexed look on his face and goes, "what, you've NEVER been to a strip club?" so I'm getting kind of impatient already and reply, "no, of course not.. that's sick". He gets taken aback by this and finally stops trying to talk about it. He was still being pretty obnoxious the rest of the day but luckily we get to wear headphones if we want to.

Anyway, I'm wondering how others probably would have reacted to this. I just can't imagine most people even would have found it appropriate.

Some heterosexual men try to bond with other men by making lewd sexual comments about women. It's considered being one of the boys. In telling him that his going to sex/strip clubs was sick, you effectively judged him to be beneath you morally. He won't like that. If he's ornery, he may retaliate by making comments about your being priggish and stuck-up.

Maybe the guy was only trying to discuss his special interest....

I have noticed a big difference in avoiding gluten, all dairy products and all food additives. It does seem to change your persona, and you start to feel normal and assertive. As if the fog cloud has finally cleared. But it is never consistent for me, a good day followed by two bad ones.

This guy you mention seems to be testing you out for a reaction. Just ignore it.

Last edited by Aspieallien on 12 Nov 2010, 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

One way I hid my true self was to
MAKE some kind of comment up like
"I tried 'em but the women are all [<insert your
favourite 'excuse' here.>] "

Examples you can use:

Too skanky
Not classy enough
Too fat
Too skinny
Too beanhatchy
Too young
Too old


Being glose midned does help sometimes.

His question wasn't appropriate in that setting and you handled it the right way.

Maybe if he worked at some blue collar job I could see it taking place on a break, but not in an office while you're working.

Men who usually ask such questions to other men do so because they are trying to establish some common ground on a somewhat distorted perception of masculinity.

Some people define themselves by their sex because they have some underlying insecurities, so they try their best to conform to their perception of gender stereotypes. He wants people to think he's a macho guy, that he likes guy things, and in his mind, going to a strip club is a normal guy thing, even though most men don't go to strip clubs....at least not regularly.

But in his mind, him going to strip clubs makes him an ultra macho guy, which places him very far from what he doesn't want to be perceived as...girly or gay.

That is also why he called you "dawg". HOWEVER, he is probably not a leader in this mentality. If he were in a group of men who he was aware didn't enjoy going to strip clubs, and instead liked cooking and gardening, he'd probably be into...or pretend to be into, cooking and gardening.

At least that is my take.

I'd be uncomfortable too.

To be honest he sounds like a pig. I wouldn't worry about trying to be kind or friendly to someone like that. Even if he's trying to "bond" with you.

It was the only way I could shut him up at that point. I even tried being polite at first and responded with a simple "no" (though I was visibly surprised/disgusted). But he just couldn't let it go after that, much less get the hint that I found his comment inappropriate, so he had to drag things out and act like it was soooo shocking that a guy had never been to a strip club.

haha yeah

A guy did something similar to me but it was with e-mail. I was really upset and it made me nervous. It was weird.

Also when I told him "no, that's sick" two women sitting adjacent to us just burst out laughing. He'd been making a spectacle of himself trying to hit on them like the whole day too, so I think they appreciated it.

Did you respond to the email?

Yeah, no kidding.. especially being right in front of women at the time like we were.

Io wrote

He wanted to talk to me about it in real life. I don't know what I did but eventually he stopped. I was mad at him and probably tried to ignore him when he said anything to me about it. I didn't know what to do.

Hello Io

I agree with you, his comment was inappropriate. However Mollytroubletail is right (and others), but it also wasn't the right place to ask such a question, especially asking a person he didn't even really know, and I can understand that being surprised by the question it was difficult to hide your feelings about it. Hopefully that guy will just let it go and understand that you are not necessarily interested in the same things as him.

Good luck to you

Shadi