Living with roommates when you have AS

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alexptrans
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16 Nov 2010, 11:54 am

I've been living on my own since I left my parents' place, I've never lived with roommates, but recently I'm thinking about giving it a try. Has anyone here ever lived with roommates? What was it like? Did you enjoy it? What should I look for in a roommate? On one hand the possibility is exciting, on the other I'm not sure I'd be able to manage, so I would like to hear some opinions.



chaotik_lord
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16 Nov 2010, 12:33 pm

I hate living with roommates and miss living alone.

Make sure that your roommates are quiet people who aren't going to have people over frequently, and who are understanding about your needs. Otherwise, you are just asking for trouble, because some people will view your needs as preferences rather than necessities and will try to negotiate or compromise.

Find someone whose lifestyle preferences are compatible with yours (what hours do you keep? how clean should the house be? etc.)

Also, look for someone with a steady income and a good rental history.



bee33
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16 Nov 2010, 1:12 pm

I would not be able to live with a roommate who wanted me to stop and chat with them every time I saw them in the apartment. I need a roommate who will understand when I don't even say hello to them, so it has to be someone who is also quiet and values their own privacy.



Bunneth
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16 Nov 2010, 1:37 pm

I've lived in 2 different shared houses, both with at least 4 other people. The trick is to make sure you have something in common with them; at the time I was really into Hard House clubbing and everyone I shared with was too, so it didn't matter that I had my music playing all the time because they did too.

In both houses I also managed to get at least 1 hour alone a day, partly by luck because my jobs at the time meant I finished work and got home first but also because I liked to tidy up when I got home, so my roommates quickly learned that the later they got home, the cleaner the house would be.

But sometimes though I still would feel a bit overwhelmed, so at times like that I just used to go out for a long walk and maybe get some food shopping for the house while I was out, or I'd just tell everyone that I was tired and would spend the evening/day in my room.

This was before I was diagnosed with AS or even suspected I had it, so obviously I never mentioned it to them and can't give advice as to whether you should or not.



League_Girl
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16 Nov 2010, 2:15 pm

I never had a room mate and never wanted one. I was afraid they'd steal from me or make messes or keep me up or bug me with the noise they make, have too much people over.

If I had a room mate who was quiet and anti social and didn't make lot of noise and stayed out of my hair and they weren't slobs, that be perfect for me. Plus if they are very honest.



Philologos
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16 Nov 2010, 2:20 pm

Even gregarious NTs have to be selective about roommates - my brother, no crazed loner, had some bad experiences.

KNOW your roommate before it starts - you need to KNOW you will give each other right kinds of support or distance.

You need to KNOW who will do / pay his share.

I have roommated ONLY in marriage and short term at conferences [ugh]



j0sh
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16 Nov 2010, 2:21 pm

I didn't have my own place until I was 30. I lived with roommates from age 19-30. My stress levels went WAY down once I finally got my own place. I was scared of being alone, but found it was SO much better than living with others, after I adjusted.



SuperApsie
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16 Nov 2010, 3:05 pm

I had 8 roommates, for durations between 1 month and 5 years. Mostly positive experiences.

You need to know the person, and if possible, the people that he/she knows, then it's about your feeling. You will have to give up on half of your peace, share half of the duties and the middle is not that clear cut.


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LostAlien
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16 Nov 2010, 4:01 pm

I have had many negitive experiences with sharing. I agree with SuperApsie though, you have to know the person and their friends really well. Also, they have to understand your needs as needs.



alexptrans
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16 Nov 2010, 4:18 pm

After reading the replies, I think this may not be the very best idea for now. I don't have suitable people who I know well enough to be my roommates.