How to talk to someone...

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Who doesn't speak!

This is a blog post on my blog, so it's going to read... like a blog.

1. Only give me one idea at a time. It boggles me to have to respond to multiple ideas.

2. Please don't interrupt while I'm typing with new ideas. This confuses me; do you want me to respond to idea 1 or idea 2? I don't think you know, really, and of course neither do I.

3. Don't get weirded out if one of us refers to "talking." I do talk. Sometimes I talk with my voice, and other times I talk with my iPod. It's all talking.

4. Don't expect a normal pace of conversation. I type fast, but not as fast as you talk. Patience, grasshopper.

5. Don't be surprised if I sound somehow different when I'm typing. When I type, I am better able to express my feelings, wants, and needs... I will tell you if you've upset me or done something wrong; I will ask you to please stop this or that; I will tell you that something hurt my feelings. This is all normal to discuss, just maybe not what you're used to from me.

6. Don't tiptoe. If you bug me or upset me, chances are I'll tell you (or, more likely, hold my hand up)... point is, you'll know if I don't like it.

7. Normal rules of conversation apply. You talk, I talk, you talk, I talk.

8. Also, just talk normally! Most (not all) of the time, my receptive language skills aren't that bad (not average, but not horrible, either). If you're going to fast or if it's too noisy for me to understand... guess what?... I'll tell you!

9. Silence is OKAY! If you talk and then it's silent while I type, please don't keep talking... this will keep me from typing!

10. If you don't understand the device (because Heather- sorry, my Heather, but that's her name- can be tough to understand), just say, "Sorry, didn't catch that" or similar. I prefer not to just let you read because that takes away my voice, but in a pinch, that does.

11. Don't talk around, over, under, through... you get the idea... me. I'm here, I can't talk. Don't direct questions to whomever I'm with, and please don't engage my mom or staff in extended conversation and just leave me out to dry. If you slow down and give me a sec, I can join in, too.

12. Please don't grab my iPod for any reason!

13. I do not like to be shown off. I am a perfectly normal 23-year-old girl, and I like to be treated like one and not a spectacle.

14. That whole finishing my sentences thing? So over that. Not okay.

15. Don't try to tell me that "it's just me!" or "you don't have to be anxious around me!" or anything similar. When I talk, I can talk. When I can't, I type. You don't need to be worried about why I'm doing what at whatever time. Most of the time, I have no idea why or when I'll have or lose words. Just go with it; that's what I do.

So, you use an app from your iPod that talks out what you type when you feel you can't adequately speak with your own voice? Interesting. Could you tell me what app it is? Not that I'd use it myself, but I could recommend it for those with the same issue.

Also, do certain times or subjects or people make it harder for you to speak verbally? Is it something you can predict?

I use Speak It.

I have, according to the doctor, a conversion disorder... specifically, stress or anxiety causes my body to respond by losing speech rather than just saying "I'm anxious" or "I'm stressed." The physical symptoms are very real, but they have a psychological cause. This has happened since I started to speak around age 2, and it has gotten worse with age to the point that I am now minimally verbal. I think that selective mutism plays a role as well, as I speak best around my mom and my most-often-here staff person.

Nothing makes it easier or harder (except if it's my mom or one staff), and there is no predicting. When words come out, I'm as surprised as anyone else is!

People do this a lot, and everyone who doesn't communicate "normally" needs to eventually get used to it. Not that you shouldn't gently correct people, but accept that it takes time for people to become used to alternate modes of conversation. This is especially true if they are neurotypical and not associated with the Deaf community. It is almost always because the person is so used to one method of communication that they can't process this new method even after being told to speak directly. Think about how long it takes you to get used to doing something in a completely different way, patience works both ways.

The rest of the list doesn't apply to everyone who doesn't talk. For example, I prefer to have people read what I type rather than send it through a text-to-voice, I don't pretend to have an audible "voice." Perhaps the fact that you can speak sometimes (whereas I am fully nonverbal) makes a difference, but even so no two nonverbal people will be the same.

Perhaps a better title would be "How to talk to SuperTrouper."

First of all, this list's original purpose is for my friends and family who don't know what to do with me when I type. I just thought it might, in parts, be useful to people here, too. No one's going to take it word-for-word, and if you'd like people to communicate with YOU a certain way, then feel free to spread that word too. You're right in that this isn't true of everyone, just me.

No offense was intended, just that there's so few nonverbal autistics here that I thought it was good to point this out directly. People very often take such lists "word-for-word", as you say, to apply to everyone in a particular category. Those who've met me and know no other autistics regularly assume I'm a 99-100% representation of a nonverbal autistic even though I am not, if only because I have very little to "say" to anyone. (I mostly save my words for my online journal.)

People have so very much to learn. And when I say people, I include myself, because I'm sure I'm guilty of making sweeping generalizations all the time. But is it ever annoying when you're on the receiving end of such generalizations.

It doesn't bother me, but it does happen at least 90% of the time I choose to interact with people. Interesting to me, people in-person make the "nonverbal=ret*d or without a soul/mind or has nothing to say" generalization (the last of which is usually true) while people on the Internet make the "can write=not nonverbal or not autistic or just lazy" generalization, about me. I don't care about people in general and very few people have any impact on me, so it doesn't matter much to me.