Repeating things

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So I told my wife I loved her when we got married 27 years ago. Why do I have to keep telling her?

Clearly a rhetorical question, since something like that needs reinforcement in her reality. But in my mind, because I told her then and nothing has changed there is no need to keep repeating it. I said it. I meant it. Done. So when she asks "Do you love me", I actually have to struggle to say something appropriate. My mind is thinking, "Well DUH! I told you that already!". So I have to think of something, and there is the dreaded delay between purging the "Well DUH" from my chain of thoughts and coming up with something better suited to the relationship. The pause makes me seem insincere.

Then there are the times when what I come up with seems good but is ultimately as bad "Well DUH!"

Is this literal thinking in action?

I reckon the bit that I highlighted in the quote is one of the reasons why your wife likes to hear you saying that you still love her, wavefreak58. Many people start wondering or even doubting that a feeling like love is still there and unchanged. Maybe your wife just wants to make sure that things indeed haven't changed.

You assume (in a way) that you should inform her if your feelings for her had changed, which is a reasonable assumption. But she probably starts doubting that your silence on the matter means that no change has occured and then she starts wondering whether your not saying anything about the matter means that you just don't care about it (and her) anymore. So she asks you to tell her that things are still the way they were back then.

There are probably some other components to this one, but maybe it would spare you some instances of this situation if you took care to show her your feelings in other ways as well. For example by cooking her favourite food on the weekend (it needn't be perfect, it's the thought that counts here) or by doing the shopping and bringing home not only the heavy bags she has trouble carrying herself, but also a bar of her favourite chocolate or watching her favourite movie with her even though you do not actually like it that much. This kind of things means a lot to many people, even though it may appear not entirely rational at first sight.

I catch myself repeating myself a lot. It happens a lot, when I'm on here. I've told so many stories here, that I start to repeat them all.

While I appreciate your feedback (these are all things I have already figured out, though my execution is wanting), I was really only asking about literal thinking. I was using the question of "do you love me" as a canonical example of how I react and think, how it can cause me problems, and wondering if this pattern is typical among autistics. Knowing that I think this way helps me adapt, but it is a flawed adaptation.

I think this is less an example of literal thinking than it is of theory of mind differences. You say nothing has changed, but, in fact, things change a relationship every day. The nature of emotional connections changes constantly. Unless you tell her, there is no way for your wife to know that events have not changed your connection to her-- you are expecting her to read your mind.

I hadn't considered Theory of Mind as the issue. Interesting. It may me the more correct interpretation. While it is true that much has changed regarding our relationship, the core of what I feel is still intact, so the fact that "I love you" has not changed. While it would be unreasonable to expect, if my wife asked me, "Do you still love me the way you did when we got married?" I could rattle on with a bunch of things about how it has actually changed, deepened and strengthened. This is another pattern in my behavior. If someone asks what the perceive as the same question but ask it in two different forms, I am likely to give them widely different answers.

My wife: Do you love me?

Me: Yes. (thinking - "why does she keep asking that?" - followed by thinking about what she actually is asking for is some comfort.)

My wife: Do you love me more than when we got married?

Me: Yes. (thinking - "That was easy" - followed by wondering if there are blanks I need to fill in and what should I put in them)

My wife: How is our love different than when we first got married?

Me: (long list of things that have changed, how it has been good for me, how what we have is rare ... )

regardless of your theory of mind issues, you seem like a very sweet man to have for a husband
she might not even need the answer in my opinion. she may just be looking for that "feel good" moment of hearing someone say "i love you"to her. So there might be some litteral thinking problem also.
you used the I love you sentence as an example but to be honest i am struggling to find another one. Is there really some other thing that people need repeated as much as "i love you"?

Regarding my wife and I, that is a "big question". There are others that are "small questions".

This thinking pattern is problematic in my job. I regularly misinterpret the intent of a question or statement.