Letting go of normal?

Post Reply New Topic

I find myself getting increasingly exhausted and depressed after working. I think the reason for this is because I put so much energy into appearing normal to co-workers and customers. The thing is I only work 1 1/2 days per week, so I dread to think what it will be like if I worked full time.

I think part of the issue is that I have little in common with my other co-workers. They all tend to be into football, reality TV, etc, whereas I am into computer games and sci-fi. Although I do tend to get on with a few of the older employees. The other issue is that they are all really "normal", but I really only get on well with other odd people. I feel that if I "be myself", that they will reject me even more, and that my employer will find "not being normal" inappropriate.

I wish I could just not care what others thought and be myself. Having to pretend to be normal all day is just too soul destroying. Do any of you have any advice on how to let go of wanting to be seen as normal, and how to stop caring what others think of you?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijSg4NkOIeY&feature=related[/youtube]

I misunderstood the song completely, but it helped me.

Sounds like if you could spend more time with other "odd" people/misfits then it won't matter as much.

Off and on I have thought about being a teacher for the early grades. After working with "special needs kids," the idea of working with NT children is abhorent. I'm sure that there are plenty of pleasant NT children, but I have run into more little obnoxious bullies (who will grow into obnoxious adults) in the mainstream schools.

Maybe a job with more flexibility? For example if you could work say in an office in the off hours just doing data entry. My husband has a job like that. He also worked for a non-profit that helped to place adults with special needs into jobs. It was very fufilling work.

Hope that's helpful.

That's good advice Georgia, and wblastyn I feel exactly the same way - I actually cut my work hours down because I was mentally and physically fried at the end of the week and barely able to function as a person outside of work, although night shift probably doesn't help. I agree too that I always just seem to 'relax' a bit more around odd, strange and interesting people, perhaps it's because the behavioural precedent has been set and our behavioural idiosyncrasies will not stand out so much...? I also find that I expend a lot of energy trying to be invisible in "NT" heavy situations, to mask every aspect of my presence so that it isn't mocked, however playfully.

I liked BumsenDK's (youtuber) term "NT Emulation Kit", like a toolbox we use to function in that world, however the tools are heavy and often cumbersome and require a lot of energy to use effectively.

Do you find that you behave differently with these people if there are "NT"s around too, and that it's easier when it's one-to-one?

Incidentally, menintights that was a great song you posted. Can the 'You' that the singer is not over be the 'attempt to appear normal'?

BumsenDK on Pretending To Be Normal

I've let go of normal, years ago and I've never looked back.

I feel the exact same way. I used to think it was a physical problem, but none of the physical remedies helped. Then I injured myself and could not get to work, at which point I discovered that I could work just as much, if not more, at home and not feel exhausted at all. So my personal solution was to work for myself. It's still difficult, because I always have to be looking for work, but I find it much preferable to being too exhausted to enjoy my own interests all the time.

There is no normal when I go to college. They are all immature prats. My problem is I pretend I'm okay and lie about it, but I'm actually incredibly depressed. No one would ever know, which is the same with my Asperger's, no one knows I have it, I just wouldn't want to say, leaving them very puzzled as to why I'm so quiet

Work in high tech field. Computer geeks are your friends.

Ultimately, by finding validation amongst our own kind of normal and doing some role playing around everyone else ... and yes, there is nothing either easy or simple about that. Most of my family sees me as one kind of nut or another, so I just play into that for them and glean what little I can from those relationships while just being myself only around the very few people I know who are either a bit like me or who at least understand ... and yes, all of that can be very taxing.

Trying to appear to co-workers as their kind of normal is something I abandoned long ago. Every once in a great while I have tossed a dollar into one of their pools or whatever just to let them know I have nothing against them, yet I have told them how silly it seems for everyone to get all worked up over 22 grown men running around knocking each other down out on a football field and then patting each other on the butt for congratulations.

Trying to appear to customers as whatever *they* might be expecting as "normal" is actually something for the boss to decide, so I have always just done my best to greet them and/or to treat them as s/he would have me do.


Since I cannot change what other people think of me anyway, I have come to pretty much accept the fact of that just not even being my business. However, it is certainly helpful to be around people willing to accept others just as they are.

I know what you mean. Back when I was still working, I found it very difficult to be around stodgy normal people, because their normalcy implied judgment. But I found that I was okay when I worked at a place that was owned by an eccentric woman, who treated her employees well and didn't try to squash our personalities. If a customer gave us problems, she would tell them flat out: "If you're going to harass my employees, I don't need your business."

If it's not possible for you to find another job where the people are more like you and more accepting, perhaps you can find a compromise between being yourself all the time and being normal all the time? It may be sufficient just to be polite, saying good morning and thank you, and then just keeping to yourself and doing your tasks.

I never attained normalcy, though I wanted to. I really, really wanted to. I gave up after a while.