Calling customers by first names...

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Or any names I suppose... mostly first names. Anyway, my point:

I've recently become aware that businessy people (as close to aliens as it gets from my perspective) think customers get more attentive and interested if you use their first names. They think they come back more to a business that does this.

That's is so freakin' weird. Are they serious? I realize that I see things totally differently as far as these things go from what many people do, but I personally deeply dislike anyone to use my first name without my leave. So if, as happened recently, a checker at a store sees my information after I scan my card and says, "Okay, Donna, have a good day," I just stop a few seconds in confusion. Why did she call me by name? What is the purpose of this? Is it supposed to make me feel all snuggly? Well, it's just weirding me out.

I don't mind so much if they call me by my last name. It still feels a little weird but it seems proper. I just don't understand why I would want to pay more attention or visit the store more often just because they take liberties with my personal information.

I agree. I do not really care what a bank teller or a cashier or even a salesperson might call me, but using my first name like we are buddies or something without at least first asking is definitely not okay.

Totally agree. I don't want these people even to know my name, let alone call me by my first name. I don't get it as much because I go by my middle name and so credit cards and the like have my first initial followed by middle and last names. Many people don't know what to do with this. Say, "have a great day, R."??? At the other extreme, there's a guy in my office -- an older colleague, not a young subordinate in any way -- that calls me and everyone else in the office Mr. or Ms. [Last Name]. I've seen this guy every day for like four years now! It must be a hold-over from law school, where no one is known by his/her first name. Last names only in class. irishwhistle, maybe that's where you should be headed???

I vaguely realized this a while ago when I had a job where I worked in a room full of people who were on the phone most of the day. Later on it was pointed out to me that for most people, names are really powerful: names can help make a connection with them - so this might be worth trying/practicing if you want to make a connection since its a new idea to you (though don't keep saying their name - that would be too much).

My best guess as to why this was new to me - I think people identify themselves with their names more strongly than I do myself.

I'll add that I don't always feel comfortable using names like this but it can be good to make a connection. I also enjoy doing it with people that I do have a good connection with.

Collections agencies use the power of names to intimidate and upset people. The bill collector will phone you and begin using your name far too frequently, and emphasizing it. This proves that names are important to ordinary people and hold some sort of power over them.

I've always used a legal name and a different personal name. That way, everyone who doesn't have any business calling me by my first name will be using my legal name, and I can ignore them because I do not feel like it's really my name. The only people who know my personal, "real" name are those I've told it to.

If someone called me by my last name I'd be really freaked out, but yeah, when people in shops call you by any name it's weird.

I rarely use names myself - if I am refering to someone else I will use their name, but rarely call people by their names. I just don't tend to use any form of name when speaking to them unless it is really necessary (like attracting their attention). Strangely, the closer someone is to me the less likely I am to use their name. I never called my ex-husband by his name. I didn't realise until he pointed it out (he was quite upset) several years after we met. After I realised I still didn't do it - it felt really awkward and unnatural to call him by his name (and I never called him by any affectionate name either - that would have been even worse). On the other hand, I fairly regularly use the names of people at work, but this may be because it is necessary to attract attention and distinguish who I am talking to when there are several people around.

It would freak me out to have a cashier use my name in a shop - this doesn't tend to happen here, although you do get it if you need to phone up utilities, and that is annoying - I mean if it is just you on the phone, they aren't going to be confusing you with someone else. I am happy with people using my name to attract my attention, and if they add my name onto a morning 'hello', they are more likely to get one back, (I always tend to think general hellos are not aimed at me so don't reply), although if I don't know them well it will bemuse me and it is not something I ever do myself. I was shocked the other day when I rang up someone I know from a group I belong to, to book myself onto something and she answered the phone saying hello and my name - I hadn't considered that she might have put me on her contacts list on her mobile as we are not close friends and only close friends make it onto mine. I hope I didn't offend her by saying how shocked I was (I couldn't think of anything else to say in the heat of the moment - I hate phone talking anyway and this made it worse).

I find it OK for medical staff to use my name. When I was in hospital in France, they always called me Madame and my surname. I found that really weird - very formal, very distant. It didn't make it feel as though they were really caring for me, and most of the time I didn't feel as though it was me they were speaking to, particularly as my surname is pronounced differently in French. It was rather alienating.

It's part of the "we're all the same, buddy-buddy" mind-set that has subsumed good manners over the last few decades. I hate it, too. I much prefer that someone who doesn't know me well call me by my social title (Mrs. or Ms) and last name. Now, though, when I show that kind of respect it seems to bother people who have become accustomed to others being overly-friendly. It's gone the way of saying, "please, sir," and "thank you, ma'am," and I don't think the world is a better place for it.

I agree. I don't like it when cashiers especially, address me by my name at all, first or last. I know they know my name, they know I know they know my name and no one else around me or behind me in line needs to know it. Also, my last name is very often mispronounced, and sometimes, people will ask me how to pronounce it to which I often wonder, "Why do you need that information or why do you care?" because I know they don't. They're just going to forget it in a minute and ask me again the next time I go through their checkout line. Ugh. To me, it goes along with that famous of false niceties, "How are you?" But that's a whole other story...

Relatedly, does anyone freeze up when someone asks you your name? I invariably do. "Your name, please?" Too bad you can't say, "sorry, but it really freaks me out to say my own name. Next question..."

I tend to ignore what people call me. It's what they do that's more important. I don't really care about social conventions involved with what name you call a person.

I'm not too fond of it. It's one of the same problems that I have with eye contact- it feels like the person is trying to force a connection.

I would rather they didn't, unless I know them from somewhere else. I generally think it's an inappropriate level of intimacy for someone who's merely selling me something (or trying to.)