Computer online gaming addiction

Post Reply New Topic

My son is addicted to 'World of Warfare' which is an online game. He has played it for almost a year non-stop except when he has to go to school. He is now a recluse. I have tried bargaining, treatening, etc and nothing works. I am very worried about him, he has AS and is 14yrs old has anyone any suggestions whatsoever as to what I could do or even distract his attention away form this game.

I got addicted to one of them once, and I can tell you the best thing I did was quit. Those things are really addictive, and absolute time-sinks.

I would say you need to limit the time he plays the game. Make it consistent; I'd say about 1-2 hours max a day is decent. Also, you might want to consider rewarding him time for doing things he's been neglecting. I assume all this game-playing is stopping him from studying, doing house-chores and so on. So if he starts taking responsibility for things again, then you could reward him with extra time on weekends. You have to be firm with this. I don't know about your son's temperament but you should not back down. No threats, bargaining or anything - just let him have his time and then get him off.

If he won't budge, threaten to delete the game while he's at school. If he still won't budge, delete it. From what I know this isn't really permanent with online games so you won't be really deleting it forever. It can be restored later on. That might depend on the game though. But you definitely want to consider doing that if all else fails.

You might also want to see if you can redirect some of his energy to other interests of his.

Last edited by Enigmatic_Oddity on 06 Jun 2006, 10:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

http://www.olganon.org/
MMORPG games like World of Warcraft have a reputation for being addictive, do some reasearch and you'll find evidence of that. The games are basically designed to be addictive, and they reward you for the amount of hours played, not skill level. The above link is a 12 step program for online gaming addiction, using the same 12 step program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

That's a good site you have there, Space. It might seem overly-dramatic to some who think 'it's only a game', but it's all true. Don't underestimate how much these games can absorb a person, particularly if their life isn't sunshine and rainbows. They let you play out a fantasy, but many people will end up finding this fantasy to be preferable to the real world.

In fact the more I think about it, the more I think you should just delete the game altogether and impose a complete ban on online games. It might be impossible to try and meet your son halfway, if he's as addicted as you say.

yeah this is a tough one..............he needs to stop..if you agree then a clear unambiguos message to him.. if he get saggressive with you then arrest him lock him up....but clear unambiguos messages us aspies dont take no for an answer.

This is exactly the reason why I will never play an MMORPG, and have sworn to never touch a 4x strategy game again.

(though I have had a few relapses... curse you Hearts of Iron 2!)

I have to disagree with most here and say you should not cut him off cold turkey. Although you should definitely limit his time or make him do his chores/homework before he plays. If he has more than a year invested into that character then he has probably made friends that he plays with frequently, cutting him off with no gradual steps could be devastating.

Since you said he has AS and he spends most of his time on WoW I am going to assume he does not have a whole lot of friends. Making a conservative guess I would say probably half of his close friends are in WoW. Imagine if when you were his age if your parents suddenly told you that you spent to much time with these friends and suddenly you never saw them again. I will assume you are NT and had oodles of friends with which to play.

In addition to suddenly having been cut off from his online friends he will be short of things to do and become bored, while you may think that being bored is better than being addicted you could avoid both by gradually limiting his time more and more until you get it to a healthy level. With him gradually getting weaned off he will have less time to feel bored instead of suddenly having 6 hours of nothing to do every night. Help him find things to do in his spare time. Since he is playing a fantasy RPG he might like to read fantasy/sci-fi books or watch movies in the same genre.

I played Everquest for about 5 years and the first two I was much like your son and I was around his age, as such I do not have kids so you might value my opinion less, but if you get one thing from my post let it be this: WoW and other MMORPG's are not Pong, they are not Pac-Man. They are persistent online worlds in which you can make real friendships and in which the more time you invest the more you have to lose by quitting. Cutting him off suddenly is the worst thing you can do.

Julia, ultimately it's you who'll make the decision on what to do. I think it's important that you understand how harmful these games can be, particularly for people who use it to escape reality. But like Stoke says, it's also likely that he's made some friends in this game, so it might indeed be cruel to take it away from him cold turkey.

So you should probably try to wean him off initially, but if that's just not possible then the game needs to go. There may also be a case of 'out of sight, out of mind', so if you do decide to take this latter path then this will be in your favour.

Interestingly, I've played a lot of games like these and I've found that they aren't all that engaging.

I played World of Warcraft for awhile, but it just didn't seem worthwhile. I also tried out Final Fantasy 11 solely because a friend was into it and I figured it might be fun to play with a regular group. And it kind of was, but that was pretty much the only good part of the game (for what it's worth I had a wonderfully insane group.) I kind of knew I wouldn't maintain interest in it for very long, which is why I hadn't even given it a shot until before then.

City of heros was fun for awhile, mostly because I had an insane character.


So maybe the problem was that I just didn't get interesting enough of interaction



But, all that being said. You might want to consider trying to get your son involved in a gaming group. Often people will get together with their computers, and have one big game together. It's social, and it still involves computer games.

And then there's always stuff like dungeons and dragons. Get's a bad rap, but those sorts of games are great for social development because in addition to having to deal with the rest of your group, you take on different roles.

You might want to consider having him get involved in programming too. While not social, it would help give him a good set of skills. There are also programming groups that meet, and might pass on some good ideas.



I also wouldn't be suprised if the main reason he's addicted to the game in the first place is that the real world is a brutal and cruel place he wants to withdraw from, that as he sees it doesn't have much to offer but suffering.

Thank you all so much for all your suggestions, comments and advice. I have taken them all in and can see alot of guidance. There are times when and have tried to withdraw the internet conection from him altogether but that definitely does not work as like many of you have said he can't cope without some social contact because yes you are right Xuincherguixe he hates the world and hates his life and has basically just withdrawn from it completely.

A few months ago I worked out a timetable for him in order to slowly ease him away from it but Luke is a master at manipulation and is extremely clever at achieving what he whats. He does not follow the normal guidelines given to parents. And of course he somehow got back to almost 24hrs perday playing.

I spoke to him today and he says, he is not addicted it is just that he is so bored and that he is even bored with WoW but has nothing better to do.

I am at my wits end trying to think of things he could do to bring some joy into his life. He use to love animals so I took one of your suggestions and asked if he would like to go to the zoo, but no, nothing, absalutley nothing is of any interest to him.

The latest is that he is 'persuing' and 'hounding' me for a new XBox 360 and a new game called 'Kameo' saying that it will stop him playing WoW. Now that he has this latest idea in his head he will not give up until I am worn down and get it.
Firstly, it is unbelievably expensive, second he has almost every game machine ever made and third, he is probably just kidding me about stopping WoW. But I just don't know what to do? Any suggestions from anyone?

Also Xuincherguixe can you tell me more about how I can contact or find one of these game or programming groups you are talking about? Sounds good but I just don't know if he at this stage if he would be open to anything. But if I knew how to go about it for when the right moment occurs.

To all of you, how long were you stuck playing WoW and what was it that switched you away from it onto something else. Do you think he could just suddenly come out of this terrible phase he is in?

Thank you to you all, Xuincherguixe, Enigmatic_Oddity, Stoke, gsilver, Donkey and Space.

PS. By the way the only other thing he does other than play Wow is watch 'Lost' past episodes of 'Scrubs' and 'South Park'.

ever since i got my computer when i was 16 ive been addicted to online games,playing at least 2 or 3 hours a day and whenever the opportunity came, longer. once i stayed on the computer playing nothign else but yahoo pool for 24 hours, and chatting to my friends in there. its helped a n awful lot with my socialising to be talkin with NTs on the computer. .

but ive never ket the computer stop my education or my getting ajob.. this is the main thing i do when i am at home. and when my parents are out i go and play my drums

i like costume making, and painting aswell.

I was somewhat like your son at his age except for I was mainly into movies and watching television. When my parents bought me a video camera I started making little movies and using my camera and vcr to edit things together. My interest in movies and television eventually led to my career in the entertainment industry. Maybe you can try and get him interested in doing something more constructive like designing video games?

The last thing your son needs is an X-Box!! ! He's manipulating you and it appears you're about to fall for it. Why are you probably going to fall for it? Because you've *ALWAYS* fallen for it in the past. He knows that it's just a matter of time before you'll crack. You seriously need to put your foot down and reassert your role as parent and begin establishing a structure that he will adhere to.

I'm the type that gets easily addicted to video games so I make it a point to rarely buy them. If I bought them, I would play them constantly. It's like junk food - if I buy it I'm constantly munching on it. If I don't buy it I don't miss it all that much. You're buying him an X-Box to get him away from WoW makes about as much sense as buying crack for a heroin addict in hopes of getting him to stop shooting up. You're making no progress by doing that.

You need to find him something, anything, that will provide him with a way to meet people and interact socially. Yes, it's very hard for us Aspies to go out and have social experiences and at times it can be emotionally painful, but his lack of social contact is going to harm him and make everything much more painful for him in the long run.

Today a psyciatrist, after my telling her I was an Aspie, gave me a compliment on how well I was communicating with her. If my parents hadn't pushed me to play sports I wouldn't have met my lifelong friends who have always accepted me despite all of my eccentricities and I would be a COMPLETE socially inept recluse. You don't have to get him into sports, just get him into something where he can meet real friends, not virtual friends.

You sound like a very loving parent who wants to give your son what he wants because you want to see him happy. The thing is, you have to give your child everything he NEEDS, not everything he WANTS. Is your son going to be equipped to take care of himself in the real world when he strikes out on his own? If not, what do you need to do to fix that?

Gradually pull him away from video games. Don't ask him if he wants to go to the zoo. Tell him that you're all going to the zoo and go. His attention from the games needs to be diverted to something else, but with his mind so fixated on them he's going to flat out refuse if you ask. By asking him if he wants to go to the zoo, you're putting him in the drivers seat. YOU'RE the parent, not him. YOU decide what happens.

It's quite possible you might have to see an addiction specialist if this continues to be a problem. This might not just be a phase.

I hope everything works out.

Without knowing where you are I can't be sure that you can find a LAN around your area but the Wikipedia article has some links with info about upcoming LAN's around the globe. If this does not help go to your nearest specialty game shop (such as Gamestop and EB games) and ask about local LAN's. Most of the time they may be able to tell you about them or at least point you in the right direction.

As much as I love my 360 I have to agree and say don't get him one, at least not in the immediate future. Kameo, while a good game, is extremely short and lacking in replay value so if that is the main reason he wants a 360 it could be $350 for 10 hours of gameplay time and then back to WoW

Also you say he has lots of game machines, keep in mind that LAN's are not restricted to computers a lot of them have people playing X-boxes and other consoles that have multiplayer capabilities.

I agree with Goofball. Don't go for the easy option, and don't allow him to manipulate you. It may keep the peace for now but in the long run it's not helping anything. It's just teaching him that manipulative behaviour is a good thing, because it gets him what he wants.

It's times like this that I wish I had something positive to say. Then again, maybe the solution isn't to hold a positive view, but just to accept things for as they are, and make the most of things.


I know what that's like.

I am at my wits end trying to think of things he could do to bring some joy into his life. He use to love animals so I took one of your suggestions and asked if he would like to go to the zoo, but no, nothing, absalutley nothing is of any interest to him.



While I could easily find one of these things that operates online, I wouldn't know about how to go about one that exists physically. Many of them don't even advertise. For LAN groups, you might be able to find one at one of those speciality game shops. For the Dungeons and Dragons sort of thing there's comic book stores (most of them seem to do more then sell comic books). As far as programming groups go, I wouldn't know where to begin. Heck, maybe one of those two places I mentioned might be a good place. Really these sorts of things kind of all go together. (Kind of why I brought them up.)

Somewhat related, one of the reasons I recomend programming to


I wouldn't call it "stuck", but I think about 2 or 3 months? But then I played that like crazy. Again, mostly because there wasn't really anything I had to do. But yeah, I was never really stuck because I could always just turn the thing off. There was no real switch or event. No reason at all really. It got boring, but I kept playing WoW (and others), then one day just stopped.

The thing I really stuck with was a Shadowrun MUSH, I won't get too into the technical details there, but it was this text based internet game. The thing is though that this wasn't limited to just whatever the programmer set things at. You pretty much just said what you want to do, based on some rules. The person in charge sitting at another screen makes some judgements, and gives feedback. In a way it was kind of simple, but the truth is that it was probably the richest online experience I've had. Much more imagination involved. The reason I left THERE was because of a lot of bickering and fighting. I'm actually still very bitter about it. (And even then, I stuck around for a long time. Tried to make things better. )

Don't know if I'd recomend one of those or not, while it was a great experience for me, it might not be for everyone.

Goofball, you are so right. I think I am just completely blinded by the whole situation and probably in a state of panic. I am a single parent and it is times like this that I wish there was a man around as men tend to be able to attach from the emotional side and put things in a more black and white famework. Which is exactly what Luke needs as he is like I said a master at manipulation. I have 2 other children whom I am able to parent in a postivie authoritarian way but when it comes to Luke I am lost.

My fear is that he is at times so depressed that he talks about killing him self and from when he was very young he tended to harm himself, ie scratching his arms until they bled and othr little things. He hates life so much that I would not put it past him especially when he gets a bit older and less fearful of what I say as at the moment I have frightened him so much about killing himself that he won't. I have told him that if he kills himself he just gets lost in oblivion without a body and stuck in his mind. I know this all sounds like I am a complete wierdo but that is the kind of talk he gets deeply into he wants to know all the details etc never satisfied as his borther and sister are with my simple authoritive explanation of ' no you are not allowed'.

He has a very stong will of his own, he is a very likeable person and has never been bullied as people tend to like him but he cannot see this and just does not like himself.

Using my authority to just say we are going and that is it, never works as he is stonger that me now so I cannot just pick him up and go, he just hides or locks himself in a room, then I take the keys away and he takes things in the house of mine or that someone else needs (important things) see he is very clever and knows exactly how to get to everyone and cause mayhem.

Xuincherguixe, I will follow your leads and go down to 'Forbidden Planet' they may have some contacts or point me in the right direction. Another problem is that he says he doesn't want to be a 'nerd' Basically he is in no mans land. He can't run with the masses and doesn't want to be labelled as an oddity.

Today he will hound me all day for this xbox and when I say no, he will try every tactic in the book and more to cause distress for the whole family.

I think I will contact the AS association here and ask for some help. But he refuses to talk to a psychologist.

Question: How does someone with AS get help from a psychologist when they can't communicated with others? He never talks to people let alone strangers, he won't even maintain eye contact and to an outsider it is like dealing with someone with classic autism. It is impossible to get anyfeed back from him as he is unable to articulate his feelings.

Stoke, thanks for the info on 'Kameo' I had these thoughts in my head but you have clarified things for me. I will try the games shops.

Thanks to you all, I can't tell you how much help you are giving me at this difficult time as I have absalutely noone else to discuss things with.