Going out in public with my NT boyfriend

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So I'm a super extroverted type who has accepted that people will make fun of me no matter what I do or don't say. Since I don't care about this (let alone even notice it) I don't make an effort to tone myself down. I go out in public and have a gerat time despite what people say about me. The problem is that my boyfriend hates the way people react to me in public. Since he is NT he is able to pick up on them being annoyed by me, looking at me in a condescending manner, making fun of me in a group, etc. He is not embarrassed by me because he understands me extremely well but he is angry at the way other people don't.

Recently my boyfriend told me to tone down because he couldn't stand to witness me being viewed as circus entertainment. I told him that I don't care if NT's are making fun of me and that I accept this as part of the territory. I would rather have a good time at a party and be oblivious to the reactions of others than not enjoy myself. Since my boyfriend realizes it's important for me to enjoy myself he suggested that he would no longer tell me when people were making fun of me.

I am not sure if this is the solution. Does anybody have any advice?

Keep being yourself and having a good time. Tell your boyfriend that you would rather have fun, than watch out for signs of being made fun of. Tell him that you're not hung up about what others think of you.

It's awesome that you care more about having a great time than about what people think about you. It's also clear you have a pretty cool boyfriend, if he's angry on your behalf but not embarrassed to be with you. Does your group know you have AS? My husband and I started telling our friends I have AS and explaining what it is, people were a lot more accepting. As one friend put it, "That explains a lot." To them, I'm just Rose, who acts strange sometimes. However, I happen to hang out with an extremely open-minded, accepting, quirky group of people. We're all a little strange! You might find that there are people in your group who will back you up if they know you have AS. My friend Carey has a cousin with AS, and I know he would stand up for me if people began mocking me. In fact, a lot of my friends would, and I bet there are people you hang out with who are the same way...your bf is clearly one of them!

Is there a way to ease the pain he experiences from this? Even though he knows I don't care it still hurts him.

I am definitely lucky Rose. He knows that I have AS and so do my close friends. None of them are embarrassed by me. Some of them think I should stop being myself in pubic (much like my boyfriend suggested) because it's painful for them to watch the reactions of others. A few are as "out there" as I am and even more oblivious. Most of them just want me to enjoy myself and don't tell me when other people are making fun of me. They realize I am unable to recognize it myself and don't want to bring me down by letting me know.

"If you knew they were making fun of you then you would stop acting this way right?"
"If I knew it at the moment I would but I since I can't tell until it's too late..."
"So do you want to know when people are making fun of you?"
"Not if I'm in the middle of having a good time."

Is it better not to know? I think this is what I'm getting at here. Maybe it is. If we're unable to realize that we're being mocked until someone else tells us is it helpful for them to tell us? Or does it make everything worse?

There is nothing wrong with being who you are as long as you act in a manner which is civil and respectful to those around you.

Some behaviors of yours, others might interpret as rude, or view as inappropriate, and I do think you should make an effort to be polite and respectful of others in public.

That does not mean you can't be yourself or always have to act how others want you to, but you should take others into consideration and make some adjustments to your behavior on occasion.

Hmmmmmmm . . . this is a pretty tough one. Without knowing just how "extreme" your behaviour is, it's kind of hard to give much in the way of advice. It's great that you aren't self conscious, and that your boyfriend is so supportive, but sometimes it can be important to avoid irritating people, so you do need to recognize at least some of the signs that others are feeling bothered. How are you going to learn the signs if someone doesn't point them out to you? Also, are you able to contain the "inappropriate" behaviour when it actually matters? It doesn't really matter if a bunch of random strangers think you're acting oddly, but if, say, a cop sees you, thinks you might be drunk/high and comes over to talk to you, it could get ugly if you don't settle down during the conversation.

My behavior is pretty extreme. People used to bring me out in public to get revenge. I'm the girl jumping on top of the tables and screaming about the apocalypse.

I trained myself to act "normal" in front of cops but I can't seem to do it in groups. Even when my behavior isn't extreme I still get made fun of for the way I talk, walk, dance, present myself, etc.

I decided that since I would be made fun of no matter what I might as well just be extreme and enjoy myself. I'm unable to realize people are mocking me either way.

I am considered someone who has no shame.

The only shame I feel is that my boyfriend has to witness the way people treat me (whether I am acting out or not) and that I have hurt many business opportunities by not being able to fake NT behavior. I do not care if everybody in a room is talking about me and consider it to be as standard as breathing.

I know how it feels to be in your boyfriend's shoes, my mom got manic for about 6 months because of her thyroid levels being way too high and she did alot of things that she now feels alot of embarrassment about and I hated the way people talked about her and made fun of her. It hurt me so much to see people ridiculing someone I loved dearly. I just wanted to cover her up so no one could see her anymore to make fun of her. So I understand where he comes from. The behavior you are describing sounds like mania which happens with people with thyroid problems or bipolar disorder. You could have either co-morbid with AS

I suggest that you keep a mood journal for about 3 months,
record your mood 2 times a day...then after 3 months, look it over and see if your mood changes often, or changes dramaticly from when you first started the journal.
If so, then you might have a mood disorder that is co-morbid with AS. It is important that you find out what is causing it, either thyroid disease or bipolar disorder because untreated bipolar disorder can lead to suicidal behavior and can make life difficult, like getting and keeping a job, and conflict with loved ones.
Untreated thyroid disease can cause the same problems as well as effecting the health of vital organs in your body.

Although I think it is great that you dont care what people think, I worry that you could be making choices that will damage your goals in life.

Wow very interesting because I felt the same way when I was dating my NT boyfriend for two and a half years.

Hello,

I have at times acted out - often unwittingly - in public. And I've paid the price - often in the form of very rude responses, at the hands of people who assumed I was acting out on purpose.

So I understand the appeal of just being oneself and not caring what others think. Especially if you have no idea anyway how to behave in ways that others will accept. It sounds much like "If you can't please everyone, you might as well please yourself."

The thing is, it's much more like sour grapes. We have so much trouble figuring out what pleases others, that we fool ourselves that we're really just brave, individualistic rebels. Now, if life hands us lemons, making lemonade is sometimes a good idea. But if we also need strawberries and blueberries to prevent malnutrition, then we need to figure out how to grow them, too.

To go from fruits to computers, often pissing others off, or just coming off like an impulsive idiot, is a bug - not a feature.

Yes, it may also be being yourself. Now, is that the kind of self you want to project? As another_1 pointed out, sometimes not.

As career expert Marilyn Moats Kennedy points out, at work - even when colleagues go to someone's home for a "social" occasion - everyone fervently hopes that no one will "be him/herself" - it's much too frightening. Decorum is better.

Decorum isn't (just) a set of rules to confine people, any more than the coating on pills is just decoration. With many pills, while what's inside is good medicine, it also may taste awful, or even hurt your tissues or itself be destroyed before it can do any good, if you put it directly in your mouth. So even over-the-counter pills like Advil include coatings.

The coatings provide a good buffer between the pill contents and your mouth and throat, just as decorum provides a good buffer between different people's personalities - and sensitivities.

Speaking of illness, wouldn't it be nice to know if there's a cavity in your tooth, or maybe if there's a hard object right by your shin or maybe even your appendix is inflamed to bursting?

You're in luck - if you're like the vast majority of people, you've got a great nervous system complete with pain receptors. They give you a heads up when something's wrong, just like a smoke alarm that wakes you up in case of fire.

Now, suppose bacteria or viruses were damaging your organs - and multiplying by the hour to do ever more damage. Or maybe it's a few of your own cells gone bad and starting to poison your body. On the other hand, maybe it's fatty deposits building up in your coronary arteries, which are getting harder while your blood pressure is getting higher and higher. For these things, your pain receptors may not activate until it's too late.

Wouldn't you want to know about any of these things before they seriously hurt you or even kill you? Don't you want to be able to make the proverbial stitch in time that saves nine? If so, wouldn't you go to a doctor and ask for the hard truth about your body...even if the answer is that you need to do things like quit smoking, eating so many snacks and just sitting around all day?

(Excellent points, btw, jojobean!)

Getting back to pain, there's not only physical but also emotional pain - and for most people, I suspect that the latter is more intense. Emotional pain serves the same function that physical pain does, only it alerts you to emotional issues. For example, if you feel lonely, your mind is trying to tell you that you should consider altering your behavior (so as to attract more and better people) and/or your locale (if too many of the people around you are the wrong kind).

Whether or not you know it, people are judging you, and passing along their judgments so others can share in the fun...aka, gossip. If people's judgments of you are generally negative, you will pay a heavy price.

As long as there's a serious mismatch between (1) your behavior and (2) the expectations of the people around you, you will be lonely, and it's going to hurt. If you want to stop being lonely, there are actions you can take. Now, which one of the above two factors is within your control? No prize for guessing it's your words and actions.

Of course, that's only the first step. It's tough for anyone to see just what s/he's doing, especially when it's ticking someone else off. For times like these, we really need "social smoke detectors" who can wake us up to certain realities in time for us to do something about them. In practice, that means people who care about us enough to take the risk to give us bad news, often in painful detail, in the hope that we won't shoot the messenger.

What do you think?

did anyone ever feel that you had to tell your NT bf EVERRRYYYTHINNNNG about your day, to his absolute anguish?

did anyone ever feel that you had to tell your NT bf EVERRRYYYTHINNNNG about your day, to his absolute anguish?

You sound like how I was when I was younger. I know you're being yourself, but be careful not to identify yourself too strongly with behavior that will need to be dropped as an adult. It sounds absurd but it's not a bad idea to begin practicing being more NT so you can handle work, a career, your future boss and colleagues in a few years.